If I Wasn't pregnant...

[Jade89]

I'd literally 'knock' some sence into my brother's ex-girlfriend.

They have a 1 year old son together.

At first she was a great Mum, couldn't fault her one bit, but now she couldn't give a shi*, it seems like all she wants to do is work and go out at night. She's 17 and is only on a work placement at the moment which doesn't pay much but it seems like she's working all the time and it seems that this is all she cares about. So while she's working all the time, my nephew is getting passed around to every tom dick and harry to be looked after while she's at work or gone out with her mates at night.

My brother had him yesterday, he had to go and pick him up in a taxi, he showed up in just a nappy and pj bottoms. My brother took him into mum while he went out to pay the taxi driver and my Mum changed his nappy. She said there was so much s*hit hanging out the sides of it and the nappy was soaked with pee, there was poo all over his legs and his legs were red and sore because of it. His mum must have just got him out of bed and handed him straight to my brother, without giving him a wash or changing his nappy or even putting him any clothes on so she could rush off to work. (My mum was that discusted with the nappy he came in, she actually took it out of the bin to show me and it looks about 2 days old, seriously, it was a mess!!!)

So when her mum came to pick up my nephew, my mum told her what she thinks and how discusted she was, and my mum expected her mum to stick up for her daughter but instead she said 'ive told her she's becoming a bad mum'. Her mum had to go out and get some safety gates the other day because while my brother's ex was sleeping the other morning, her mum woke up to find my nephew a few inches from the stairs which he could have fallen down. Also she told my mum that whenever she comes home from work or comes home from a night out she doesn't want to know her son and is shouting at him to go to sleep all the time.

When she goes my mums from work to pick up her son she will plonk herself down and act all tired while my nephew could be sticking toast in the video player or trying to touch the fire or going into the kitchen when my mum is cooking, she will just sit there and shout 'no', yeah like a one year old always listens to 'no'. I used to get up and chase him myself but now I try and leave it to her as much as possible unless he's in real danger then i'll get up, but i'm almost ready to drop she should understand I can't go chasing him around.

My mum has bought alot of toys for the kids to play with but my nephews mum will never get them out for him and she wonders why he plays with the vcr etc...Once he was screwing up my mums magazines so she said 'no they are nana's', then took a peice of a4 paper out of my mums printer, screwed it up and threw it on the floor and said HERE play with that! how hard is it to get him a toy?

She also packs jarred baby food in his changing bag that is ment for a 7 month old baby, she hardly gives him propper food because she's always working so he eats this horrible mush day in day out! I took him playgroup a few weeks ago and while all the other kids were eating toast he just sat there and stared at it like he'd never seen it before. The health visitor who was there said he should not be eating jarred food now but normal food that we eat.

Fair enough she's 17 and wants a life of her own with her friends because she missed out when her son was very young but it's something you have to sacrifice when children are involved, he's just not getting the attention and care from her that he needs, it's like the novelty has worn off.

Sorry for ranting on for so long, but do you think this is normal behaviour for a (so called) mother?

 

[budge]

what a horrible shock for you jade


she needs shaking

Yeah shes 17 but im sorry she made an adult decision to have a child so she should act like an adult and take care of the child she has bought into the world. He didn't ask to be born. Leaving him in a shitey nappy is disgusting. No excuses for it.
Who takes care of the child while shes out clubbing etc? Who ever that is needs shaking too. They are encouraging her to neglect her son.
If i was you Jade i would report her to social services. theres no way i could turn my back if it is as bad as you describe.
Im not into running to social services etc but i would have to do something in case something really terrible happened and i had to live with the ''if only id have '' .

 

[Jade89]

Well my sister runs the playgroup I took him to and she was also explaining to that health visitor what his mum is like and even the health visitor said make an annoymous complaint to social services and they maybe could try and put some sence in her head.

Even that morning when I picked him up to take him playgroup, I got down there and my sister had to change his nappy because she said I wouldn't get back up off the floor after lol, after a few mins she shouted me looking really concerned and said can you get me the drapolene cream out of her baby's bag because my nephews mum had put an empty p*ssing tub of sudocrem in his changing bag. She also left him in the nappy he'd been wearing all night this time too!

So I got it for her and took it over and his bottom was red raw, with sores on it which were weeping and bleeding! Luckily the health visitor suggested getting some Metanium cream (which is really good for bad nappy rash) which we went and bought some because his bloody mother wouldnt have done. He ran out the other day and she said 'oh i'll have to get him some more' has she buggery, she's piling sudocrem on his arse like theres no tomorrow, yeah like that will help!

I think I am going to report her to social services though, not coz I hate her guts but hopefully they can talk to her and tell her where she's going wrong, it would sound better coming from them who have the right to take him off her if they wanted to!

People who have my nephew while she's out doing god knows what:

Her Mum
My Brother,
Her Dad,
Her Sister,
Her Grandad,
I used to have him sometimes but stopped because I realised I was being used!

And god knows who else has him, I agree they are encouraging her to always p*ss off out if they are going to easily say yes everytime she asks them to babysit!

And I also agree if she was adult enough at the time to make a baby and keep it then she should take responsibility. I'm 17 and I hope to god I don't turn out like that, If I did i'd expect to get shot!

 

[budge]

instead of social servces why not just tell your local health vistor? She may just need jolting into shape. A short sharp shock might do the trick.

I know its coz you care for your nephew not hate her. Sometimes coices have to be made.

Im sure you'll do the right thing.

 

[Jade89]

Yeah good idea, I could always find out who her health visitor is.

 

[Jo]

I am so shocked by that i can barley think what i want to write!!!
If her mum knows what is going on why hasn't she stepped in? I don't understand that, my mum would be first on my case if i was pulling stunts like that!!!!!

I agree with budge to speak to a HV first to see if that shocks her into action

She needs to get her priorities sorted and understand that her son comes before work/clubbing

I know we all need abreak now and again but she is taking the p***

I'm not sticking up for her but is there a chance she could be depressed?

just trying to get a diff veiw on it

 

[roxanne080]

Well with all due respect jade, SHE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HERSELF AND HER BEHAVIOUR. i feel sorry for the poor child, running from one hand to another not knowing who is his primary carer! you were right if she was old enough to make a baby then she should be old enough to take care of him. Isnt that child abuse? where child negligence is concerned? report her asap and put her act together the little spoiled girl...sorry if i came out as a bit too harsh!

 

[Jade89]

TBH I don't think she's right in the head.

Her and my brother split up (but she was working constantly and never saw her son before that though) and she's always saying how much she is in love with my brother and how much she wants him back...I don't know why, he started going with her behind his ex ex g/f's back and now he's going with his ex ex g/f again...SILLY WOMEN! lol. But sometimes if my brother wants my nephew overnight she will be insistant that she has to stop there with him too, luckily my brother has a sofa in his bedroom, he just makes her sleep on there. But why has she got to stop there too? she can't accept the fact it's over between them two and is trying to carry on like nothing ever happened, more fool her because she basically joey's for him when she's there. Ive told her she's stupid for even wanting him back anyway.

Her mother has stepped in and basically told her she's becoming a bad mum and has told her she shouldnt shout at her son the way she does when she wants him to sleep but I do agree she should drill it into her head and show her how she is acting. I don't wanna get too involved incase she takes it the wrong way and says 'you can't see him nomore' because I love my nephew to bits but sometimes I just wanna slap some sence into her and do what budge said, give her a good shake! I would never dream of being like this with my child!

 

[Jade89]

Well with all due respect jade, SHE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HERSELF AND HER BEHAVIOUR. i feel sorry for the poor child, running from one hand to another not knowing who is his primary carer! you were right if she was old enough to make a baby then she should be old enough to take care of him. Isnt that child abuse? where child negligence is concerned? report her asap and put her act together the little spoiled girl...sorry if i came out as a bit too harsh!

Not sure if what she's doing falls under a certain category but I know it's not right!

Everytime I post I find something else to say about her....

If you had been out drinking and left your child with a family member for the night, would go go back to their place at 1am and take your son a friends house with you?

One night I had my nephew, and it was ment to be overnight, i'd gotten him asleep and he was really good all night, then at about 1am his mum rings me and saying i'm coming to pick him up, i'm staying at my friends house tonight so i'll take him with me! So she came, woke him up so she could take him, had to take his travel cot, pushchair, changing bag etc... with her in a taxi about 2 minutes up the road. I told her 'no, no i'll have him overnight, you stay out with your mates, he'll be fine'' I basically gave her an oppurtunity to be a teenager for the night but to this day I still don't know WHY she took him, or maybe like I said, she's just not right in the head

 

[oldermum]

How anyone at any age can treat a child like that is beyond me, whether she is depressed or not the child is suffering from neglect and i would contact social service immediately and not feel any guilt, it's the child that needs attention and the sooner the better from what i've read.

How awful.

I dislike things like this, children are real not bl**dy toys.

 

[Jade89]

How anyone at any age can treat a child like that is beyond me, whether she is depressed or not the child is suffering from neglect and i would contact social service immediately and not feel any guilt, it's the child that needs attention and the sooner the better from what i've read.

How awful.

I dislike things like this, children are real not bl**dy toys.

Well she must see him as a toy she can just turn on and off when she likes. She will sometimes blackmail my brother with him if my brother is with his g/f she will say 'your not seeing him'...then other times she doesn't want to know her son herself!

She's basically treated him like a toy since she had him, she was great with him at first but then she just got bored!

 

[roxanne080]

When you have a young child you should not go out often anyways, its true that parents deserve a break and no one is super human, but most mums will never ever neglect their son or daughter or put their well being in jeopardy for a night out with the mates

 

[Strangeness]

I would contact Social Services to be honest. It's not right that he is being neglected. I don't think they'll take him away hun but they'll give her the help she obviously needs. As someone else said she could be depressed! If she really think she loves your brother and he's rejecting her you can't not let it effect you. Maybe you could speak to her and just ask her if she is finding things hard? Maybe she needs a shoulder to cry on because everyone will just point out what she's doing wrong not doing right. At the end of the day yes she should act like an adult but she's still only 17 and trying to bring a baby up is hard enough let alone being on your own. But yes he shouldn't suffer because of her so it does need to get sorted. I really hope it gets worked out hun, sounds like you adore your nephew!

 

[beanie]

I'm not sticking up for her but is there a chance she could be depressed?

thats what I was wondering. I would also contact social services, they will hopefully offer her the support she needs to help her to take care of her son; and if this can't happen will hopefully find a place for him where he will get the love he deserves.

 

[Jade89]

I hope it gets sorted too.

I'm gonna get my sister to contact a health visitor or social services if it comes to it, she's better at that stuff than I am.

I do hope they give her a social worker or something to help her along if she is finding it hard and what she's doing might be her way of not facing it.

The thing is though, she doesn't apreciate advice. She took him to the HV the other week about something, and the HV told her he shouldn't still be drinking juice from a bottle coz he has teeth now and any sugar will stick to his teeth more if he's drinking it from a bottle. She basically turned her nose up at this advice thinking that she's being lectured or something.

She says she's tried him with a beaker but he wont drink from it...(so he's gonna drink from a bottle forever?) But if a beaker is the only thing there then he's obviously gonna drink from it if he's thirsty. Just seems like she likes choosing the easiest option every time!

God help when it's time to potty train! Oh My Goodness, I dread to think!

 

[fran_23]

my mum had me when she was 17...its just no excuse for her behaviour..i know from your point of view it seems shes being a lazy selfish cow (and quite rightly) but perhaps shes depressed and finds working and going out her outlet, its not an excuse or anything i just mean she could need some proper help, i cant see how any woman could neglect her child so badly so she cant be in a good frame of mind....
unless she really is just selfish and lazy!! in which case she shouldnt have the baby..would it be an option for your brother to go for full custody?? if so he should write down all this stuff etc..he'd have a good case!

 

[budge]

well i did think depressed too but she goes out drinking and stuff. I think she is more than likely just plain immature and lazy.

 

[fran_23]

yeah..sounds like it tbh!

 

[oldermum]

Is he walking?

May seem a silly question but my little boy walked at 7 and a half months and he would have been potty training by 12 months, running around half naked is great for sore bottoms but i guess she doesn't have the time for this.

I'm older so i'm probably a bit more old school but i never gave my children pop in their bottles, and as you say it does look like she's taking all the easy options, god help her when he hits the terrible two's/three's.

 

[Lyn_no3]

i dont wanna stick up for her either but altho i never neglected my kids to that extent i did sometimes feel emotionally void when i first split with their dad i felt like crap all the time!!
but luckily i was really paranoid my ex would try to take the boys off me if i wasnt the perfect mum.
it was really hard bein on my own with them and i went undiagnosed with depression for ages it was amazing when the doctor finally turned the light on,
what im tryin to say is maybe she needs some help emotionally?

no excuses tho your kids should always come first!!