I've Figured Out How I Feel..

[dannii87]

..Right, I've figured out how I feel about my brother

I'm bitter. That's what it is!!

My Dad's just phoned me to chat, he says that he doesn't have a lot of work on at the moment (he's a builder) and that he asked my brother to help dig out the trenches for his conservatory today and said he'd pay him the same amount as usual...

...He got home and Joe had dug out a measly little bit of mud and had spent the rest of the day on his arse.

His birthday was in Feb and I paid for his theory test. He has not revised once and it's tomorrow!! I've booked the morning off work to go with him (as he's useless at sorting things out and constantly requires someone on his case about things).

I paid for our train tickets today (£22 altogether for both of us!) and sorted out a map, there's no way I'm driving in Peterborough during rush hour!! I'm losing half a day's holiday blah blah.

I asked him a few weeks ago if he's been revising, to which he simply replied "I've tried googling it but nothing comes up" oh and the funniest one... "Joe, have you practiced Hazard Perception?" he replied "Oh Dannii please stop nagging, you know I'm crap at road signs" HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS!! He thinks it's a bloody road sign.

Anyway, he got the train today over to my Mum's from my Dad's and he went STRAIGHT to his girlfriend's house... Not revising, girlfriend's house. (And he's turned down my offer to come to my 4D scan because "he'll probably be at his girlfriend's that day" GRRR

Am I being too hard on him or am I ok because I paid for the theory and I'm wasting half a days holiday?

My mum keeps making excuses for him!! We've just had a bit of a row. She keeps saying it's not her problem apparently because he doesn't live with her, it's my dad's fault, it's my step mum's fault, he wasn't taught 'work ethic' properly blah-de-blah... Why can't my Mum & Dad just communicate themselves?!

Because during the week it's mainly me my mum and my step dad, I honestly feel like another parent. I am the negotiator between my mum & dad... They look at me as a third parent. I parent my brothers too. Especially Joe.

I'm always saying to my Mum "you should charge him rent" and "you need to make him face up to responsibility" etc...

I do feel VERY bitter that I am pregnant, working full time, paying rent every month, buying the kids' toileteries, I WAS doing the washing but I refuse to anymore!! And when I am struggling in a little house somewhere, I'll remember this and how easy my brother had it.

I haven't told him this, but there is absolutely no way he'll pass. I'm kind of glad in a way that he won't because next time, he'll have to sort it all out himself!!

I have a feeling this is going to affect my relationship with both my mum & my brother. All because I can't drop the bitterness. xx

 

[Tadpole]

Aww hun. I do understand this. Although me and my dad get on great now (I am 31) we didn't when i was younger - to the point where I left home at 18.

My brother & sister moved out last year. At 25 & 28! And they had their meals cooked, their washing done and everything till this point. (My sister did some stuff though).

I know it's hard but try not to, well, do it. Let him figure it out himself. If he needs to get somewhere - let him work it out. Or come to you and nicely ask. I had all sorts of stress about my parent's relationship (and still do but that is another post), until I just refused to deal with it anymore. I wasn't rude or nasty - just stated that it upset me too much and I wasn't engaging with it anymore. It was REALLY hard and if you are used to doing it then it won't be easy. If asked just politely say, "sorry but I can't do that", and smile. Just keep reiterating this until the message gets across.

I would be bitter as well.

 

[Tadpole]

I forgot to add - and this took me aaages to learn - you can't change a situation, only how you react to it. I had to practise NOT being annoyed/upset/irritated by loads of stuff, till eventually it REALLY didn't matter anymore.

Good luck

 

[dannii87]

Aww thanks Tadpole, I really appreciate that Glad you and your dad get along better now.

I feel like giving him the train ticket, wishing him good luck and rolling back to sleep lol!

xx

 

[NickyB]

I'd be bitter too, the things you've described there and the housework thread would annoy me too much.

It's your decision whether to go with him or not, but I know the feeling about paying for someone's theory and them not revising and therefore failing. SIL had to learn it for herself, and once she failed, I think she was surprised and got herself together over it.

 

[trixipaws]

ur brother sounds very immature and spoiled, ur right to feel bitter! u handle it well tho i wouldnt be paying for stuff i'd be sulking my ass off!




btw, i dont kno what hazard perception is either, iv been driving for 10 years! actually, i dont kno what the handbrake or the indicators are for either- theyre for learners, arent they?!

iv heard the test is very hard these days- eek! he prob wont pass! he'd only learn his lesson tho if it was his own money wasted on the exam

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

AWW hun you have every right to feel bitter if i had a brother who behaved like your dose id wont to slap him into relising the world dose not owe him favours and money dos'nt grow on trees it has to be earnt.

sorry he sound like he needs a swift kick up the jacksie to wake him up from his dream world

As Tadpole said it will be hard as you have got so used to providing and looking after him. And you sound like you've done a fantastic job of doing it to and deserve to be appreciated and respect more for it too.

But 1 thats your parents job to sort him out and 2 he's old enough now to look after himself and it's about time he gave it ago.
he'll never do it if someone else keeps helping him out

you need to concentrate on your and your little,baby your money and time are needed for your little one now

I think its so wrong that you clean up, pay for stuff for you siblings and pay rent to and get treated like this

its not right love

 

[louxlouxbellex]

Aww chick your to nice! You do to much for people that they should be doing for themselves.

Focus all your time, money and energy into you and your daughter

 

[Miss.Monroe]

Dannii i have exactly the same thing with my sister who is 18! i have just been ranting on to Misssara on MSN about it!

shes 18 and im 20 ive worked since i was 16 she has never had a job. i dont ask for a penny from my dad, but my dad leaves 12 pound a dat for her to go to college. thats 288 pound a month!

she never goes in, and shes fainling 4 out of her 6 topics on her course.
my dad does her washing, ironing, cooking, washing up gives her money to go out at the weekend and puts her toast in the toaster in the morning and even runs her a bath!!!!

i was living with dean for a year untill i found out i was pregnant, i moved back home to give dean a chance to decide what he wants to do with the flat. and since ive been back ive been made to feel so uncomfortable and like im a burden.

i am also the mediator between my mum and my dad with regards to my sister and her whereabouts, she will say to my dad 'im staying at mums' the next day mum will say did becca tell you she was staying here, because she was at so and so's house.

alot of what you have said about your brother rings true with my family.

you could say im bitter, but im also jealous of how diffrently my sister is treated compared to me!

feel free to PM me or chat on msn hun. i understand what its like