It all sounds so technical

[JemUK]

HI All,

I have been reading other peoples posts and everyone seems to be calculating things and having sex at certain times of the month etc. Ive just been having sex all the time everyday and hoping for the best, and enjoying it. Is anyone else doing that? I dont check when im ovulating or when my period should be due or make charts or anything, we are just having fun and hoping for the best,

Maybe people get caught by missed pills etc and by one night stands by accident because they werent expecting it nor trying for it. maybe if we took a leaf out of their book and relaxed to a degree and tried not to stress over it, it would happen sooner?

anyone else taking this approach?

 

[Kim]

Hi Jem

I so wish I could do it like you are, I hate all this technical stuff, but I can't help it. I know you're more likely to conceive when you're relaxed, but I'm so impatient, I want to make sure we have the best chance every month. I wish I could stop calculating etc but I can't, it's like an addiction!!

 

[Rosebay]

Hi, (this is my first post- hello board). I know what you mean Jem, I've just started TTC this month and I've been hanging around on several forums and my technical learning curve has been almost vertical!! It's ironic that most of my adult life I've been sure that you can get pregnant oh so easily and so have been extra extra careful to now find that it can only happen on a few days every month! My method so far has been to get down to it everyday as surely this will cut out the chance factor!! My husband is both incredibly happy that I've become a raving nymphomaniac after 11 years of being together and feeling a bit harrassed. If we're in for the long haul I guess we'll slow down but in the meantime wahey!

Having said that if someone were to ask me what day of my cycle I'm on I could tell them without thinking.... I have become extra impatient now we're actually trying...

 

[Kim]

Hi Rosebay

You sound exactly like me!! I was always thinking that if I missed 1 pill I would be instantly pregnant, but its soooo not like that. My partner is feeling very pressurised and we sometimes argue about it. He says I'm obsessed with dates and testing etc, but if he were me he'd know how it feels. He already has children from a previous relationship, its not the same for him, and it's not his body that the baby will be living in!! We try to BD every day while I'm fertile, but then when my fertile period is over, we're so knackered we don't go near eachother. It's becoming a bit of a chore which is so wrong but I can't help it, I feel like I've been posessed by some baby making demon!

Good luck this month anyway. Baby dust to all ********************

 

[Rosebay]

Hi Kim,

I know that baby-making posession thing too! I am so broody it's driving even me mad- I feel a bit like I've lost my senses over it- like one part of my brain is saying "what on earth are you doing? Why are you thinking of babies and cute small helpless things all of the time" and the other is too busy calculating, plotting and being emotional to care! I guess it just feels funny to be enthralled to bodily urges, to be following biological drives rather than some plan that you've developed for yourself and have control over finishing. I'm trying not to get obsessive and to be on too much of a mission but it's hard isn't it? I mean once you've made the scary decision to go for it it's easy to be impatient!

I'm worried about annoying my husband too, it must be a very difficult balancing act to play, I don't want to make him feel used but on the other hand I do have designs on him and we both know I do! Nature is a powerful and awesome thing isn't she....?

Good luck and lots of baby dust!

 

[Becky]

I must admit that while I took the time to get to know and understand my cycle before starting to "try" for a baby, we took a deliberate attitude of "we're not trying, but we're not preventing" and tried to let nature take it's course.

This worked for me and I was pregnant within 2 months of "not preventing".

But then again, everyone is different so whatever works for you!

Good luck to all.

 

[Nadgos]

Hi guys - I was just having a mooch about the site and came across your wee chat! I am lucky enough to have a 17month old who was totally unexpected and unplanned and so now I'm TTC I'm totally frustrated. I certainly like your style ladies - I'm sure the hubbies/partners are having a wild time too. I was just wondering of any of you have children already because as much as I try and seduce the hubster the actual time available to get down to some serious baby-making is very limited! With him working away at least one night a week -total exhaustion from running around after my toddler, often the only thing my bed is for is for some serious sleeping. I'm beginning to despair that we'll have conceive as my cycle is completely shot to pieces, I've no idea when my fertile period is from one month to the next and we just don't seem to have the energy to have jiggy more than a couple of times a week at the absolute best!! Any tips ladies?

 

[Becky]

Not so much a tip for conceiving as a general relationship tip.

A few years ago, before we got married, me and the hubby we both working and studying full/part time. This meant that we had about 2 evenings a week when we were both in at the same time and that time usually was spent keeping the house or doing assignments.

As you can imagine it was making having a relationship pretty hard so what we had to do in the end was set aside some time that was "just us" time. We chose every other Thursday (doesn't sound like a lot I know).

Now most of the time all we did was chill out in front of the TV with a video or something simple but the rule was that no matter what we did we did it together.

It wasn't always easy but we found that making the effort a big help, and it was something to look forward to.

I got the tip from my mum who said that her and my dad used to have a night where they'd get us kids to bed and then have steak and chips for dinner, just them.

 

[Nadgos]

Thanks for the advice - it sounds like you had it tough for a while there. I think our problem is not so much lack of time together, it's lack of quality time together. We are just usually so tired, my husband commutes 120 miles a day and on top of that travels a fair bit. Not knowing my cycle because it's all gone to pot since coming off the pill last October means that we are going to find it very hard/or be extremely lucky to hit the jackpot when our opportunities for jiggy are limited. I'm convinced the reason we got accidentally PG last time was because it was the last thing we were considering at that time and we were pretty 'active' as we had just got engaged and so were celebrating in the best way possible! Having read many messages on this site it seems the biggest thing going against getting PG when you want to is that you think about it constantly and become almost obsessive but it's just so hard to relax!!

 

[Becky]

I know exactly what you mean, I think the best way to get PG is to relax about it but once you decide to "try" it's so difficult for sex not to be about getting pregnant. I don't know if it's possible for it not to be, but I know the week that we conceived we'd gone away for a long weekend and it was the first time since we started trying that we hadn't been thinking about babies.

 

[Kim]

well i have no excuse, me and my partner have all the time in the world to 'do it' but it's just getting him to perform in the first place that i have an issue with. he feels under such pressure he feels he cant do it and its so frustrating becuase i need him. it takes 2 to make a baby, if i could have sex with my self i would but unfortunately, it takes the 2 of us!! he feels like i use his as a baby making machine, and to those reading i probably sound like i do but thats not the case, but its so hard with the waiting every month, waiting to ovulate, waiting to see if af shows up, i just wanna make sure i dont miss any opportunity. i must admit though, it is a lot better (sex) when we both arent thinking about it. anyone got any tips on how to forget about it for a while? dont expect so!!

 

[margaret]

Hey Kim!

Finally I've found someone in a similar boat as me--the husband that feels pressurized. He wants to have kids as much as me but any time I let him know that I think it is a 'good time' to do it (i.e. I think I'm going to be ovulating soon etc) he basically can't 'perform'! I actually stopped telling him that about six months ago, and for some reason, I've been able to relax about it too. Having said that, though, whenever I think about the fact that we've been TTC for almost two years, I do get a bit blue and wonder "what's wrong with us?!"

Good luck!
Margaret