This is my first time on a forum like this. I have been looking for someone to understand what I am going through. My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years (married for 2 years on Oct 1) I will be 26 this October and he is 25. I have been on birth control since we got together. We both recently ETS'd from the military and currently rent our home. He wants to wait to have kids for at least 5 years! I will be 31 by then and I am worried I will have problems conceiving. I don't think I can wait that long to have children. It has been on my mind constantly for over a year now. I know everyone says to need to be financially able to raise a child and I understand that. But coming from the military, my husband is now going into Law Enforcement. Part of me worries that maybe a child will be the only I have left of him someday. I think I could wait a year maybe two but not 5! My husband and I have argued over this several times. He says he still wants to be able to go places and buy a new vehicle before having kids or he will never get those experiences. He says it could make him resent our children. But I am afraid that I will come to resent him. Which brings me to the fact that I was just informed that I could have PCOS. My doctor told me that I shouldn't wait 5 years before trying to conceive now. But I can't bring myself to tell my husband that after our latest arguement. What if he won't be ready in time for me to be able to get pregnant? How do I tell him that I may need to get pregnant now if we want kids at all? What should I do?
HELP! Just told I might have PCOS
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Flickalicious
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I can't really offer much help but just agree that TTC can be difficult with PCOS. It took my husband and I 3 years to conceive this one (we're 25 & 26 too) However, on the other hand, our son was conceived at a festival when we wern't trying but not preventing. We caught first cycle of dropping contraceptives! You can never know how long it'll take to catch 
Hopefully your husband will come round sooner rather than later. 5 years is such a lonv time x
Hopefully your husband will come round sooner rather than later. 5 years is such a lonv time x
mylullaby
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I assume you discussed having children before you got married and that it was something that both of you have in your vision of what the future looks like? So the problem is less about IF you ttc and more about WHEN you ttc?
If that's the case, I would start by talking to him (when you're calm, not rowing with him when you're angry/frustrated) about your possible PCOS diagnosis - you could have a medical condition and any normal husband would be concerned about that, would want to know more about it and what it means for you. Talk to him about what the tests are, how they will confirm it, what will happen to you and what impact it could have on you. Is it painful? Is there a cure? How will your symptoms be treated? - you need to be open with him about how it would make you FEEL if they confirmed PCOS too. It's not just about the potential ttc struggles you might face - it's the psychological impact it has when they tell you that you have a medical condition that could have an impact on your ability to conceive. He needs to be there for you.
Having said all that, it's hard to know what to advise where timescales are concerned. One thing that lots of people do is ask their OH to pick an age that would be "ideal" and then work backwards. The average healthy couple takes 1 year to conceive. If you wanted 2 children before you're 30 (just an example) you would need to be pregnant now to have your first by 27 and then allow recovery time from a possible c-section (they recommend 2 years before ttc again) which would put you at 29, with another possible year to conceive no2 taking you to 30, which would put you at around 31 when you have your 2nd child. You might want 3. You might be happy to move your age bracket up to 35. Still worth having a chat about timescales though. You could even work to HIS age first of all (humour him) in the agreement that he does the same exercise against your timeframes.
I think sitting down and talking through a timeline like that (regardless of the outcome of your PCOS tests) will help to put things into perspective for him. Not everyone thinks about these things in advance - I didn't till just before I joined this forum. You could then ask your DH to imagine the 1-year timeframe in the above scenario as 5-years each time. Because I know a couple who ttc for 5 years with their first and another 5 years with their 2nd. Not saying that will be the case with you, but definitely worth considering.
Not sure if that's helped or not?!! Take care xxx
If that's the case, I would start by talking to him (when you're calm, not rowing with him when you're angry/frustrated) about your possible PCOS diagnosis - you could have a medical condition and any normal husband would be concerned about that, would want to know more about it and what it means for you. Talk to him about what the tests are, how they will confirm it, what will happen to you and what impact it could have on you. Is it painful? Is there a cure? How will your symptoms be treated? - you need to be open with him about how it would make you FEEL if they confirmed PCOS too. It's not just about the potential ttc struggles you might face - it's the psychological impact it has when they tell you that you have a medical condition that could have an impact on your ability to conceive. He needs to be there for you.
Having said all that, it's hard to know what to advise where timescales are concerned. One thing that lots of people do is ask their OH to pick an age that would be "ideal" and then work backwards. The average healthy couple takes 1 year to conceive. If you wanted 2 children before you're 30 (just an example) you would need to be pregnant now to have your first by 27 and then allow recovery time from a possible c-section (they recommend 2 years before ttc again) which would put you at 29, with another possible year to conceive no2 taking you to 30, which would put you at around 31 when you have your 2nd child. You might want 3. You might be happy to move your age bracket up to 35. Still worth having a chat about timescales though. You could even work to HIS age first of all (humour him) in the agreement that he does the same exercise against your timeframes.
I think sitting down and talking through a timeline like that (regardless of the outcome of your PCOS tests) will help to put things into perspective for him. Not everyone thinks about these things in advance - I didn't till just before I joined this forum. You could then ask your DH to imagine the 1-year timeframe in the above scenario as 5-years each time. Because I know a couple who ttc for 5 years with their first and another 5 years with their 2nd. Not saying that will be the case with you, but definitely worth considering.
Not sure if that's helped or not?!! Take care xxx
Yes we talked about kids long before we got married and we both agreed that we definitely want them. So the wanting kids has never been an issue just the time frame of doing so. And we both even agreed we would like 2. We don't even care if it is boy/boy boy/girl girl/girl. I feel like I have been ready to TTC for over a year now. I have always wanted to be a mother and I am scared that I will miss out on my chance. On the other hand, I am terrified that if I cannot have children because of PCOS (or any other reason) he will resent me for it. But thank you for the advice mylullaby! I will try to talk to him before I schedule the next doctors appointment.
