im finding everything and anything upsets me right now, first this morning our decorator arrived late (trying to have a fresh start and do all those jobs we havent done before now) and so it will now take him 3 days to do not 2 days. grr,
also had work today and one girl who has been ttc for long long time (litrally years) in my team is pregnant around 7.5months) because of our job role (train driver) we dont normally see preggers people as they get moved onto office duties, she is a wonderful person and has had problems for years and im so happy for her but sitting next to her all day was really really hard also no one in my team knows about this loss though 2 know about last years loss, i always arrange the team cards and collections for special occasions and birthdays etc and they have asked me to arrange her leaving for maternity card to be signed by all and to do collection and get the mothercare voucher for her,(we dont do a congratulations card until after just in case jnxes it) i really dont mind and im sure i will be fine doing it but it did make me feel quite upset inside today when asked though couldnt show it, my manager knows and looked over when they were asking when i wash going to start collecting for her?
also to top it off today was a training day and part of it was a "manual handling course" for which we had to sign a health disclaimer form about lifting and pulling things, first question do you have any health problems? tick no box second question are you pregnant, obviously i had to tick no and it really cut me up inside. the girl on the team who is a close freind who i norm confide in was doubled over in pain and had to go home as she has a urinary tract infection at moment and has been on holiday for past 2 weeks, and i felt very isolated having to put on the brave face.
the lady who i walk her dogs for txt me and asked if any news yet on getting preg as she hasnt seen me in about 3 months and wondered if i was lucky enough to be preg again, (she knows all about last time and is a wonderful person whos eldesst daughter died of cancer a year ago and had a stillborn baby inbetween her other 2 daughters so really understands loss and sadness like no one else i know personally) so ended up ringing her to explain it had happened again she was so sorry and surprised at my bad luck bless her she said to not walk ben and holly until i feel up to it and im always welcome to call for a chat, and i love walking her 2 dogs they are wonderful and so hope to go around again soon but talking about it made me feel even more empty and sad today.
sorry to moan am feelling a little emotional as still heavyish bleeding though intermittent now and just want this ordeal over with. crys im absolutly fine during the day if not a little sad i dont feel upset then in evenings and night i feel really down. i dont know why i can cope better during day prehaps because im occupied and busy working or doing house stuff i dunno, i dont feel depressed just very very deep sadness and empty, and all the preg stuff around me today just made it hard. thanks for listening guys xxx
also had work today and one girl who has been ttc for long long time (litrally years) in my team is pregnant around 7.5months) because of our job role (train driver) we dont normally see preggers people as they get moved onto office duties, she is a wonderful person and has had problems for years and im so happy for her but sitting next to her all day was really really hard also no one in my team knows about this loss though 2 know about last years loss, i always arrange the team cards and collections for special occasions and birthdays etc and they have asked me to arrange her leaving for maternity card to be signed by all and to do collection and get the mothercare voucher for her,(we dont do a congratulations card until after just in case jnxes it) i really dont mind and im sure i will be fine doing it but it did make me feel quite upset inside today when asked though couldnt show it, my manager knows and looked over when they were asking when i wash going to start collecting for her?
also to top it off today was a training day and part of it was a "manual handling course" for which we had to sign a health disclaimer form about lifting and pulling things, first question do you have any health problems? tick no box second question are you pregnant, obviously i had to tick no and it really cut me up inside. the girl on the team who is a close freind who i norm confide in was doubled over in pain and had to go home as she has a urinary tract infection at moment and has been on holiday for past 2 weeks, and i felt very isolated having to put on the brave face.
the lady who i walk her dogs for txt me and asked if any news yet on getting preg as she hasnt seen me in about 3 months and wondered if i was lucky enough to be preg again, (she knows all about last time and is a wonderful person whos eldesst daughter died of cancer a year ago and had a stillborn baby inbetween her other 2 daughters so really understands loss and sadness like no one else i know personally) so ended up ringing her to explain it had happened again she was so sorry and surprised at my bad luck bless her she said to not walk ben and holly until i feel up to it and im always welcome to call for a chat, and i love walking her 2 dogs they are wonderful and so hope to go around again soon but talking about it made me feel even more empty and sad today.
sorry to moan am feelling a little emotional as still heavyish bleeding though intermittent now and just want this ordeal over with.
crys im absolutly fine during the day if not a little sad i dont feel upset then in evenings and night i feel really down. i dont know why i can cope better during day prehaps because im occupied and busy working or doing house stuff i dunno, i dont feel depressed just very very deep sadness and empty, and all the preg stuff around me today just made it hard. thanks for listening guys xxx
Sending so many big hugs your way xxxx
xxxxx
I can't imagine what u are going through with ur losses. I know it is so hard being around pregnant people, 2 of my team are pregnant one is 24 weeks due the day after I would have been so I have seen her bump grow and her sister is now 13 weeks and I have to remain strong in front of them but it is so so hard. Xxx
