Help? what am i suppose to think and feel?

[scaredmum2be]

Hey there,
I dont know what to think, i kinda think ive proved to myself of what ive seen today an it really ed me an made me upset i had to walk away from what i seen i just cant believe it.
I had little man on me keeping him busy etc.. an with OH next to me he was reading the paper but he looked up an made lil man smile so silly me passed lil man to OH cos i thought he may wana hug lil man for 5 mins an then pass him back but i was so stupid to realise he wouldnt do it i dont know why i done it maybe i thought it would be a nice moment to cherish i dunno.
I said I will give OH a kiss if he gave LO a kiss and a cuggle u know jokingly but i wanted to see if OH would do it but no he just looked at LO gone out an then he put newspaper down and then went toilet and i thought he will be back in a minute but he wasnt so i asked if he was ok an he did slight crying, i asked him if he wanted to talk and i said wat was wrong he said he cant bond with LO basically because he does one feed in the night because he has to but i think if he didnt do the nite feed he wouldnt bother with LO its so upsetting that i had to see that. I know OH has got depressiong but it feels like hes taking it out on lil man an its not fair
what am i suppose to think? xx

 

[Piglet10]

dunno what to suggest hun at all im sorry xx

 

[Toonlass]

Dunno what to say chcik. xx

 

[MrsR]

Massive hugs x the bond might come as LO gets older and starts doing more things and interacting a bit more x

 

[mumofmany]

i rememebr when i had my 4th my husbands 2nd he ignored her and cause i was breastfeeding he didn;t do any feeds, he just said she was boring which was hurtful, our 1st was 12 months old and just starting to do things so he finally started to interact with him properly. I'm not making excuses but sometimes men just find babies boring and then struggle to bond with them, they see us with them and how the baby needs us and just feel that baby doesn;t need them, they then see that things to do with baby is our job. its obviously upsetting your husband that he feels like this so he is not heartless. hopefully in time when your little man gets a bit older and he comes over to him and gives him special time and cries to go to him and starts saying dada etc things will star to improve. I must admit though when i had our 5th my husband was home alot more and he told me i pushed him out, i just too over doing everything for baby so i had to make a consous effort not to take over. I really hope it gets better with time, i dont really have any advice to help him bond just wanted you to know that sometimes men are totally different to us and also sometimes mums feel like this towrads their babies they had an idea in their head what it would be like and when its not its hard, I struggled with my 3rd cause he was born 2 months prem afer my waters breaking at 22 weeks and being told he was going to die he stayed in for 11 weeks and he was in SCBU and just didn;t feel like mine, and it just wasn't how i expected it to be, I breastfed him when i hadn;t breastfed the others to make him feel like mine and try and form a bond it worked after a couple of weeks but sadly men cant do that.

 

[scaredmum2be]

Yeah maybe as LO gets bigger and older and more interesting. He does suffer severe depression at the moment which he is going therapy for but its took 2 years to get on the waiting list an things are starting to get tough.
Hes had a past where his ex took there son away an he thinks when we argue that i will do the same well im not that much of a bitch and i keep telling him that i wont leave with LO im not taking him away so it makes me feel like hes still living in the past abit which i can understand where hes coming from but i think to myself I am not his ex an hes treating me like one.
He hasnt said LO is boring he just says all he does is cry and he cant cope with it but us women have no choice but to cope with it. He has a short fuse after 5 mins he cant stand the fact LO cries where it can take me all day to get frustrated with LO after a hard day. He says he cant do baby stages. I cant go for a bath or eat in peace so therefore i cant leave him with OH cos hubby just not seeming that bothered so i try not to let LO cry even though your suppose to so im making a rod for my own back.
I know hes not being heartless cos i know he wants to feel that bond. But he says its mainly when we argue he struggles to want to get near LO but on his good days with no arguements he does even look at LO its like he doesnt exist lol.
Ive sat down an let him do it but he doesnt like getting up to sort LO heck he moans about LO waking up in the night out of habit an then do the night feed i even did the night feed. I dont have a choice but to do almost everything but then i also dont mind because hes my son.
I see other men with there LO very small babies an they dont seem to have struggle bonding. LO wont see wat other half is like cos hes still young but i will remember how he is if you know what i mean so it is hard for me.
When ive sat down to try an relax if LO starts crying... I will leave it for so long but OH's head stuck in the computer an hes said because im hear he basically doesnt need to do it because he knows ill eventually do it as i dont like a screaming baby in my ear 24/7 well not to that extent but you catch my drift.
He says he blanks out his depression by being on the computer. I went in the bath the other day an he cried alot so i had to get out so i didnt enjoy my bath i just get fed up of trying to do things for myself for 5 mins. lol.
Now it seems like im moaning when i dont mean to. I just didnt realise how much his depression is puttin a strain on things an when i was pregnant i Imagined that he would bond he loved it when he was born an now cos hes teething an wont stop being whingey alot an he only puts dummy in to LOs mouth which he doesnt want cos most likely his gums hurt or nappy change etc..
sorry for the long reply an thanks people. I just didnt know if there was neone else out there thats in the same boat x

 

[mumofmany]

I really do feel for you, it sounds alot worse than i realised, i do think he is blaming his depression on not bonding here, no one likes to hear a crying baby, but putting his head in the computer will not help anything as you will already know, he has to try and bond not just accept that he cant. I understand the ex thing but again it seems like he making alot of excuses up, it really isn't fair that you cant even have a bath, but baby is used to you now and probably wont settle for your husband. I have always done the night feeds even when my son went onto the bottle, he is 11 months now and started waking in the night and it is exhausting doing it alone i have now offered water instead of milk and it worked after a few nights he must have thought sod this i'm not waking up for that and fingers crossed he hasn't woken since.I really hope things start to improve for you, but i cant see much improving if he isn't even trying, if he is trying sorry for putting him down, its just how it sounded like you are a single parent even though your not.