is it just me?

[helsekia]

as some of you may of gathered from previous posts im a bit fed up.i just wondered whether the way i was feeling was pregnancy related or just me?or just me being silly .I have a 6 year old and never felt like this last time around but im older this time.basically i feel isolated,and that i just dont 'fit in'.i take my daughter to school and back in the car as its over a mile away so from a few brief hellos in the playground i see no one.Im 35 so guess im classed as an older mum.the area my daughters schools in is in quite a deprived area with a high rate of young single mums on benefit so i dont really have much in common with them.not that im putting them down or anything.I come home and im the youngest in my street!the only young women near me are either at work or too stuck up to talk to me. No one in my family (2brothers n 2sisters)has spoken to me for over 5 years due to a huge row,my in laws are good for babysitting but not the sort of people i could really chat to and my parents passed away years ago.My hubby leaves the house at 6am,gets home at 6pm and has his tea and falls asleep usually thats it.im just worried it will get more and more isolated once babes is here.i just wanted to get things of my chest really hope you dont mind but i do feel better for sharing,im not after sympathy or anything just really needed to moan i suppose.

 

[muppetmummy]

sorry you're feeling fed up hun. It can be hard to meet mums in the playground. I find at James' school some of the mums can be a bit cliquey. I guess it's because it's a small town where everyone knows everyone else so most of them probably grew up together. It's a hard place to get to know people anyway as people are normally in a rush to drop the kids off and get to work, or can't talk properly cos they've got one eye on their toddler who's eascaping across the playground. It's hardly an ideal situation for socialising.

I have the opposite thing where I live, I find most of the mums are older than me, and I'm 27 so hardly a teenager

Maybe when babys born your health visitor might know of some groups you can go to such as baby massage, or a feeding support group where you can meet mums with babys the same age in more relaxed surroundings. Thats what my plan is

 

[helsekia]

yes thats it exactly!i grew up in that area but moved away so get treated as some kind of deserter as i live away from the immediate area i dont tend to spend a lot of time in the area.most of the parents live in the surrounding streets and all go to the pub together etc.hubbys friends all live miles away as hes a builder so works long distances away.we moved here last year and still dont know the people round here really.there is a surestart centre well 2 in fact,ones right next to my daughters school so its the same mums who use it and the others a mile in the other direction,we live right on the edge of town.im not the most overconfident person either which doesnt help.i gave up work to be a stay at home mum when i had kiara so dont make friends that way either.

 

[marie_77]

you are not alone feeling this way. i am at home now full time. i spent 4 years at college and then uni and was out the house from mon to fri and really appreciated wkends but even them were spent a lot studying. i was a very busy mum with 3 kids and uni full time. the buzz of studying for my much wanted career was ace and i loved being on placement and feeling wanted and like i had a purpose. even though i have kids i feel i need that something extra too. when i first finished uni i was bummed totally needed a break but now i do miss adult company and feel i dont have anything to discuss with OH. before i had some much to talk about now my day consists of cbebbies playdough painting and books and so on. i dont resent being at home but some days i feel lo as i do get bored. my kids school is a few miles away also like urs and not the people i have anything in common with very much parents with bad language and very different morals. maybe once the baby comes u can meet other parents through health centre and baby and toddler groups. i know not much help but just wanted to say u r not alone.



marie x

 

[Bloom]

Aww you are not alone i really need to widen my social circle in my local area and intend to join all the baby clubs, your age is irrelevant so please dont feel that as you are an older mum that should hold you back as i have the opposite problem at 22 im classed as a young mum and you do get some funny looks in the street about having a baby.

Surestart are really good and they will have various clubs to go to once baby is here. I would also take some time to have a look at this website www.netmums.com its very good for finding people in your area.

It can be a problem when you lack confidence to meet new people the internet is a great way of meeting others without having to be confident, but there are lots of people in the same boat and all probaly feeling the same as you.

 

[Kimbo]

 

[Manda&Thomas]

aww hun you aint alone
im quite isolated myself and even though im fairly young (22) i still dont think il fit in at mum and baby clubs and things like that so i no what you mean about being isolated my mother comes round alot but we dont really "chat" just go to the shops and stuff, my dad is great but again hes male there is only so much you can gossip about with your dad lol, hubby is my lifeline he really is if i dint have him i dunno what id do,
maybe try speaking to your bloke expain how your feeling he might try to stay awake a bit longer or something
you aint alone though hun and we are all here if you need us
manda xx

 

[Jade&Evie]

I'm 19 so I got invited along to the young mum meetings at the local health centre but I went to one and everyone was about 15 and dressed like vicky pollard!

My friends are as good as they can be- but they don't REALLY want to spend as much time with me because I can't enjoy the things they do, and they feel they can't drink around me.

I'd love some 'mum friends' because i'm worried when baby comes and OH is back at work I will be stuck at home all day with no adult interaction for months. I'm signed up to netmums but haven't heard anything yet... makes me feel like a bit of a loser 'advertising' for friends on the internet but I know that plenty of other mum's feel the same...

 

[andreaaa]

You're definatley not alone

As for the playground, MM is so right! At my Son's school they are all so cliquey and give me funny looks Not that I give a stuff tbh One even told me off once, horrid woman she was with frizzy orange hair, said something like "Mr Bickly (Headteacher) doesn't like parents parking there" Yes well love, there was nowhere else to park and as I live over a mile from school walking in the rain isn't an option

Why can't all mummys be as nice as us girls on here?

 

[Happybunny]

You are definately not alone! I am in a similar predicament as in my in-laws are around the coner, but I am not close enough to be round there all the time. I don't know the people in the area I live in and my family are 300 miles away. I am the first one of my friends to have a baby so they are all at work and I have just become a SAHM too, so I wont have the social interaction of work.

I am determined not to be lonely though. I was going to suggest Netmums too (well done Bloom), I have put my details on my local meet a mum board to try and meet some similar people to myself in my area. Netmum is also fab for telling you where all the local mum and baby groups are, I fully intend to get myself along to them when baby is here.

I have also been to a few Sure Start things and met some people. I am a 30 year old professional and I must admit, I was a bit snobby thinking there will be loads of really young people that I have nothing in common with. Yes, there were young people, but I have to say, they were lovely and the very fact we are all having babies gave me a lot to talk about with them.
My NCT group has been brilliant for fostering some lovely friendships too.

Once baby is here, it will be easier for you to get out and meet people and have something in common to talk about, regardless of age or background. Being a SAHM can be lonely, I hope you are able to find some friends and enjoy your time with your baby.

 

[Suzie and Faith]

I'm in the same boat. My two main girlie friends live away at uni and their lives are so different from mine that we're growing apart. I love my family to bits but my nearest sibling is my 15 year old brother and my sister is 14 years older than me.

I've not been to anythings for young mums as i'm a wuss and don't want to be judged!

 

[helsekia]

awwww thankyou you ladies are so nice.i will take a look at the netmums site and see what its about it sounds good.i sppose really i need to the make an effort to meet the world as it isnt going to come to me.I feel better for knowing its not just me that feels like this.Hubby came home from work tonight and has taken 4 days off work over easter so hes not going back til tuesday so that cheered me up a bit.

 

[debecca]

Sorry you're feeling a bit isolated Hel

I looked on netmums but there's absolutely sod all in my area!

 

[helsekia]

maybe once ive shed my huuuuuge bump i might get to walk a bit more instead of driving everywhere,im sure that doesnt help either.

 

[Ginnymarie]

hello

I posted something similiar not so long ago, I went to an expectant parent and baby group and just felt really left out, I tried hard tho but I felt too uncomfortable, I will give it another go once I have had the baby.

I have advertised on netmums, feel a bit daft doing it but thought what the hell, it is a really hard transitiory time isn't it when we leave one life for another and need to start investing right from sqaure 1 in new friends, im not finding it easy...thank god for the forum eh, what a lovely bunch of ladies, if only we lived near and could meet up for the odd coffee
x