Insecure and feeling down :-(

[Krystal]

Just trying to work things out in my head so thought I'd put it down and see what you girls think.

At the moment I feel so disgusting, i've never thought of myself as miss world but before I was pregnant I was a size 10-12 which was perfect for me, I looked healthy and I was comfortable in my own skin. Now I am a size 14-16 mainly because of my tummy and I just look disgusting. My tummy sags I have stretch marks and clothes I used to love look horrible. I love shopping in Oasis, Topshop and their clothes don't even fit me anymore I went to a Christening yesterday and just felt frumpy.

Anyway the reason this is in the relationship bit is because the above is now starting to spill into my relationship. I love OH so much but I keep worrying that he is only with me because of Jack, that if it wasn't for Jack he'd find someone prettier. He didn't get with me this size so he must look at me and think I am disgusting. Sex with us is usually amazing, we just click in bed and have a fab chemistry but lately it just seems so forced. I think this may be down to me and the way I am feeling about myself as I am usually confident but i'm not anymore There is a nagging doubt in the back of my mind though that thinks he might be seeing someone else, I know this is stupid, he doesn't even have the opportunity to cheat cos he rarely goes out at the mo but my insecurities are eating away. I just find it hard to believe how he can find me attractive. We haven't had sex in a week! He's just not horny at all, I have tried a couple of times, 'tested the water' so to speak but he just kinda kisses me and hugs me and doesn't go further, feels like a brush off. Thats not like him at all!! I wonder if it's my attitude thats making him feel under pressure or something cos he knows how I am feeling cos I have told him a lot.

Grrr I don't know what to do, I feel like my relationship is starting to fall apart, I know thats quite dramatic for a problem like above but I feel so down I am not sure whether I am making a mountain out of a molehill type of thing.

I just want to be me again

Sorry for length of this and thank you for reading

 

[xrachx]

...i understand everything you are saying cos i was like that a while ago, my frame of mind was the same as yours, i sat down and had chatted with my dp and he said he loved me more than ever because of the kids and just cos i was feeling that way, he wasnt thinking like it, and i agree it is a confidence thing, i got over it by thinking that i am just at another phase in my life and things are moving on and changing, i had these feelings when i had my first too when i was 17 and i literally starved myself to try and feel good about myself but it didnt work, i think its a mind thing and you will get over it cos i did.x you wanna chat pm me, i dont mind listening.x

 

[Mrs_Jay]

god you could have just described me so sorry that you're feeling like this prehaps try talking to your OH about how you're feeling, and hopefully he can reasure you, coz u look gorgeous to me hun

 

[Snuggle]

I could have written this post myself I was a size 12 before pregnancy and now I'm a 16 and struggling to get back down. I feel minging all the time and refuse to buy clothes and nice things coz there's no way I could possible look good in anything. I always think everyone is much prettier than me and wonder if hubby is staying coz of Maddison but he constantly reassures me that he loves me no matter what my body looks like. This has obviously affected our sex life and I'm not confident in bed like I used to be. I know exactly how you feel, PM me anytime if you need to chat

 

[SarahH]

Awww hun, you are a gorgeous person.... you need to speak to your OH, I'm sure it is all in your head as you always sound so loved up whenever I a speak to you.

Is everything ok elsewhere - like work etc, maybe your partner is stressed about something too

 

[Krystal]

Thanks for all your replies girls, I'm sorry some of you feel the same way as me its rubbish but nice to know i'm not alone. I am going to try and sit down and talk to him properly about it tonight, i'll explain exactly how I am feeling. Sarah - I am so loved up, he's best thing that has happened to me and even my friends notice and have mentioned it's happiest they have seen me in years. It's just this one area. I don't think it's work or anything that is stressing him. TBH I think it's the way I am going about it, I find it hard to talk to him about me feeling down cos I just end up getting upset and nothing he then says is right which isn't fair on him I'm sure like me the last thing he wants to do after a night of discussing how unattractive I am is have sex

I think tonight I am going to have a nice relaxing bath and put on some sexy underwear and make myself feel pretty then maybe that will lift the mood

I am also going to start exercising more cos I don't think I am going to shift this weight unless I do some extra.

I think i'm also stressing about going back to work in 2 weeks, I keep thinking i'm going to walk back in and all anyone is going to think is 'erghh look how fat she is now'

God I need to get a grip

 

[Mrs_Jay]

hope it helps and no one at work is gonna be thinking that about you

 

[dannii87]

Aww sweetcheeks! Sorry you are feeling so low..

..All I will say, is that being pregnant doesn't change your face and personality, and from what I can see from your posts and you avator pic, you are a beautiful person, inside AND out.

Granted, you might have been a little slimmer when you met, and although men don't understand most of what us women go through, they know that when you get pregnant you put on a bit of weight and can feel insecure at times!

Chances are, he is backing off a little because you are feeling like this and he probably wants you to feel as though he is with you because of YOU and not because of the sex or what you look like.

I would sit down and have a chat with him, and word it exactly how you have here because I just KNOW he'll understand and want to make you feel like the princess you are

If it's any consolation, I have psoriasis which has gotten worse through pregnancy - my confidence is zilch until I dress myself up a bit and try to hide what I feel isn't so great about me at the moment and excentuate (sp?) what I'm enjoying. For example, my boobs are sore, but they look alright (LOL - for now!) so when I try to doll myself up I'll show them off a bit! My bum is not so nice (it never has been lol!) so I'll wear longer tops.

I also ordered cheap clip in hair extensions (www.hairextensionsnow.com) which are fantastic for boosting your confidence! No damage to the hair and make you feel girly and confident

He loves you for you babe, remember that xx

 

[Lola's Mummy]

Awww sweetcheeks

I'm so sorry your feeling like this, I'm sure it's all in your head because you are so pretty. You def don't look like a size 14-16

If you only have a problem with your tummy you could try some of those slimming pants they really work for some people. They could make you feel more confident when you return to work.

These are what i mean
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Slimming-Shaper-M ... dZViewItem

You should let your OH know how you are feeling and that should also help. He has more than likely just got comfortable with you, You need to keep them on their toes

 

[x-kirsty-x]

Awww I've only just seen this

I love OH so much but I keep worrying that he is only with me because of Jack, that if it wasn't for Jack he'd find someone prettier. He didn't get with me this size so he must look at me and think I am disgusting. Sex with us is usually amazing, we just click in bed and have a fab chemistry but lately it just seems so forced. I think this may be down to me and the way I am feeling about myself as I am usually confident but i'm not anymore There is a nagging doubt in the back of my mind though that thinks he might be seeing someone else, I know this is stupid, he doesn't even have the opportunity to cheat cos he rarely goes out at the mo but my insecurities are eating away. I just find it hard to believe how he can find me attractive. We haven't had sex in a week! He's just not horny at all, I have tried a couple of times, 'tested the water' so to speak but he just kinda kisses me and hugs me and doesn't go further, feels like a brush off. Thats not like him at all!! I wonder if it's my attitude thats making him feel under pressure or something cos he knows how I am feeling cos I have told him a lot.

I could've written that myself

I feel the same. I'm not as bad as I used to be (we used to argue because of my insecurities ALL the time ) but I still get insecure and jealous. With all the stunning girls around these days, you know the ones who are just perfect, why would OH wanna be with me. That's a question I ask myself every day and I know I shouldn't put myself down like that but I do.

The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that OH loves me just as much as he did when he met me, despite me being a bit bigger and completely out of shape and covered in stretchmarks... you get it

Ask yourself this, if you were a size 10 with a perfect body would your OH love you more? I think he loves you just how you are, he's maybe just finding it hard to get close to you because he knows how you feel. There's nothing less attractive than a woman who constantly points out her flaws.

I know it's hard to adjust to how you look after having a baby but so many women are in the same boat. People tell me I look 'fantastic' having had 2 kids... yeah right, they haven't seen me naked, and trust me, they wouldn't want to

I wish I could give you a hug, I totally understand how you feel. To be honest, you're bloody gorgeous anyway

 

[Penstraze]

Im sorry your feeling so low about yourself! I agree talk to him about it, you will feel so much beter for talking and he will feel beter im sure for knowing how you feel men are very sensitive creatures when it comes to their ability in bed and from what you said my biggest hunch is he thinks you have gone off him or his techniques and thats why sex has become forced.

A while back I went through a period like this I was so skinny and only 17 when my DH and I met and I have filled out alot since not fat so much (although I would have liked to lose a bit before I got pregnant was often on diets) more my hips widened alot as I got older and have big love handles which I hate but turns out he loves them. I knew he felt his ex had let herself go towards the end of their relationship and then he cheated so was terrified he felt same about me, the sex went the same way you describe I had no confidence in myself so stopped enjoying it and was too caught up in how I believed I looked in this angle or that. But when I eventually spoke to DH about it he said he had felt I was going off him or he wasn't pleasing me in bed, he also felt I didn't want sex and that I was just doing it to keep him happy which put him right off I explained my lack of confidence and how I believed I didn't have as good a figure as when we first met and he totally suprised me saying he prefered my figure now I was too skinny really when we met and it suited me to have a little weight on and if I was determind to lose some could I please not lose to much!!! I was totally shocked and now feel much more confident in myself and also believe whatever you look like confidence in bed in itself is very attractive I think a confident slightly over weight woman would do beter with men then a really shy stunning slimmer woman confidence is a big turn on for men! I am alittle concerned of going back to my selfconcious self after this pregnancy as Im already finding it scary that im bigger then I've ever been but I think as long as I can keep talking to DH about how im feeling about myself then we'll be alright, communication really is the key!

I hope you can both get it sorted and be happy again!

 

[Krystal]

Aww thanks again girls. It's nice to have an understanding ear to lend Kirsty your right about nothign more attractive than a woman who points out her flaws, thats whats annoying me about myself. I knwo confidence is sexy and even a size 16 who is happy about her body can be sexy it's about whats inside, i just can't find it lol. Again thanks so much each and every one of you your all really kind, I wanted to type a little summet for all of you but if you read in off topic you'll see i'm a bit nervous about my computer blowing up in my face or something Your all brilliant lasses though so thanks

 

[lfc_sarah]

Awww

From the pictures ive seen of you, i think your really pretty...
Me saying that wont make you feel better about yourself though because im sure your OH has told you himself?

I have days where i feel the same, being pregnant,
im not sure what to suggest because i cant help myself when i feel like that so i would be being a hypocryte. But im sure your Oh loves you for what you are xxx

 

[nickilubs]

Awwwwwwwww feel so sorry for you and to be quite honest within the next year I imagen me typing the same thing even now since getting pregnant I am finding it really hard to accsept how much Im going to have to change,but I just love this babe so much already . Its so horrible the changes that are or have happened and you never feel as if you will ever be good enough because there is so much temptation out there there. Its just far to easy to cheat with the internet and mobiles and stuff and sadly its also so very easy to hide. The internet is one hell of A hang up for me as my OH goes on it most of the day and I know he has access to whatever he wants whilst I am out at work and it hurts like hell when you come home and you can see what they have been doing. He is really good and doesn't try and hide it as far as I know but still what you don't know cant hurt you but what you can find out hurts you even more. I really don't know what too say to be honest. I don't know if it is any comfort but there are so many people out there feeling the same.

 

[MissThing]

Hi hun!

Just read this and didnt want to run without saying anything.

First of all

I am sorry you are feeling this way, but I agree with averybody else-you look gorgeous!

If you feel insecure I am sure exercising and sensible diet (nothing too much) will make you feel better.

I think the right fitted clothes will make you feel better as well! There are some FAB clothes in GAP at ther moment and they go up to size 16. Recently I bought a stunning sexi black dress there and teamed with black tights (15 den) and higheels I looked and felt really sexy.

 

[Krystal]

Again thanks for all you replies

I had a good chat to OH last night, I explained sometimes I feel as though he pushes me away when I try anything and just cuddles me instead, he said he thought he was doing right thing as he knew I didn't feel sexy at moment so was trying to show me that he loved me regardless of the sex.. ahhh isn't he sweet. Seems like a case of crossed wires. I think it's my fault, at moment I want him to want me sexually but I actually don't feel horny if that makes sense. Women ey!!

 

[SarahH]

so after your chat did you get any - did he put the smile back on yer face

hehe!!

 

[Krystal]

so after your chat did you get any - did he put the smile back on yer face

hehe!!

You dirty moo... well I am in a better mood so maybe - i'm not telling though

 

[SarahH]

so after your chat did you get any - did he put the smile back on yer face

hehe!!

You dirty moo... well I am in a better mood so maybe - i'm not telling though

That'll be a yes then!!! I can read you like a book!!

 

[happy-chick]

I could have written that, know how ur feeling!! I looked in the mirror earlier and cried I hate my body at the moment