Friend trying to conceive, but I have just found out I'm pregnant.

[Abby Gould]

I just wondered if anyone had any experience with a similar situation.
My partners brothers wife is my best friend. We've been friends for years and years, before they even met, we work together and gym together, I see her almost daily. They started trying for a baby about 3months ago. Out of the blue I have just found out I am 7weeks pregnant. I have now told her although it was a conversation I lost a lot of sleep over as I know how down she has been recently due to not being pregnant yet.
I told her as gently as I could, I said that I understood if she couldn't be around me for a while, if she needed some space but that I was here for her always and loved her so much. Its just gone three months for her since they started and she had just had the disappointment of getting her period when she was sure it was going to be The Month. She cried and left, I've sent messages and tried to talk to her in person yesterday but she just cries as soon as she sees me and then leaves. I don't know what to do, I'm so wracked with guilt that I've hurt her so much. My pregnancy was very much unplanned but we are obviously very happy but I don't even feel I can even bring myself to be happy about it currently, as soon as I think of her I get upset. It makes me feel like I am undeserving of my baby because of how heartbroken it has made someone so important to me. I want to understand and be there for her but I can't even think about my baby right now because of how hurt she is I wondered if anyone had any similar experience or advice. Thankyou in advance.
Abby

 

[SugaryIris]

I have a similar situation, I told my sister I am 8 weeks pregnant this weekend, we have been trying for over 2 years and thought we would need ivf, which she knew. She has been trying for 6 years and had ivf which failed and she can’t afford to do it again.

I also lost a lot of sleep over the conversation, and having been at the other end of a pregnancy announcement as well (my friends conceived whilst I was still trying) I know it can be painful but she will get through it and be happy for you. She has only been trying for 3 months, that is no time at all, it takes a healthy couple with no issues a year to conceive sometimes.

 

[Jezby]

Hi Abby,

not sure you’re post is really in the right forum. This is somewhere for people to support each other going through long term fertility issues....

She’s only been trying for a few months she’d be very lucky to have fallen pregnant by now anyway. Takes young healthy couples 6-12 months

it’s wonderful news, you’ve tried to be a good friend and she should be happy for you. I’ve been trying for 3yrs - imagine how many of my friends have fallen pregnant once twice and even 3x’s. Babies are wonderful news even if it is hard to swallow sometimes

Give her some space and you enjoy your Pregancy- congrats ! x

 

[chattychar1990]

I totally agree with @Jezby.

I have been trying to conceive for 17 months now without a peep of a positive pregnancy test. I have watched friends and acquaintance's fall pregnant around me. Ye i admit it hurts but you get over it. If anything your friend should be happy for you. Would you be happy for your friend if it was the other way round?

The fact that you are even thinking about terminating your baby because your friend is upset is actually quite disturbing and quite insensitive to us ladies on here that have been TTC for a long time.

Personally my opinion, if she i a true friend she will come round and be happy for you. Her time will come and after all she has been trying for 3 MONTHS! That is nothing, she is just at the start of her journey. Like the others have said it can take a healthy couple 6-12 months to fall pregnant, sometimes more if there are unknown issues (like a few of us here).

Enjoy your pregnancy with your OH!

 

[Rainbow1234]

I don’t think your post is in the wrong place but maybe it’s just me, it’s a forum for everyone trying to conceive or through pregnancy and some people don’t have the same issues a lot of us face. They still have a right to post.

I have to agree your friend is being overly sensitive if she’s only been trying 3 months, that is absolutely no time at all. But you’ve been a good friend and if she is struggling I’d just back off for a while and enjoy your pregnancy with other people. She’ll come round eventually x

 

[Lollypop79]

Agree with everything said above. Don’t feel bad ever about becoming pregnant. Enjoy it. You handled the situation correctly and she just needs time. 3 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things if she is a true friend she will come round. X

 

[Countrylife]

I totally agree with @Jezby.

I have been trying to conceive for 17 months now without a peep of a positive pregnancy test. I have watched friends and acquaintance's fall pregnant around me. Ye i admit it hurts but you get over it. If anything your friend should be happy for you. Would you be happy for your friend if it was the other way round?

The fact that you are even thinking about terminating your baby because your friend is upset is actually quite disturbing and quite insensitive to us ladies on here that have been TTC for a long time.

Personally my opinion, if she i a true friend she will come round and be happy for you. Her time will come and after all she has been trying for 3 MONTHS! That is nothing, she is just at the start of her journey. Like the others have said it can take a healthy couple 6-12 months to fall pregnant, sometimes more if there are unknown issues (like a few of us here).

Enjoy your pregnancy with your OH!

I dont think she meant termination at all in her post x

 

[Countrylife]

She will work through her emotions and be okay eventually, and if shes really struggling maybe some counseling could help her.
My best friend has been trying for 3 years, we found out we were pregnant at the same time recently but she ended up having surgery and a tube removed as it was ectopic, and I'm carrying twins completely unplanned. I felt that same guilt when I found out there were two, she asked if I'd consider giving one up to her, broke my heart as I couldn't do that but we are working through things together and shes excited for me while working through her own emotions and getting help.
Things will get better x

 

[chattychar1990]

@Countrylife - she has actually edited her post and rewritten what she first wrote. She did say along the lines of not even wanting the baby hence the reason I wrote what I did.

 

[Countrylife]

@Countrylife - she has actually edited her post and rewritten what she first wrote. She did say along the lines of not even wanting the baby hence the reason I wrote what I did.

Oh sorry for that, my apologies