How do I say no?

[x-kirsty-x]

OH's parents had a baby 6 weeks ago and by the time ours is born Alfie (theirs) will be almost one and I know they're gonna be getting rid of all their baby stuff.

The thing is, last time I was pregnant I was young and living at home so my mam sort of took over and bought everything and I didnt have much choice in the matter.

This time I really want to get everything ourselves, its something Id like OH and myself to do together...going out shopping for all the baby things will be nice I think.

Anyway my point is that I know MIL is probably gonna offer me the moses basket and all sorts of other stuff. How do I say no without offending her?

Also, I picked the cot I want, its that round Stokke one and its quite expensive at £400 but we can afford it. My mum then offered to buy a cot for us (but obviously not the one I wanted!) and I dunno what to do!

Im not being ungrateful, far from it...its just last time I had to put up with what everyone else wanted and this time I wanted to do it my way

 

[weestar21]

why dont you suggest to both your parents and say to them yous know what you want and instead of them bying stuff to give yous something towards what yous both want.

im sure they will realise this time round you want it to be perfect
good luck hun
xxxxxxx

 

[littlebump]

Hmm - I know what you mean - you don't want to offend anyone. I also understand you wanting to pick things out yourself, though there will be so many other opportunities to buy things down the line - e.g. could you put the money from the cot towards the buggy of your dreams??

As far as telling people, how about if you say quite early on 'actually we've got a cot on order - DH got a really good deal on it and it's exactly what we're looking for but thanks so much for the offer'. I would have a think about what is really important to you and what is not - things I thought were really important to me early on last time turned out not to be important at all, and certainly not worth the stress I put myself through!!

LBxx

 

[Charm]

I'm in the same situation. But my sisters and SIL want to borrow us items. This is our first and we both work hard so we should be able to buy new and keep the items for future babies.

So I've just been saying that we're going to try and get all matching stuff and if you want to get us anything can you just give us vouchers and we'll put the towards something.

I've also said that if we can't afford to buy certain things we'll let them know so we can borrow theres.

I don't want to sound ungrateful but it's our baby and if we can afford it we want all new, that's not too much to ask is it?

Cx

 

[Emma22]

my friend has had the same problem but she is quite firm and puts her foot down. If it was me i would say thanks so much for thinking of us but we have already chosen some things that we have fallen in love with and if you would like to contribute towards those then that would be great. if it were my parents and inlaws i know they would totally understand, this is our first one so can imagine we will have lots of people wanting to help out which ill be very grateful for but will choose everything myself and if they dont like it then thats fine.

 

[x-kirsty-x]

I don't want to sound ungrateful but it's our baby and if we can afford it we want all new, that's not too much to ask is it?

Thats exactly how I feel. I know they'll understand and I dont mind getting a few things given to us but just not everything!

I think I might accept the offer of a cot from my parents though cos when I think about it, the one I've been looking at is a hell of alot of money and its only gonna last a few years, its really not worth it. Its gorgeous and I love the design but they all do the same job!

My mum doesnt understand why people pay so much for stuff though, like when I told her we've booked a private sexing scan she couldnt understand why I would want to pay for it when I get one free at 20 weeks anyway! Bless her lol

 

[gingerpig]

I like the idea of asking for vouchers towards things, sounds great! If any of your relly's do have stuff left over that they want to get rid of, they can always offer it up on their local branch of freecycle.com We got loads of stuff from there - we felt it was going to be so expensive that if we could get good quality stuff for free than we would. Not that we wont buy exactly what the baby needs! I'm having a similar problem with my mum - first of all she wanted to give the baby toys that she's kept that I used to use I am 35 btw! I took a deep breath before saying that it might be alight, but only if I'd checked the toys over first.... Last convo we had she was saying we should wave sparklers at it next year - really not sure that would go well with babies grab reaction, so it aint going to happen lol. I think with my mum it's because she wants to feel involved but wants to offer useful things and not tread on any toes. So I've said to her that if she does want to give the baby something, why doesn't she choose something really nice (and modern!!!!!!!!!) as a gift for the baby like a nice, safe toy or something. So that way she's still involved, she's still having something to think about, but it will be super safe for baby. That kind of works for your lot as well, if you said you've got your heart on something, can they either get that as it fits in with your colour scheme or limit them to something smaller which you dont want to get yourself.

 

[Minime]

My mum doesnt understand why people pay so much for stuff though, like when I told her we've booked a private sexing scan she couldnt understand why I would want to pay for it when I get one free at 20 weeks anyway! Bless her lol

Because the NHS one is rushed and is a medical scan whereas the private one is very relaxed, you get a dvd to watch over and over again, loads of pictures and you can tell them what you want to look at so are able to say Can I look at his face again and voila they do it
I'd highly recommend it to anyone who doesnt want a 4d scan but want that little bit extra. Ive even got the video on my fone so can watch him anytime.

Know what you mean about buying stuff. OH feels left out as I've bought everything but when I had DD I wasnt working and other people got me things like the moses basket, car seat and whatnot whereas this time round I dont need anybody to provide anything so WANT to do it myself.

I'd just be firm and say you've already decided what you want but you'll keep them in mind.

 

[nikki1306]

Go out and buy things now hun while they are still using their stuff,that way all you have to say is we already have bought that but thanks anyway xx

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

I agreew ith Nicki buy it first then whatever you dont have you can suggest they get for you .
Gonna be kinda neat to have an uncle a year older My friend was like that growing up and we never beleived it always thought they were cousins.
Katrina

 

[x-kirsty-x]

lol I know, they'll be really close!

That means Josh is 3 years older than his uncle