first baby on the way and mortgage about to default

[eralch]

sds

 

[Lulabell]

I didnt want to read and run but really hope things get sorted. You need to have words with other half. His attitude towards this whole situation is pretty poor and maybe he needs to see how badly it's affecting you sending xx

 

[Piglet10]

first of all, its bricks and mortar! so realistically if you cant manage mortgage long term ur going to lose it anyway!! second of all, give him a kick up the frigging ass!! he is not a bachelor anymore he is a partner and going to be a dad!! make him sell whatever cars he needs to to make his payments, tell him to grow up!!!

oh and welcome xxx

 

[NinjaKitty]

Get him to the Citizens Advice ASAP for advice on the mortgage and his debts. They really helped when my Mum got into financial difficulties. These issues won't go away and he really needs to face them ASAP.

I also agree with the others in that your OH needs to man up and sell the stuff he's not using if he wants to pay his mortgage and keep his house. A big question is, do you want to keep the house or CAN you keep the house. You both need to make a decision on this quickly.

Also it sounds that your finances are not too tied up with his at the moment. You may want to think carefully about getting your finances tied in with his at the moment. His debt is not your debt. If you have money coming in you may have alternatives including renting your own place. I know is difficult and drastic but you have to think about the wellbeing and security of you and your little one first. I'm not saying you break up with him but I am saying that you need to put yourself first right now.

 

[Bee7]

Hi eralch,
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Being pregnant is stressful enough without all of these money worries. I don't really know too much about mortgages etc (at the moment my partner and i both live with out parents and we're planning on moving into rented accommodation a month or two before the baby is due) but i'm pretty sure IF you did lose the house you're you're currently living in you'd be pretty high up on any social housing lists. Have you looked into this with your local council/housing association?
Secondly (and i don't mean to preach) you need to give your OH a kick up the backside. This house is his problem, not yours. His name is on the mortgage, you could move out anytime you wanted. Yet you're trying to help him and he won't budge on selling his possessions. I've had some major problems with my OH regarding debts and money. Hes another one who thinks the answer to everything is a credit card or a loan. I've told him if he doesn't change his ways then i can and will live alone because i don't want to be worrying about his and his finances on top of having a baby to care for. It wouldn't be easy alone but at least i'd know what money i had coming in and could manage it myself without having to rely on someone else. I've got 8 months to assess whether or not hes bucked his ideas up and then i guess i'll make a decision from there.
If i were you i'd contact your local jobcentre or citizens advice for some info on any help you can get. Although its hard you need to try and stay calm and stress free for the sake of your baby. Good luck hun, really hope it all works out for you xx

 

[Sarah13]

Sorry your in such a difficult situation just now, your OH really needs to think about his priorities and selling the bikes and cars though, it's not like they can all be used anyway! Have you talked about selling up and starting afresh together, maybe renting for just now so all the debts can be cleared and your finances are not too tied up? I'd hate to be living in a house belonging to my ex and want that clean break esp with a new partner and baby on the way. This mortgage problem won't just go away even if you manage to raise the cash for a month or two, you really don't need the extra stress it's not good for you and def not good for the baby. Hope you manage to sort something out and feel more positive soon, come on here anytime for a moan or rant that's what it's for, there's always someone who has some good advice!

 

[eralch]

Thanks for your reply's.
The house has been on the market for almost a year and the price has been dropped twice in a month, but estate agents are still saying the price is too high but because he put in new doors and windows he wants to make the money back on them. My family has told him it doesnt work like that.
The othert thing is, we will be going into renting IF the house sells, but it has to be 3 bedrooms or more and must be the same size or bigger then what he has now, because of the amount of crap he owns! i have 1 wardrobe of clothes and chest of draws, my make up box and a few dvds.
Bashing head against brick wall!

 

[Sarah13]

Oh dear, I think it's your OH who really needs to change his mindset! Maybe you need to take a back seat if he's not listening to you just now or even get your own place for now. This is his mess and even though you are trying to help and support him he's not helping himself out. Maybe you getting your own place or threatening it will give him a kick up the backside? Have you been together long? It often takes men a lot longer to grow up, we become mothers when we get the BFP they don't tend to start being a father until baby arrives, he might change his attitude more then as men suddenly want to provide for their baby.

 

[BevG]

i'd go live with mum and dad or rent myself a flat til he sorts himself out, no way would i get into debt for someone else, especially with that attitude. maybe it would make him see that he needs to sort it out if u moved out. not split up with him, just refuse to move in and share his life totally til his life isnt a big pile of debt!

 

[Bee7]

The thing is, if hes got all of these debts and credit cards its going to impact majorly on your monthly outgoings. Surely he has minimum monthly payments etc? The first thing i've asked my OH to do is clear his debts so that when baby comes we won't have any extra monthly outgoings - pretty sure rent/bills/food/cars/baby stuff will keep our wages occupied enough.
As the other girls have said, you definitely need to think about YOUR finances and don't take on HIS debt as your own. Maybe for now it would be worth you moving back in with family (if thats an option for you) so you can save as much money as possible ready for baby and get some time away from this stressful situation. It doesn't mean you have to split up with your partner, just get some breathing space. Maybe thats what he needs to persuade him to part with some of his belongings in order to support you.

Good luck xxxxx

 

[Iriki]

Oh my goodness, you poor thing, what a stressful situation to be in. I think the other ladies have given some really good advice.
1. Keep your finances totally separate from his.
2. Get him into CAB or the bank for some straight talking about his financial situation, things will just go from bad to worse once little one arrives if he doesn't sort it now.
3. Do NOT sell ANY of your property, it's not your debt.
4. Seriously think about moving in with your parents (with or without him) as you really don't need these sort of pressures while pregnant or with a young baby.

I hate to say it but if he's not willing to even try to resolve his financial situation by any means possible at this dire stage, ie, by selling anything and everything he can get his hands on to ensure that you're not stressed and that baby has the best start to life it can possibly have, then I have to wonder whether he has the emotional or intellectual maturity to be a good father /role model? Sorry to be so harsh
he seems to be taking the ostrich approach and either waiting for someone else to miraculously appear and bail him out or for it all to go away, not what you need at the moment.

if it was me, if he refused to do the responsible thing and sell everything to get back on the straight and narrow, I'd walk. he's a financial time bomb and it's about to explode, and he doesn't appear to have the slightest interest in defusing it. bottom line is it's not your responsibility. it's not your debt, and if he won't sort it, it doesn't bode well for your future. He's the father of your child and you both have an obligation to provide security for that child, and all he's bringing to the table is a mountain of debt and uncertainty and no apparent inclination to resolve it.

I hope he can do the decent thing and resolve things, for all your sakes.

I know money isn't everything but unfortunately, it does make the world go round and bringing baby up on love alone really just isn't an option.

 

[BabyBrain]

If he defaults on a mortgage in the councils eyes he will have made himself homeless and not necessarily entitled to social housing. When repossessed houses are sold or auctioned they very rarely make enough money to cover debts and mortgage arrears anyway and money will still be owing.
Personally I would pack up and leave, if you bail him out with your wages once he'll expect it again and again and you'll do it cos you love him, but to be honest you need to love yourself and your baby more and think about securing a future. I can fully see why his family have refused to help him, I would too, he needs to take a long hard look at whether he thinks material things are really the most important part of his life or not.
Go home to your mum and try to de-stress, enjoy your pregnancy and see what happens.
Good luck xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Hunnie]

I really think like the others have mentioned that your partner really needs to pull his finger out and realise his priorities in life right now!

Me and my partner both live separately at the moment due to me previously living with him at his mothers but having to move out during the early weeks as I couldn't cope with the smells! As a way of us being able to raise enough money to afford a deposit to secure a decent enough house for us to get a mortgage on, he had to sell his car which was his pride and joy but he realises that it was completely for the best and I think your partner needs to have a serious think about what truly means more to him! Flesh and blood or some hunks of metal?

I also agree with the others about considering moving into your parents as a temporary thing till you both sort yourselves out. It may also help him to realise what he will be missing if he doesnt get his head into father mode and start thinking about you and the baby as you not being around all the time will give him chance to really see what life would be like without you always being there! If this is the route you follow then I would advice that you make it perfectly clear to him why you are moving in with your parents and that you want to still be very much together as a couple (if thats of course what you want) but that the situation is a temporary thing until all finances are sorted.
When I originally moved out of my partner's mother's house he completely took it the wrong way and felt that the reason I had left was because I couldn't cope with being around him and that I didnt want to be around him which was the complete opposite of what I actually felt. The overall reason was because I couldnt cope with the room sprays that his mother kept plugging in everywhere!!! lol. We just had to have a sit down and talk about why we werent living together anymore and the routes around it to resolve the situation. Once I moved back in at home my stress levels went down and I felt I could fully relax which Im sure has done both me and the baby the world of good! I too think you would benefit from this but Ill add as well that I too experienced a lot of mood changes during the early weeks of pregnancy like you seem to be doing and would get quite hysterical at anything that worried me! Try to calm down and think it all through properly without getting worked up, I found simply writing it all down in a list and writing notes by the bullet points as to what other alternatives I had helped me to feel less trapped and be able to see light at the end of the tunnel.

xxx

 

[nik106]

I really wish i could offer some advice other than what the girls have already said! I can understand why he wouldn't want to sell his cars/bikes IF he was using them because i just had to sell my Type R and i was absolutely gutted and heartbroken!!! I don't know much about cars and bikes, but the Type R is beautiful car and i'm pretty sure from my limited knowledge that the bikes are too. But he needs to grow up! I had an '06 plate, and i didn't get a lot for it, because it wasn't in the best condition (i'm short, i couldn't see out of it) but it would cover a couple of months of payments. I do really understand why he wouldn't want to get rid of it, but at the end of the day, sometimes other things are way more important.. keeping your home is one of them.

Oh how i wish i had the money to put in an offer on it, i'd do it in a heartbeat!

 

[Lilelephant]

I agree with everything. Everyone has already said! Your OH needs to accept the financial trouble he is in, sounds like he is in denial! X

 

[jomc]

You poor thing... I cant offer any more advice that what the girls above have already said. Really hope it all works out for you xxx