How to manage a very low day

Alexis2017

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I keep feeling okay and focusing on the fact we are on the waiting list for IVF yet these days like today grab a hold of me and swing me about and I feel so sad and low I can't deal with...anything

What do you do to pull yourself back together when you feel like this. I keep focusing on the fact if IVF doesn't work I will be so sad and torn apart. I can't see how it will work for me. I am doomed6
doomed
 
My coping strategy in general is to take action that I think will help me get closer to my goal. I hate sitting there feeling powerless.

Having said that, for ttc when I was in a relationship, at one point I decided to accept it wasn't going to work and focused on giving myself some love and doing fun things for me and I actually fell pregnant shortly after (sadly mmc at 12 weeks which then crashes my world) but for that time I enjoyed getting on with life.

The mistake I made several years ago was that thinking ivf was going to be a silver bullet and assuming it would work first time. I've now had 6 ivf treatments and just one baby from that. However, there are things that you and your partner can do to try to maximise ivf success too (I posted a list a few months ago). So I'd advocate doing some fun things for yourself and making sure your lifestyle is as healthy as you can make it x

It sucks to be where you are, but please don't waste your life like I did in my 30s xx
 
I too am having a really hard time Alexis, the 12 month mark hit me harder than I ever imagined. I always thought I’d be holding my baby by now, not still counting days every month and trying to find the magical moment of ovulation!

A few months ago, I decided that my mental health was more important, I mean I want to be a role model for a child. So I chose to get a new excercise routine, adding in some yoga for my mental health and made sure that I had a weekly ‘spa bath’ (aka bubbles and a face mask) and generally changed a few little things to make me feel better. Changing my goal from ttc to health had a massive impact and I felt so much better.

It was working really well until my cp last month so I’m going to start again this week.

You are so much more than just this journey, embrace all of the incredible aspects of you, not just the negative one in your life right now.

I hope you feel better soon xx
 
I would echo what the others have said, it’s important to enjoy life and live for the present. I needed fertility treatment for my son and I never imagined that would happen to me. On my current ttc journey I just want to relax and get my body to the best possible place to carry a baby x
 
I too am having a really hard time Alexis, the 12 month mark hit me harder than I ever imagined. I always thought I’d be holding my baby by now, not still counting days every month and trying to find the magical moment of ovulation!

A few months ago, I decided that my mental health was more important, I mean I want to be a role model for a child. So I chose to get a new excercise routine, adding in some yoga for my mental health and made sure that I had a weekly ‘spa bath’ (aka bubbles and a face mask) and generally changed a few little things to make me feel better. Changing my goal from ttc to health had a massive impact and I felt so much better.

It was working really well until my cp last month so I’m going to start again this week.

You are so much more than just this journey, embrace all of the incredible aspects of you, not just the negative one in your life right now.

I hope you feel better soon xx

Hey sugaryiris - I'm totally with you on the doing things for you thing its so true! I always felt so much better when someone told me to start doing something every couple of weeks and one bigger thing once a month that relaxes you - baths and massages were great, and also nice long walks! Also Sugary in case its of interest - I buy bags of lavender Epsom salts from boots (they're only about £5 for a big bag) because apparently, Epsom salts are full of magnesium which is great for fertility, and no chemicals and so you are getting a little bit of a mineral 'boost' whilst also being super chilled!) Just thought I'd mention in case you wanted to look out for them!! You've reminded me I must get back to doing these things when we have finished with all our tests! x
 
I don’t think there is an answer to this. After being here for so long it just is natural. I got really annoyed with hubby the other day because I was down. I think the only thing to take away from it is that there is always hope. Sometimes that hope makes life feel terrible but in the mist of it all, we do have hope. No matter how bad things seem, we have hope and a chance.
 
I too am having a really hard time Alexis, the 12 month mark hit me harder than I ever imagined. I always thought I’d be holding my baby by now, not still counting days every month and trying to find the magical moment of ovulation!

A few months ago, I decided that my mental health was more important, I mean I want to be a role model for a child. So I chose to get a new excercise routine, adding in some yoga for my mental health and made sure that I had a weekly ‘spa bath’ (aka bubbles and a face mask) and generally changed a few little things to make me feel better. Changing my goal from ttc to health had a massive impact and I felt so much better.

It was working really well until my cp last month so I’m going to start again this week.

You are so much more than just this journey, embrace all of the incredible aspects of you, not just the negative one in your life right now.

I hope you feel better soon xx

Hey sugaryiris - I'm totally with you on the doing things for you thing its so true! I always felt so much better when someone told me to start doing something every couple of weeks and one bigger thing once a month that relaxes you - baths and massages were great, and also nice long walks! Also Sugary in case its of interest - I buy bags of lavender Epsom salts from boots (they're only about £5 for a big bag) because apparently, Epsom salts are full of magnesium which is great for fertility, and no chemicals and so you are getting a little bit of a mineral 'boost' whilst also being super chilled!) Just thought I'd mention in case you wanted to look out for them!! You've reminded me I must get back to doing these things when we have finished with all our tests! x

I’ll definitely look out for them thanks 1sttimer
 
Thanks everyone. I found the 1 year mark hard but we are fast approaching the 2 year mark of ttc officially but been off the pill for almost 4 years. I have found the last 3 months particularly difficult as I really though it happen between 1 -1.5 years. I'm now on cycle 21 and I really didn't think I would be here. I already have a healthy diet as I habe coeliac disease I cook all meals fromnscaratch and can't eat junk food or takeaways or cakes etc. I don't smoke and rarely drink, I horse ride and exersie regularly. I eat lots of veg and have cut out caffeine. I take zinc , vit D and folic acid every day for past 3 years. I don't think I can do anything more than I am. I tired Accupunture and meditation but just wasn't for me. I have saw many people I've worked with fall pregnant who drink , smoke, eat fatty take away every week and are over weight sink don't think theses thing matter even though you try your best in everything so it eliminates that from having an negative effect. My husband isn't supportive at all. He is a closed book and never wants to talk and I feel so alone and worried about the whole process of IVF and worried I will feel like its all on me.

I invited loads of friends and work colleagues to my house for a BBQ later this month and one of my work colleagues wee boy is turning one so she has now set his bday party same day and trumpt my BBQ as the rest all habe kids ...she said I could still come. How nice

It's things like that that send me over the edge when I am sitting on the edge every day.
 
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It sounds like the lifestyle is healthy, but what about treating yourself? Doing things you enjoy? Getting pampered? Time with friends? Time for you. X
 
LTTTC is truly shit and no one should ever have to go through it but sadly far too many do.

I tried to find lots of things that either focused on making me feel good or couples things that weren't particularly family friendly. It was a bit like if I can't have what I want, I might as well make the most of what I've got. There just came a point where I realised that the whole thing was consuming me and I needed to take back control and not allow myself to be defined by it anymore. This was something that just came with time and I couldn't have got there until I was ready.

I'm sorry your husband isn't supportive. It can be very different for men which makes it hard for them to relate. Is there anyone else you can talk to that is more understanding? My husband was incredibly supportive the whole way through and I don't know how I'd have got through it without him so I can't imagine how isolated you must feel.

Thinking of you.
 
I don't know, it's shit and at the moment it's tearing our relationship apart too. It was our 9 year wedding anniversary yesterday... nothing. He isn't supportive at all, he kicked off in theatre last time. He finds everything hard, is doing a degree too on top of everything plus doesn't like his job, but won't get counselling or talk. I find it good to talk but he hates me talking about him. I don't even know where he is now.

I'm due an op soon and will be going in on my own.
 
Also IVF isn't that bad, but if your husband is like mine he will find disappointment hard to deal with and act like it's all on them. He said he wanted to be involved but I wish he had only been involved for the essential part, as horrible as that sounds... I ended up going to most appointments etc on my own. He did injections at the start but then I did them myself so he wouldn't stress.
 
So I appreciate I’m in LTTTC for a different reason than you guys; I fall pregnant averagely easily, but really don’t seem to be any good at staying pregnant.

But in all honesty I’ve just accepted that I may not have a child. If the worst case scenario is that it’s only ever me and my husband, that’s a pretty good worst case scenario compared to what some people deal with.

On bad days when all I can think about are the losses, I focus on building a happy life. I do the things I enjoy. I run. I take king walks with the dog. I’ll book an evening out with my husband, either to see a comedian or a show, or a break away somewhere. I’ll see my friends or my goddaughter.

Maybe it’ll work out one day, maybe it won’t
 
I don't know, it's shit and at the moment it's tearing our relationship apart too. It was our 9 year wedding anniversary yesterday... nothing. He isn't supportive at all, he kicked off in theatre last time. He finds everything hard, is doing a degree too on top of everything plus doesn't like his job, but won't get counselling or talk. I find it good to talk but he hates me talking about him. I don't even know where he is now.

I'm due an op soon and will be going in on my own.

Yeah we have been together 14 years (4 years married last week) and I just feel so alone and frustrated. I've asked him to cut out caffeine a d alcohol for 1 month for so long ....just 1 month to try still waiting. I am told 'why get upset if you can't change it' I think this is so insensitive and such a cruel thing to say. I have stopped socialising where I can as I can't deal to be around other people. I hate myself and my body and most wknds I hide in the house now. I never treat myself I feel too guilty and never enjoy it anyway. I hate spa days and stuff like that.
 
Alexis - you sound like me, and your husband sounds like mine. They won't do anything even to help themselves, never mind to help ttc.

Akua- my clinic in Coventry do tests through Warwick Uni to have a look at recurrent miscarriages. I had them for implantation failure and something was picked up. Google "implantation clinic Coventry" and it's the first result. xx
 

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