Help please with sleeping

[Blueclass]

My beautiful little princess is 7 months she is very good always happy and laughing. However she will only sleep at night or nap when I hold her or feed her to sleep. Iv tried laying her down she just cries and I can't listen to her like that. She has one bottle of formula at night but only takes 3oz then wants me to feed her. I go back to work in 6 weeks and im desperate to sleep and not have to pick her up everytime she wakes. She is currently on me now. Everytime I put her down she cries and im exhausted I feel like I can't go on like this but can't listen to her cry either. She wont take a dummy either. My hubby keeps telling me to just give formula full time as she has no routine what so ever and he thinks it will be easier. It took me a long time to bf so feel bad giving up especially as I don't know if it would help. Sometimes im up all night putting her down she crys when put down she I keep doing it. Then hubby gets in at 6.30 am and has to have her coz like him iv been up all night. I feel like I need super nanny to come and stay with me and talk me through why to do, I'm starting to get stressed, hubby and I have no time for us anymore there's no intimacy as im too tired and cant be bothered then he gets the hump. We then row about what's best to do. We have tried giving bath then bottle she will sleep for a hr iffy we are lucky then up till you lay her down. People don't actually realise what I mean till they see it then say oh she really is bad. I just feel shit sorry but I do and I can't sugar coat it. I love my baby so so so much but I can't hold her 247.

 

[YorksLass]

Aww, I'm sorry to hear her sleep is still bad. Rowan's still up for feeds twice a night, but can soothe herself without me feeding fairly well. It's hard to know what to suggest - you're not for a cry method, are you? With R, I just keep a very strict bedtime routine, and her last feed isn't the last thing I do, she has the feed downstairs and then she has kisses from dad, then I take her up, sing her the same tune every night before I put her down. Sometimes she grizzles, but goes to sleep quickly.
To get to that stage, I had to leave her a minute to cry at first, counting the seconds outside her room, then go back, kiss and say goodnight, then count 2 minutes, repeat adding a minute each time. It took about a week for her to just settle after 1 or 2 mins, but she's fine with it now.
Does she use a dummy, or would that be something you would try? Might soothe her for sleep if she's just comfort sucking on the boob. Worked well for R, and we are just in the process of weaning her off it (as we have to replace it a few times when it falls out!) - we've exchanged it for cuddling her bunny as she falls asleep, which is actually working well now after some setback with dummy withdrawal!
Does she have a comforter or soft toy she could hold in bed?
I'm sorry I don't have any more constructive suggestions! There's folk on here with much more experience who might have more ideas! Hope things get better - were you seeing a sleep specialist? Was that any use? X

 

[YorksLass]

Was going to add, I don't think swapping to formula would solve the problem, really, she probably is sucking to sleep, not to feed, as that's what she needs to soothe.

 

[Rooster30]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that you are having a tough time. When you are sleep deprived it is quite normal for you start feeling stressed and for things to get strained between you and your OH. I have been there and suffered the same sleepless nights. It's horrible.

I'll say exactly what my HV told me at the time - routine is key and sticking with it and making sure you OH also sticks with it. Figure out a bedtime routine. Ours did not involve a bath as my son hated it as a baby, but we made the house dark, made everything calm, put him in sleep grow, read a story, gave milk and then put him in his cot, gave a kiss and said night night and leave. Then he'd scream, and scream and cry and scream. Our HV told us to leave him for five minutes, go back don't pick him up but try and settle him (but I always had to pick up to calm him), and then leave again for five minutes and back and forth until settled, maybe spreading out the time of going in if baby is calming. I couldn't cope much with the crying either and there were times when I went into the garden just so I didn't have to hear it. However, it worked after a week. My son has been very very good at sleeping since about 12 months of age now and he still has daytime naps simply because it is routine.

Good luck. If that doesn't work then hopefully other people will have some good suggestions for you.

 

[YorksLass]

You've probably read all this already, but babycentre has a thing on various methods, which I found helpful... http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1027930/sleep-training

 

[Blueclass]

Thank you all. She has been ill so it's been worse. She ended up sleeping with me last night. She is not eating either only wants breast so I couldn't nap today. I will try one of the methods once hubby comes of nights as I think we really need to do something x

 

[MrsS15]

Most options are really difficult if you don't like to hear her cry. If you can manage her crying a little then just remember she isn't hurt or unwell and remind yourself when you're doing it. This helped me at the time! You aren't a bad mum at all. You're doing your best by her in every way but you need some sleep and sanity back as well as thinking sensibly about how it'll affect you going back to work with this ongoing. My son was exactly the same, would only settle on me at night and would maybe sleep for an hour or 2 at a time then wouldn't settle again till I held him or fed him. By 9 months I'd had enough, I had absolutely no time with my husband and barely any sleep either. I looked into so many gentle self soothing options and the one yorklass suggested was the best. We bathed him, fed him and read him a story in the bedroom with the lamp dimmed. It was really important not to let him fall asleep during a feed as then he wasnt self settling, so feed then do story etc. Once we done this we kissed him and said goodnight and lay him down in his seeping bag. We left him for a minute (which he cried for) then one of us returned for a minute and lay him back down and soothed him for a minute (mummy's here, it's sleepy time etc), then left for 2 minutes then back for 2 minutes etc etc. If they get to 10 you start from scratch but I don't know anyone who's ever got to 10 my son got to 7 minutes the first night, 4 the next, 3 the night after and by the 4th night he didn't even cry. Just talked to himself until he fell asleep. In the end he slept for 6 hour periods and went back to sleep easily after getting his dummy back or a quick feed.

Obviously if you try this do it once she's feeling better or it won't work. If you can I'd also do it with your hubby, you can support and encourage each other as well as summer knowing you're both sticking to it together!

Good luck if you go ahead with it xx

 

[ruby2015]

Really sorry for you and totally sympathise with everything you wrote- gosh it's so hard. I'd say introducing a routine will really help- we do lunch at 12, tea at 5, bath at 6.30 then he's usually asleep by 7.30. I still feed him to sleep as he won't just go down in his cot, but it's not causing huge problems any more (it did for a while!)- he wakes when I transfer hiim but settles back down quickly. It's taken a while to get to that stage- I never wanted to do controlled crying and this just seemed the easiest way to make things vaguely work. He still wakes in the night- will settle back in cot after a cuddle but often I just end up cosleeping. For ages he would wake the instant I put him in the cot and would scream blue murder- I really really struggled. But in the end I just decided I'd cosleep more and not worry so much. Can you do the same? As for OH getting cross / lack of intimacy etc- just keep talking to him about how you feel. It's incredibly hard for us mums- I'm not BF as much now and feel quite down about that stage coming to an end. I'm also incredibly sleep deprived and run down- my OH is making grumpy comments every now and then but I've just chosen to ignore. Going back to work isn't easy either- mentally or physically- look after yourself. We'll all go back to normal eventually so our OHs just have to be patient! If it's easier for you to cosleep just do it- it's only a phase anyway- things can change so quickly. Sending huge hugs xxxx

 

[Rose83]

My little boy was breast fed until 9 months (he is 10 months now). He was feeding every 2-3hours all day and all night - since birth he had done every 1.5 hours for the first 7 months. He was a nightmare to put down but is gradually getting better. One thing that I started doing was when I got him to sleep in my arms I would put him in the cot and quickly whip off my tshirt and put it at his chest so he could smell me. That was the first thing that worked well. Now I'm at the stage where I can put him to sleep on his tummy which is keeping him settled much longer. He has a dummy too. I thought when I switched to formula it would be easier at night but I can't really say it has been, he is so greedy! He is taking 21oz of hungry baby formula between 7.30pm and 11.30pm then still waking for another 5oz at 4am and 6am. And of course it's harder to get up and do a bottle in the middle of the night than it is to shove them on a boob x

 

[Holi]

your not alone sweetheart! Granted my nearly 10month old isn't that bad but still wakes 2x a night for comfort. And I find hat hard so can't imagine how you feel. Now I'm not trying to side with your husband but i personally (just from my own experience and observations) think it's harder to establish a routine while breastfeeding. I think maybe because BF babies tend to have little and often because they BF for comfort as well as hunger, and it's just a vicious cycle. My friends who BF past 6m (I only did 8 weeks) are defo in less of a routine. As soon as the baby gets fussy out comes a boob (for ease, which I totally get!) but think that maybe could lead to hard habits to break (do you find you do this during day?)


BFing for 7 months is amazing, you should be really proud of yourself. If you wish to continue BF then brilliant keep it up but don't keep doing it through guilt. Having said that you could stop and it make no difference? Sorry I'm no help really! Keep going your doing amazing and it will all fall into place! X