HELP PLEASE! Worrying!

[JemRose]

TTC is the worst time I think for all of us, month after month trying and doing everything right and still ending in a visit from the dreaded witch!

No matter how hard I convince myself I'm going to ignore symptoms, I still set myself up thinking omg this could be it! With AF a day late this month after always being regular, I really thought I would end my week with a BFP. Instead it's ended in a late visit from the one and only mother nature!

Anyway, so last night she came and I spent the whole night crying. This is the first time it's really hit me so hard. The fun of baby making has gone and the constant disappointment and negativity is kicking in. I'm telling myself that this month I WILL NOT symptom spot or take OPK tests, this month I WILL give myself a break - doubt this very much, I'll be in the same position again in 24 days time.

Sorry, gone off on a ranting tangent - the whole point of my post is that after all of the upset last night, my partner said he couldn't bear to see me getting upset over this anymore and decided to tell me something he has never told me. When he was younger he used to be a bit of trouble (before I knew him) with fighting etc. He was in a fight once and someone kicked him really hard in the balls, causing him to double over in pain and be sick several times. Now he's telling me that he thinks this could have caused him to be infertile, he had always wondered it and now with us struggling to conceive he thinks it's true.

I told him to go and get checked out and have a semen test. He agreed. But later on that night, he said that if it comes back that he is infertile, he will leave me. He said he can't live with the thought that he can't give me what I want and he wants me to be happy and carry on my life and have a baby with someone else. I would rather be with him and have no baby than be with someone else and have a baby with them.

I'm in bits, I don't know what to think or what to do!! I want him to have the test to ease our minds, surely it can't have caused infertility?! But maybe it can?! But what happens if he has the test and is infertile, he's going to leave me?! And what if it's me that infertile? You never know do you?! I'm on a diet at the moment as I'm overweight and I know that can cause problems, so maybe in time with weight loss we'll have better chances?

Oh god ladies, I just don't know what to think! Does anyone know if being hit hard in the balls can actually cause infertility? What can I do to stop my partner thinking it's best to leave me if he is infertile? How do I stop worrying so much about everything???

Sorry for the long post!!

 

[xMillie]

how long have you been ttc?

I'm not sure if it can but if you've both been trying a long time it's worth you both going to get checked out xx

 

[JemRose]

8 months, I think it's a year to get checked out. But now I'm too scared to be checked out

 

[xMillie]

it's a year if you're under 35, 6 months if you're over

I wouldn't worry just yet, I know it's frustrating but it can take healthy couples up a year to conceive
and there is only a 20-25% chance it will happen each month (so low, right!?)

still plenty of time yet, fingers crossed next month is your month xx

 

[LuckyLaura]

I'm so sorry you've really had a rollercoaster of a night!!! First the witch and the disappointment and you'll already be hormonal...

I dont mean annything against your partner as i dont know him and im sure hes a great guy but I can't believe that he wouldn't have told u something so important sooner! Then he's saying hell leave ?!but honestly I'd kill my husband for keeping an important secret like that...and then threatening to leave me. I'd be all "misery" movie style tying him to a bed..

Fingers crossed for the sperm analysis for you guys and I really hope he has slept on it and wised the hell up xxxx

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[JemRose]

He thinks he would be doing it to help me and make me happy .. I do wonder what on earth goes through his head thinking that would make me happy?! Does that mean if it's me who is having the problems that he'll leave me and find someone else to have a baby with? - he says no. So why can't he understand that if it's him, I won't be letting him leave me. Ugh it's so confusing!

I'm 23, he is 9 years older at 32. So I don't know if that's a problem, he seems to think it is? But his dad was still having babies in his 50's so I can't see that his age is a problem either.

I really don't know if I want to do the sperm analysis now!

I think he's just trying to take all the blame on himself to try and make me feel better? He has a warped idea of what would make me happy and make me feel better.

 

[rainbow.23]

Testicle trauma would be very unlikely to be the cause, even blokes with only one testicle have normal sperm counts. Remember they are external body organs, most blokes get hit and kicked in them through their lives, balls are built to take it.

 

[JemRose]

That's what I thought, thank you

 

[LuckyLaura]

Coming from a girl with a mega dramatic husband, maybe he will think over it in the next few days and curtail the crazy idea of leaving you. My husband always makes big declarations then rarely acts on them (the curse of being dramatic as heck) hahaha xx

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[JemRose]

Do we have the same partner??? Although mine is very very stubborn and sticks to his guns! But at the end of it all, I don't think he'll leave me, he'll never get another me haha

 

[Sunflower1]

He's seeing it as very black and white. First of all if it did affect him he might not be 'infertile' but just challenged in that dept and there may well be interventions that can be done if he has a low sperm count or something - like that thing where they place them in the uterus. There could be other issues that can be helped - has he had blood tests?

I had to do tons of weight loss...while you are losing it it may affect your fertility. My hormones took a while to balance. Weight loss can be stressful..I stopped when I got the right side of my BMI as I had been cutting out food that could help fertility and my body was stressed.

Also if - worst case scenario - he can't produce kids, there are OPTIONS! There's donor sperm, there's adoption. It's not his decision - it's both of yours. But what a sweetie for putting your feelings first (in a rather overdramatic way).

How long have you been trying? I takes some couples ages. Might be worth getting some investigations done. But weight and weight loss can mess with hormones so good that you are dealing with that.

 

[JemRose]

Yes Sunflower that's exactly what I've been saying to him. Like you said I think he sees things too black and white and doesn't understand feelings or anything in between.

On Monday I had some bloods taken as wanted to check for hypothyroidism etc. They didn't check my FSH or LH levels though. Just had a phone call and came back with I have low folic acid levels. I have had this on a few blood tests before and normally given Folic Acid tablets, but they have just said to increase green veg.

I was taking Pregnacare Trying To Conceive vitamins, but didn't this month.

Can this affect fertility? I guess I just need to take some folic acid rather than spending loads of money on pregnacare vitamins? Do you think this could have caused any problems?

 

[Sunflower1]

I don't know. I know folic acid is important to stop birth defects. I was told iron was important for fertility and take Spatone iron water.

If you are doing weight loss I think you need to make sure your vitamins are ok and you are not restricting your diet too much. Particularly vitamin D - if it's low that can affect fertility. Mine was low recently so I'm gonna get some.

What kind of weight loss method are you doing? Are your hormones fairly balanced? It might be worth getting a referral to a fertility doctor. Personally I go with a good diet with lots of veg and fruit rather than multivitamins but everyone is different.

With your partner, I think sometimes men feel really helpless when TTC...mine seems to be taking the blame for us not getting pregnant too. Men have a 'fix it' attitude to things. Make it clear to him that he is the most important thing to you and that you will find a way to have a family together whatever happens. xx

 

[JemRose]

They did a full range of blood tests on me, so I assume they'd have picked up on the Vitamin D. I will just start taking the pregnacare vitamins again as they have loads in. And doing Slimming World diet, so I think I get most of what I need?

Yeah I agree with you on the men thing, I have tried to tell him all of that but he's set in his idea that it's his fault and he's holding me back etc. I said we just need to keep trying a bit longer and try the vitamins, weight loss etc.

 

[Sunflower1]

Yeah, the Slimming World one looks fairly sensible. It may be that u are doing everything right hun...has it been over a year? Once you are at a good weight that should help things too. You aren't over exercising with the weight loss are you as that can stress your body too? I know how frustrating it all is.

Have you got NHS advice on TTC? I was told to dtd every other day (although we can't manage that for long) as every day can deplete the swimmers. Are you using opks etc?

 

[JemRose]

We've been TTC for 8 months. Oh, we tend to do it every day, sometimes more than once. Luckily for us the long TTC hasn't decreased any dtd activity. Is it true that too much can deplete the swimmers? As I read somewhere that this was a myth and dtd every day doesn't decrease amount of sperm etc.

But perhaps we will try to do every other day.

Haven't got NHS advice yet as I used to be a secretary in a fertility clinic, so I know it's too soon and know there's not much point as they will tell me to lose weight, which I'm already trying to do.
And yes I use OPKs, but only cheapy ones but they work fine.

 

[KatD]

Oh JR MEN!!! They mean well but they don't realise that they make things WORSE!!! Your poor DH, bless him, he is so scared of not being able to make you happy. He obviously loves you so very much, so much that he is willing to lose you as long as you are happy. Poor thing must be crapping himself. The both of you must be such lovely people! I think you should give him a bear hug and reassure him that you love him, with or without kids. Tell him that yes, you get upset but it's only because you want a family with HIM not someone else, but make sure he knows that even if you guys couldn't have kids it won't ever change how you feel about him and that you want him. As for the sperm depleting, not true, they say every other day because I don't know about you but after a while I get sensitive down there, I guess it's just a comfort thing lol if you guys do it every day and it works for you GO FOR IT XXXX bless you hun

 

[Sunflower1]

I saw an NHS fertility doc and he said every other day was fine and ideal. Twice a day or every day could be depleting the swimmers....I don't think it's a myth. I was using cheapie opks, but with ClearBlue 4 days I get the pos the day before so now I'm confused. But if you dtd regularly it doesn't really matter. Might be worth switching to every other day.

Also 8 months may feel like forever, but the average is 6 months so it's totally normal for it to take longer as you probably know.

I did a low carb diet and lost 1-3lbs a week...it's good if you want to lose weight a bit faster, but I don't know how ok it is for fertility. But you are young, you have loads of time.

Also if you dtd a lot, your OH will need supplements like zinc to replenish. xx

 

[MrsS15]

It's very unlikely a trauma like that would cause infertility as someone else said. Try not to worry! I do understand where your oh is coming from though, when we were struggling to conceive I was the problem and I wanted to give my husband an out if he wanted to take it. Of course he didn't, he constantly told me he loved me and wanted a life with me more. It's an insecurity on the part of the person who feels to blame, it's nothing to do with how much he loves you hun!

As it's only been 8 months I wouldn't worry too much (although I hated people telling me that). Each month try something new to give you a boost and to look forward to another month rather than dread it! Try adding in a different vitamin if you can, get your OH to take zinc definitely and maybe try lube like preseed or conceive plus? I would also definitely try every second day. There's lots of different advice about this but you've been trying every day and that hasn't worked so give every second day a try instead!

Lots of luck xxx

 

[Alexis2017]

Hi I dont think you need to worry but I got my hubbie sperm checked after 7 months ttc and it was normal and made me feel better but you may need to tell a white lie and say its been over 1 year as we had to do that. Its now 10 months on and we have an appt at infertility clinic this month fpr some more tests. I just feel if its around 1 year trying its worth starting the ball rolling as there are huge waiting lists for help...over 1 year. You are still very young and habe time on your side. I am 35 next year and my fertility will decline even more so thats whats worrying me that if we cant get pregnant now it's only going to get harder.

Ttc is awful when it becomes prolonged. I honestly wouldn't wish it on anyone. I really think you have age and time on your side right now. Stay calm, take a deep breath and make some appoitments fpr checks and it will ease your mind. Good luck!