How the hell is this fair (single parenting moan)

[keepontrying]

I get ditched for no reason, the man i beleived in and planned a child with walks away.

i have to meet mortgage, council tax, tv license, water rates, gas, electric, phone, clothing, food, child care bills etc etc running into every penny i will earn

he pays 15% of disposable income in maintenance??????

fair? is it fuck!

rant over................

 

[hellywelly]

There should be a 'you are a *******' maintenance fee as well!!

 

[winnie89]

U should get help with ur council tax hun being a single parent, see what else u can claim being a low income parent x

 

[BabyBrain]

Get down citizens advice and find out what you can do, there's a lot of laws now as to what he has to help with whether you are married or not.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[leannesxb]

Defo go to citizens advice and get them to help you find out what you can get. There is a lot that they will help you with hun. It happened to me with my first. I never even got that 15%. lol. Never in 14 years have I had a penny off the man. They can be *******s but in time your prince will come! They aren't all the same you know. xxxxxxxx

 

[keepontrying]

Defo go to citizens advice and get them to help you find out what you can get. There is a lot that they will help you with hun. It happened to me with my first. I never even got that 15%. lol. Never in 14 years have I had a penny off the man. They can be *******s but in time your prince will come! They aren't all the same you know. xxxxxxxx

Thanks babe, its just so scary! Im frightened of coping alone, im frightened that when he is in bed at night and its just me and my lonliness iwill miserable and it will affet how i can be as a parent. its just not what i wanted or ever thought would happen. I will get in touch with CAB asap - however I have been looking online and im not sure I can get anywhere near what i need.

i will survive , i know that. I just do not want any of my emotional issues over this to affect my son. Im a bit of a neurotic mess - im so frightened that my little boy wont even get here or something tragic will happen..... at a time when all i needed was a cuddle and reassurance all i got was rejection.
ARSEHOLE!
XX

 

[BabyBrain]

There's 2 ways to get the best revenge on men, castration and costing them money. One's a bit extreme and the other one seems impossible sometimes but it can happen. The CAB will put you in touch with a family solicitor, you should get legal aid, and they will protect your interests hun.

Don't get depressed, get even, and at least you know you'll be bringing your baby up from the word go without that twat messing with both of your heads. Any moron can make sperm, not every man can be a daddy. And to me your LO is best off with just you.

You'll be a wonderful mummy and when your hormones die down after the birth you'll get strong again. You've got everything to look forward to xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[poppypd]

My OH's opinion of men like this is so low! he just cannot understand how someone can not be there for a child. I agree with the other ladies, I hope you can get some advice and financial help and are getting emotional support from somewhere. when the baby comes you will love it so much that hopefully you'll be grateful he's not around and you can do exactly as you wish with your beautiful baby. Do you have family support to help you in first few weeks? Xxx

 

[keepontrying]

Ladies thanks so much for your kind words, its amazing how even strangers on teh internet can help you - make sure you dont think your going insane!

tonight is my first official night alone (my friend has been amazing and staying with me non stop) my mum said she will stay after the birth for as long as i want her too (i asked till my son is 3!) I dont know what i would have done without the love genoristy and support of my besties and family - no one can compensate for him, no one can replace him and the devastation that he has lef me with is unreal - But I do know that in time i will simply pity him for being such a juvenile fool.... i just ned to cope til i reach that point! xxx Thanks so much xxx

 

[BabyBrain]

You'll cope sweetheart. Lovers can come and go but the love you'll share with your son will last forever. Kids aren't fools and he will grow up knowing he's on to a good thing having you for his mummy. Rather have one brilliant parent who is single xxxxxxxxx

 

[leannesxb]

I found my relationship with my son was and always has been so tight and close its unreal. We adore each other and hes like my little protector. Even at 14 he still gives me cuddles and kisses and all his mates treat me like a second mum. He has no interest in his real dad and knows how hard we have struggled to get to where we are today. I won't sugar coat it, there were nights at the begining where I cried in the corner because he wouldn't stop crying or because he was ill and I didn't know what to do. But those times pass hun and they are so few and compared to the amazing times. His first was definitely mummy (none of this dada business lol), we used to snuggle under a duvet and watch films etc. Last night even he laid on the bed next to me watching Waterloo Rd, sharing maltesers and watching AJ wriggle. I feel really proud that I have raised a man who may just be one of the good ones!!! lol

 

[Meljs]

As others have said not all men are like that - you will find someone new who will want you and your LO and will help to support you both. In the mean time make sure you try and get what you are entitled to from him - but be prepared that if he was willing to leave you while you are pregnant he may be an a**ehole and put barriers in your way - the best option would be to come to a private agreement with him as to how much he will give you and not involve solicitors etc if you can.

 

[cobwebs_85]

This is what gets me, theres girls out there that treat their men like sh*t and use them yet the men stick by them, then theres people like u that really make an effort and do everything to b a family n they do the dirty on us! I really REALLY dont get it!!! Ur prince will come hun, he doesnt deserve to b a father if hes done that to u xxx

 

[So_hopeful81]

I want to say everything that the girls above have said! 4 and a half years ago I was in the exact same position as you. I remember being pregnant and walking into a bar with a friend, an my daughter's Father was with another woman and looked at me in complete and utter disgust. I felt so uncomfortable all night. I walked away quickly!!! I felt like I was bad to be there-
I remember crying and crying while I was pregnant and felt like because iwas the woman I was going to have to be the one that SACRIFICED my life for this child, whilst he could carry on going out, meeting other 'mates' and enjoying himself!
I remember feeling sick about finances, and wondering how the hell me and this child would cope. Initially I even had to move home with my parents because financially I just couldn't do it! That was a bummer big time for me! Yet another SACRIFICE!!!

When Imogen was born, I looked at her and felt an amazing bond between us. I did that every day for weeks an weeks and weeks! When her 'father' turned up, he also talked about this bond that he felt too! I noticed over time though that his relationship was very different to the one I had with her. Initially I allowed him to visit her as much as he wanted. He didn't visit between her 3r and her 5th week! I could not understand this at all! It seemed crazy to me!!! I could not understand how he didn't want to see her every single day - as much as possible!

After a whole, I got frustrated and limite him to Sunday's only - that turned into Sunday at his house for an hour (that killed me!) and then when I went back to work his mum had her every Wednesday so he would see her then too!

Now he still only sees her every other Sunday at his mums house (where he lives!) and his mum occasionally sees her during the week, if I'm feeling kind!

My relationship with her is sooo much better than his relationship with her. My fiancé as far as she is concerned is her Daddy too. My fiancé loves her with all of his heart. He boasts with pride when he talks about 'his daughter' and lives every little thing about her. He is such a fab daddy to her. He cannot understand how her biological Father can go so long between visits. He can't understand how he is not phoning us every night to say goodnight to her. He cannot understand that someone can Father a child but not want to be a proper Daddy. To me it just means that her biological Father is more like a sperm donor. Her Daddy now is my fiancé. The man who worships the ground she walks on!

On top of all of this, I can tell you, because I had to be the grown up when I had this child, financially I am sooo much better off than biological sperm donor is now. As I have said, he still lives with his mum and dad - while I have my own mortgage and manage to pay that with my fiancé. I may not go out as often and so perhaps that sacrifice word has happened, but do you know what - I am truly grateful for that. My Friday nights sitting in making my daughter her favourite dinner, and talking to her about her day at school followed by cuddles and stories and talks about all of the exciting things we can do over the weekend beats that life hands down. For one, I have a purpose to my life. He still lives the boring life I used to live when I didn't have a real reason to live.
Wheny daughter is ill, she wants me, not him! When my daughter has had a great day, she wants to tell me- not him! I have shared some of the most amazing moments of my life with her in the last 4 and a half years! He hasn't had half of what I have had. I now pity him for that and realise that it was he who made the sacrifice!!!

Trust me when I say to you, you are the lucky one! He is a fool for walking away and not helping you! You have something now more precious than any amount of money or treasure. You will make an amazing mummy and the reason I know this is because you are worrying about what sort of a mummy you will make. That is proof that you will end up doing everything in your power to make your baby's life the best in the world!

Keep yor besties and family close. Their support will be invaluable to you at many different times. But keep your confidence high! You will be fantastic- I promise you!!!

Massive hugs xxxx