going it alone

[Tillytots]

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[krystal&jack]

awww hun, have some

there are plenty of men who are raising kids that aren't biologically theirs in the world so no reason why you won't find someone who deserves you and LO.

Your OH sounds like a toss'r. Your better off on your own. Could you not stay with parents or friends for while until you get yourself sorted?

 

[Melly+2]

 

[Becksss]

y is he being a tosser?
was babay unplanned?

 

[trixipaws]

u wont be on ur own 4 eva. lotsa single parents find love again. im sorry it didnt work out tho

 

[Tillytots]

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[Becksss]

my babay was planned with oh 2 but i left him and his violent ways when i was 4 and a half months preg
my lil one is 6 motnhs now and i have done an AMAZING job tbh
ahaha
her father denied she was his over FIVE pound a week
from his benefits but its all good i get it anyway and i have it in writing he denied her
I hate him
He looks like a duck

 

[katyk]

looks like a duck Becsssss, lololool!

Tilly when my OH lost his parents a few years ago, he was a complete tosser for over a year, his own family distanced themselves from him because he was too volatile and extremely hard work. But now he's doing great though he did have professional help. Now all is brill!

Your OH is being immature too.

I hope even if you have some time apart, maybe he will get through his grief and sort his head out and you'll get back together in a few months, or if it's right for the two of you, you and bump will move on to find someone more lovely.

Men can get the fear a bit when they first find out a lady's preg- maybe he'll come round to that part of things in a week or so (my OH didn't get his head round it till about 8 and a half weeks).

You certainly don't need it while you're preg, and we do have funny turns when preg so you should have a sit down whenever you need it.

 

[libs]

you won't be alone forever - I was a single mum from day 1 with Josh (we split up the day before we found out i was pregnant) I had several relationships long and short term before falling head over heels for my DH who has raised Josh as his since he was 5 years old.

So you may be alone for a little while - but not forever

 

[Tillytots]

well it got worse, push came to shove this morning and it end up in a bloody fight he looks worse than I do but I was so worried about bean

he has left, packed his things and gone. I feel so relieved but Im so worried about what happens now. I cant afford to live here alone. Im not going to tell my lettings agency yet as I have paid the rent up until next month and Il speak to council to see if they can help me.

its so quiet in here now.....feels really strange!

 

[reallyoldmum]

Keep strong sweetheart, a man that hits a woman is not a man! What ever the circumstances and you and your baby will be better off on your own.

I was a single mum - had a husband who liked to punch me after a drink or two - but I met my now husband when my children were 10 and 8 and he is more than a dad to them. Believe me there are lots of lovely people out there and you wont be on your own forever - just enjoy this wonderful time with your bean x x x x

 

[Robyn_]

now hes gone, dont let him back basically hes a danger to you and the baby

you are so better off without him hunni, men like that dont deserve a lovely little family, that you want, and you will get it,
im single but im stil getting my little family, me and my baby, its all that matters,
everything will work out,
but hes a tosser and doesnt deserve shit hun

 

[muppetmummy]

Although it hurts at the moment it is so much better that this has happened now, rather than after the baby is born. You now have months ahead of you to prepare and get your life sorted. From how you've described him it sounds as if you will be much better without him.
Go to the council and explain the situation. Is there anyway you can get your ex to write a note saying he's throwing you out? If he does this you will have to be registered as homeless and the council will have to rehome you by law. You might have to go into a b&b for a few days whilst they find you something else but it won't be forever.
I split up with my OH when I was pg the last time and because I managed to get him to write me a note the council put me in a b&b for a week, before finding me a flat.
Loads of women go it alone and are fantastic mothers. Sometimes men are just a hinderence and we're better off without having another kid to look after. I'm sure it will work out for you hun, just try and stay positive and think about your baby. Your ex is missing out big time

 

[Babylicious]

I really feel for you hun, I'm sure you and bump will be just fine without him. He sounds like a total looser and to behave like that is just a joke.

I hope you can get some benefits and stay where you are, or at least get a council house

 

[nikki1306]

oh hunny . You really should go and explain to the letting agents you never know they might accept housing benefit and you will be ok and if not you will then be able to see the council with proof that you have nowhere to live and they will help you. They can't kick you out until your tenancy runs out whether you pay the rent or not hun,they then will have to apply to the courts so you are safe for a while yet. I would go and see the citizens advice and the council to hun,hope you get things sorted soon xx

 

[Squiglet]

its the best thing for us both but I feel so guilty that my baby is going to grow up without a Daddy. At the moment we are renting a house and contract isnt up until December so we are going to have to stay here until then. I doubt the letting agents we rent from will accept housing benefit so Il have to move. Probably be put into bed and breakfast or something just as bad. OH has said he is going to make life hell for me and is threatening to burn all furniture and not give me a penny for baby.

Im so tired and this is really taking it out of me I know me and bump will be ok but it seems like such a mammoth task....I have no-where else to go and I feel I shouldnt lose all my things and possesions.

keep thinking Il be on my own forever as no-one wants to raise someone elses baby. Im prob being stupid....hormonal and upset.

Oh dear.. You shouldn't have to go through all that...

The most important thing you need to do is get your housing situation sorted. For one, register at the housing office for a council flat... Do it now as it can take some time... As you OH has made threats, mention this to the housing office informing them that you need to move out at the latest in December, although you currently fear that your OH will return to hurt you and your unborn child.

What you can do is look for a place that accepts DSS... So you can get out of your current home. If you really want to stay where you are...Ask the housing benefit people, to pay the housing benefit to you and then you can pay it to your landlord, that way they are none the wiser, until you can find somewhere else for your baby and you..

As for your baby having a daddy... there is no good reason why a couple should stay together for the sake of a child. It only does more harm than good... You don't want to bring your child up in that environment. I did, for two 1/2 years before I left, and although my DD was young...she can still remember daddy hurting mummy...

I always believed that no man would ever love my daughter as much as a real father would, and that no man would ever want to raise another mans daughter... but there are men out there that do... I was lucky enough to find one, although I wasn't looking.. My daughter now has a dad, who loves her and cares for her far better than her real father, so it is possible.... On the up side, if you have a child, you know that any man that is wiling to take on that kind of responsibility just to be with you, is a good man... and having a child allows you to weedle out the less desirable men.

At the end of the day, physical fights only escalate... At first it's a push and a shove here, then a slap, then a punch, and before you know it your being beaten everyday... Its not worth it... especially now you have a baby...

Things always have a way of working out for the best no matter how dark everything seems at the moment.

 

[A&J]

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Aww hun i am so sorry your going through this he dont deserve you , your way too good for a guy like that
I hope you can find some housign arrangments hun and remember your doing whats best for you and your child .

 

[Tillytots]

thankyou SO much for all your words and advice.

I feel alot calmer now and have finally stopped panicking! I sorted out my money and I can probably just afford to live here if I get rid of a few things.

OH called to say he was sorry and that he knows he has been completely out of order for months now and is going to get help. He wants to be in baies life and he says he has a few months to sort himself out. I think thats fair enough but only if he really does. he has offered money and now wants to pay for things for baby.

He didnt actually punch me earlier, just picked me up by the throat and threw me on the bed with a small scuffle thrown in so Im ok, no lasting damage.

I really hope he gets himself sorted out. Its so painful to see someone you love turn into someone else like he has. Im just going to enjoy myself now and I can eat all the prawns I like without him moaning about the smeall and watch as much S**t on TV as I like

thanks again girls

lotsa love
xxxx

 

[maria1976]

Just to say that housing benefit is payed directly to you as an an option so your letting agent wont need to know anything. xx