Had enough!

[lisey27]

I feel like screaming! this is an awful time, I have had so much pain, passing clots and the emotional drain that this puts on us.
To top it off I have had my manager at work ask a colleague to bbm me to ask if i want a girl (managers daughter) to cover me, I presume with my pay and she wants to know for how long...I cant really predict how long this will take. I have told them previously tht the consultant at the hospital said I should have at least two weeks. There is no consideration to me, my feelings and whats happening. I work with children so I dont want to be around them, in pain and upset. It would be scary for them and hard for me.
I am being made to feel guilty and I know she wants to give my wage to her daughter. I dont get paid during summer holidays so I am of course short for money now so could do with my wages. I'm not even sure she is allowed to do this.
I am considering if I even want to continue to work there. I have seriously had enough!
Sorry for the rant ladies just had to get it out xxx

 

[keepontrying]

Hi Lisey,
I wanted to reply because i can understand how you feel about being around the children right now - I am the manager of a childrens day nursery and whilst i actually find comfort from the kiddies its been a long journey to get to that stage.
Your emotions are quite rightly all over the place right now, but try and bear in mind that your manager may not have been pressurising you here, as you know they will need to meet ratios of staff to children, she may indeed be trying to give you some space to allow you to recover and grieve so you do not feel the pressure to return.
You should be getting sick pay as opposed to yoru wage being given to some one else, im sure if you speak with her and say how financially your struggling she would consider full rate sick pay?
Sorry to hear what your going through right now xxxxxxxxxx

 

[k8_005]

hey no real advice except im sorrry they are treating you this way i always thought women would understand more than men, but actually i found my male managers better than the women who have the n"get on with it " attitude generally, i think if they have never experinaced it then they just cannot understand, i have had to put a few people straight in the past when they have discussed "freinds" who have mc'd who didnt want to go to baby showers and felt that was really selfish of course i went a little ott but i got my point accross!!! (they were quite shocked when i said id been through it myself too!! soon shut em up!)

just sending you big hugs im lucky not to work with children so i can jsut get on with it a bit better but im also lucky to have an understanding manager unfortunatly for me i want to get back into normal work asap and he wants me to take my time and be sure im ok first which is maddening as i dont want more time off to brood i want to be back we agreed im back in today and can discuss my return to work program.

 

[lisey27]

Thanks for the replies ladies.
keepontrying-I know what you mean regarding ratios but we have enough staff without me to cover the ratio. I know what she is like, I have heard what she has said about others etc...I am happy to work with the children, I just dont want them to see me upset as alot of them are attached to me and I think it would be too upsetting for them to see me sad or crying.
k8-I am the same-I do want to get back to normality as soon as possible but I dont even know if I have actually miscarried yet so I have to wait til Friday for my scan. I am so glad you have a lovely and understanding boss, take your time...don't rush-I went in last week when I was bleeding quite heavily and I just broke down. A colleague had to drive me home. xx

 

[k8_005]

Thanks for the replies ladies.
keepontrying-I know what you mean regarding ratios but we have enough staff without me to cover the ratio. I know what she is like, I have heard what she has said about others etc...I am happy to work with the children, I just dont want them to see me upset as alot of them are attached to me and I think it would be too upsetting for them to see me sad or crying.
k8-I am the same-I do want to get back to normality as soon as possible but I dont even know if I have actually miscarried yet so I have to wait til Friday for my scan. I am so glad you have a lovely and understanding boss, take your time...don't rush-I went in last week when I was bleeding quite heavily and I just broke down. A colleague had to drive me home. xx

thanks lisey, its hard isnt it to know when is the right time, i drive trains so my concentration has to be 100% which is obviously his worry, i found last time that while driving because am on my own and have to concentrate on so many other safety things i dont think about the loss so im "in the zone" and it keeps me occupied, i think it varies job to job, and person to person last time i took at least 2weeks to get back to normal driving duties but this time i dont feel the same need for time im not sure why and feel quite guilty about it as while i feel very upset its happened i dont feel the need to keep questioning if i made the right choices, i just want to try and find out why it keeps happening to me. good luck with eveerything with your work i hope your manager trys to be more understanding xxx

 

[lisey27]

Yes, you are right, its totally individual. I dont think you should feel guilty, everybody handles things differently and its ok to feel whatever you feel. I always say everybody grieves differently and nobody should be judged in any way xxx hope you get some answers soon xx

 

[dyscochick]

lisey i can't believe you have to wait til friday for the scan, if you are signed off sick i', sure they can't just give you r job to someone else, they either need someone so they pay for cover, or they don't. It shouldn't be up to you to make that decision either, what rubbish putting you under this much pressure and strain at such an awful time. don't do anything rash but maybe check out your rights on internet. xxxx

 

[lisey27]

lisey i can't believe you have to wait til friday for the scan, if you are signed off sick i', sure they can't just give you r job to someone else, they either need someone so they pay for cover, or they don't. It shouldn't be up to you to make that decision either, what rubbish putting you under this much pressure and strain at such an awful time. don't do anything rash but maybe check out your rights on internet. xxxx

This is exactly what I was thinking, Its not a decision that I should have to make...its so unprofessional. I feel like she is trying to make her daughter benefit from my loss. That sounds terrible but she has got a funny streak. She can be quite mean. I wont make any harsh or rash decisions but I will look at my rights as you have suggested.
You would think that as she is in her fifties and had three children, she would be able to understand the heartache that I am experiencing xx
Hope you're doing ok too xxx

 

[Corrinne37]

Ahh bless you Lisey, Feel for you honey.
I know last time it happened to me I was the manager so in charge of a team and basically was all my responsibility, so I was getting bombarded with questions about where is this and that, and this problem etc. And why do I need two weeks off? And 'what have the doctors told you to do? What have they told me to do? What kind of a blooming question was that? Well they told me to go home and get over it and just get back to work - NOT -what do you think they said. !!
Anyway, its all extra stress that you just dont need. Have you been signed off?
If not then get a letter and send them that and they cant do anything. Your not fir to work and thats it.
I found the docs so good. Today I asked if they could sign me off ,they said yes 2 wks ok. If you need more then just ask. So you could really milk it if you want to.
But just dont let them stress you out, your job is safe, they cant touch you. Just some people are harsh and callous on this life Im afraid.xxxxx

 

[Corrinne37]

Thanks for the replies ladies.
keepontrying-I know what you mean regarding ratios but we have enough staff without me to cover the ratio. I know what she is like, I have heard what she has said about others etc...I am happy to work with the children, I just dont want them to see me upset as alot of them are attached to me and I think it would be too upsetting for them to see me sad or crying.
k8-I am the same-I do want to get back to normality as soon as possible but I dont even know if I have actually miscarried yet so I have to wait til Friday for my scan. I am so glad you have a lovely and understanding boss, take your time...don't rush-I went in last week when I was bleeding quite heavily and I just broke down. A colleague had to drive me home. xx

thanks lisey, its hard isnt it to know when is the right time, i drive trains so my concentration has to be 100% which is obviously his worry, i found last time that while driving because am on my own and have to concentrate on so many other safety things i dont think about the loss so im "in the zone" and it keeps me occupied, i think it varies job to job, and person to person last time i took at least 2weeks to get back to normal driving duties but this time i dont feel the same need for time im not sure why and feel quite guilty about it as while i feel very upset its happened i dont feel the need to keep questioning if i made the right choices, i just want to try and find out why it keeps happening to me. good luck with eveerything with your work i hope your manager trys to be more understanding xxx

Hey K8,
I feel exactly the same as you!
I grieved for so long last time, the same amount of time that I should of been carrying my baby, and only felt I could let go after due date had past. I really felt I just couldnt let go.

This time I cried so much harder for first two days and really felt my pain as I just didnt want it carry on and on.
And like you I just want answers this time.
Dont feel gulity, no doubt you loved your baby so much, even more than the last, your just stronger now.
what doesnt kill you makes you stronger - as I posted on my fb page!!
Good luck hun. xxxx

 

[dyscochick]

Dont feel gulity, no doubt you loved your baby so much, even more than the last, your just stronger now.
what doesnt kill you makes you stronger - as I posted on my fb page!!
Good luck hun. xxxx

wss, well said hun xxx

 

[Corrinne37]

thanks dysco, how you feeling today?x

 

[lisey27]

Ahh bless you Lisey, Feel for you honey.
I know last time it happened to me I was the manager so in charge of a team and basically was all my responsibility, so I was getting bombarded with questions about where is this and that, and this problem etc. And why do I need two weeks off? And 'what have the doctors told you to do? What have they told me to do? What kind of a blooming question was that? Well they told me to go home and get over it and just get back to work - NOT -what do you think they said. !!
Anyway, its all extra stress that you just dont need. Have you been signed off?
If not then get a letter and send them that and they cant do anything. Your not fir to work and thats it.
I found the docs so good. Today I asked if they could sign me off ,they said yes 2 wks ok. If you need more then just ask. So you could really milk it if you want to.
But just dont let them stress you out, your job is safe, they cant touch you. Just some people are harsh and callous on this life Im afraid.xxxxx

That sounds so stressful for you to have to deal with. I'm glad that you have been signed off too.
I have been signed off now for a week and then I can get more if needed so will wait and see how Im feeling at the end of this week.
You are so right, some people are just so harsh and its a big shame as compassion to me is so important xx

 

[Corrinne37]

That was last time for me Lisey, after that I stepped down ad changed jobs and went part time.
I knew I wanted another child and my happiness and family life (and no stress) are more important to me now than money and status!!!
This time my work have been so much more supportive.

Well this is the thing,because we have been through this now, we can be so very compassionate to others who have to go through it to.
Dont feel pressured to go back. I would say you will prob need that 2nd week.
Its better to go back feeling strong, that to still be dealing with it (not that it will completely go of course),but going back to early will only make things worse and if you havent got an understanding boss, if your not 100% she wont understand and its just more pressure.
Just think of you, dont underestimate what a big upheaval and trauma this is for you to go through physically and emotionally.xxx

 

[lisey27]

I am the same, happiness is more important-i left a job last year that was highly stressful and it wasnt good for me and felt i was struggling to cope with other aspects of my life, including my son.
I'm glad that you are out of that situation and that you are surrounded by more supportive people. Its times like these when it really counts.
I think I prob will take the second week, esp as a parent at my work is 7 weeks pregnant (my colleague told me today so I can prepare myself) that means we would be around the exact same time, i will watch her bump grow when mine should have been, see her baby when mine should have been born etc. Does that sound silly? I feel bad for feeling resentful about it xx

 

[Corrinne37]

God the same thing happened to me last time! A girl at the toddler group I go to - we exactly the same stage. It was a constant reminder and broke my heart.
The brith time bein g the most painful and seeing her with her baby. Really hit home.
So no not silly at all!

This timea girl from toddler group is 12 wks so ahead of me, but still be a reminder.
Also we have a new girl not long started at my work, and she has been really tired and passing out there is speculation that she is pregnant! That will be a nightmare! So hope she isnt! As I know i will feel resentful having to work with her all the time! xx

 

[lisey27]

Its hard isnt it. I am usually thrilled when anybody is pregnant as I love babies and I feel awful but I'm glad that its a natural feeling to have xxx

 

[Corrinne37]

You are happy for them, and never want anything to happen,
but its just a twist of the knife in your pain if you are around them and esp if at some stage! Your trying to forget god damn it! xx

 

[dyscochick]

i know what you mean, when I was at home having my mc a work email was sent round from a colleague announcing that his wife was 12 weeks, she'll be due on my due date. I found out later that she's had 2 mc's before. I was sad for me and resentful for a second but let it give me hope that that will be me soon. You girls are still so raw is the worst time to find out this stuff, it does get easier to cope with xxxx

 

[Corrinne37]

Im a therapist and do pregnancy treatments on ladies, I used to soooo love treating pregnant ladies, now esp when at the same stage as me, I found it so hard, just found myself crying at work afterwards.
god I dont want that again!! xx