Miracle babe
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Hi there I'm new to this board so thought I'd start with a little background info about myself which might also explain my choice of username.
7 years ago I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl but it was a dreadful labour and they nearly lost us both. Thankfully my daughter is fit and well and I eventually recovered after 6 months and reconstructive surgery. The thought of having another baby scared me rigid after that experience and so trying for another baby wasn't something I considered until 2002. I eventually fell pregnant in the october and we were delighted but very frightened, the strange thing is that as soon as I did that test I knew deep down that something wasnt right. I didnt tell my husband but went away and for some reason looked up ectopic pregnancy, as it turns out that was a very wise move. On the following monday while driving to work I was gripped by the most agonising pains and some how or other managed to drive myself to A & E where I collapsed. The docs there were great and following scans and blood tests they told me I was in fact ectopic. In fact the doctor who came to see me told me that as my HCG levels had dipped it was evident that my baby had died. Not the most sensitive way of telling me, I was devastated and on my own at the hospital, thankfully a kind nurse came and comforted me and I was given a shot of Metha before being sent home in a state of shock. I have grieved for that baby and have always kept the pregnancy test from that baby as I feel its all I have to even prove its exsistence, foolish of me I know but its all I had. We started trying again in the following february (2003) but nothing happened then in May 2003 I was struck down with Psoriatic Arthritis which more or less left me dependent on my husband unable to even carry a cup of coffee from one room to another. Having another baby just seemed to be moving further and further away from my grasp as I struggled to regain my independence through a huge regiem of drugs. Eventually in 2004 I began to regain the use of my limbs and we decided at this point to look into adoption. We were accepted and passed all the tests we were extatic and then at the 11 th hour the cruelest blow was dealt us when we were told that due to my condition we could not be considered. I felt like my world was just crumbling around me all my dreams of providing my little one with a sibling to love and support each other after I am gone was being ripped from me. I dont honestly know what I would have done without the love and support of my husband and that beautiful little girl of mine. I realised that I was truly blessed and determined to keep fighting for our dream. In october of 2005 I had investigative surgery and was finally told that the legacy of having my daughter was massive internal damage which made the chance of concieving less than 10%. IVF was beyond our financial means We had finally reached the end of the road. I spoke to my mother in tears and told her that for years I had prayed to God to let me have another child and I didnt understand why he didnt answer. My mother looked at me and simply said 'my darling sometimes no is an answer'. In that moment I realised I no longer could ask God for a baby but simply ask him to give me the strength to accept his will for me. Acceptance is hard in those circumstances but with my family around me I faced New Years Eve 2005 with new plans for 2006 and although tinged with sadness realised that I was already blessed.
I was also fighting my illness with new success thanks to a new drug prescribed to me by my rheumatologist, I was told the drug would stop me ovulating but by this point this was no longer an issue. 2006 was going to be a better year with new dreams. Then on the 22 January I began to feel sick in school (I am a teacher) and had to leave the class on several occasions. When I came home I fell asleep almost immediately. The next day my husband asked me when I had last had my period and to be honest I could not tell him, something which had once obsessed me was no longer of any concern. He suggested I do a test and reluctantly I complied. To be truthful after I had done the test I did not even look at it but threw it straight in the bin and went and had my breakfast. My husband took my silence as a negative result and other than simply hugging me we said nothing (sometimes no words are needed). I then returned to the bathroom to finish getting ready for work and looking down saw the test in the bin. I thought I'd better check it and so retrieved it. As I sat on the edge of the bath I saw a sight so precious to me, one I thought never to see again, a positive test. I could hardly speak as I showed it to my husband, we were both in shock but naturally very scared as I was on huge amounts of drugs and because of the previous Ectopic. We took it slowly and went to the hospital where they conducted a scan. I think my heart must have stopped as there on the screen beat another. Safe and in the right place. I simply lay there and sobbed. Since then all my tests have come back positvely. I am off all my drugs and they reassure me will not have done any harm. Today as I sit here typing this I am 21 weeks pregnant and still putting my faith in him who cares for me above all others. As for fear of labour, I laugh at it, what once held such fear for me is now simply a small hurdle compared with everything else we have endured.
My little girl is so happy she hugs the bump and tells me how much she loves the baby. She wants to call it Jesus as she believes it is a miracle as God fixed mams broken tummy. It will not be called Jesus by the way.
I thank God each and every day for blessing me despite all the odds being against us and pray that he continues to look after my baby and my family and so eventually I can look down into my babies eyes and see a little piece of heaven reflected in them.
7 years ago I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl but it was a dreadful labour and they nearly lost us both. Thankfully my daughter is fit and well and I eventually recovered after 6 months and reconstructive surgery. The thought of having another baby scared me rigid after that experience and so trying for another baby wasn't something I considered until 2002. I eventually fell pregnant in the october and we were delighted but very frightened, the strange thing is that as soon as I did that test I knew deep down that something wasnt right. I didnt tell my husband but went away and for some reason looked up ectopic pregnancy, as it turns out that was a very wise move. On the following monday while driving to work I was gripped by the most agonising pains and some how or other managed to drive myself to A & E where I collapsed. The docs there were great and following scans and blood tests they told me I was in fact ectopic. In fact the doctor who came to see me told me that as my HCG levels had dipped it was evident that my baby had died. Not the most sensitive way of telling me, I was devastated and on my own at the hospital, thankfully a kind nurse came and comforted me and I was given a shot of Metha before being sent home in a state of shock. I have grieved for that baby and have always kept the pregnancy test from that baby as I feel its all I have to even prove its exsistence, foolish of me I know but its all I had. We started trying again in the following february (2003) but nothing happened then in May 2003 I was struck down with Psoriatic Arthritis which more or less left me dependent on my husband unable to even carry a cup of coffee from one room to another. Having another baby just seemed to be moving further and further away from my grasp as I struggled to regain my independence through a huge regiem of drugs. Eventually in 2004 I began to regain the use of my limbs and we decided at this point to look into adoption. We were accepted and passed all the tests we were extatic and then at the 11 th hour the cruelest blow was dealt us when we were told that due to my condition we could not be considered. I felt like my world was just crumbling around me all my dreams of providing my little one with a sibling to love and support each other after I am gone was being ripped from me. I dont honestly know what I would have done without the love and support of my husband and that beautiful little girl of mine. I realised that I was truly blessed and determined to keep fighting for our dream. In october of 2005 I had investigative surgery and was finally told that the legacy of having my daughter was massive internal damage which made the chance of concieving less than 10%. IVF was beyond our financial means We had finally reached the end of the road. I spoke to my mother in tears and told her that for years I had prayed to God to let me have another child and I didnt understand why he didnt answer. My mother looked at me and simply said 'my darling sometimes no is an answer'. In that moment I realised I no longer could ask God for a baby but simply ask him to give me the strength to accept his will for me. Acceptance is hard in those circumstances but with my family around me I faced New Years Eve 2005 with new plans for 2006 and although tinged with sadness realised that I was already blessed.
I was also fighting my illness with new success thanks to a new drug prescribed to me by my rheumatologist, I was told the drug would stop me ovulating but by this point this was no longer an issue. 2006 was going to be a better year with new dreams. Then on the 22 January I began to feel sick in school (I am a teacher) and had to leave the class on several occasions. When I came home I fell asleep almost immediately. The next day my husband asked me when I had last had my period and to be honest I could not tell him, something which had once obsessed me was no longer of any concern. He suggested I do a test and reluctantly I complied. To be truthful after I had done the test I did not even look at it but threw it straight in the bin and went and had my breakfast. My husband took my silence as a negative result and other than simply hugging me we said nothing (sometimes no words are needed). I then returned to the bathroom to finish getting ready for work and looking down saw the test in the bin. I thought I'd better check it and so retrieved it. As I sat on the edge of the bath I saw a sight so precious to me, one I thought never to see again, a positive test. I could hardly speak as I showed it to my husband, we were both in shock but naturally very scared as I was on huge amounts of drugs and because of the previous Ectopic. We took it slowly and went to the hospital where they conducted a scan. I think my heart must have stopped as there on the screen beat another. Safe and in the right place. I simply lay there and sobbed. Since then all my tests have come back positvely. I am off all my drugs and they reassure me will not have done any harm. Today as I sit here typing this I am 21 weeks pregnant and still putting my faith in him who cares for me above all others. As for fear of labour, I laugh at it, what once held such fear for me is now simply a small hurdle compared with everything else we have endured.
My little girl is so happy she hugs the bump and tells me how much she loves the baby. She wants to call it Jesus as she believes it is a miracle as God fixed mams broken tummy. It will not be called Jesus by the way.
I thank God each and every day for blessing me despite all the odds being against us and pray that he continues to look after my baby and my family and so eventually I can look down into my babies eyes and see a little piece of heaven reflected in them.
