Finding out the baby's gender: pros and cons

[AllieW]

OK, I know this is a long way off, but just thought I'd canvas people's views about this.

I'm kind of undecided about whether I want to find out or not. I like the idea of finding out in some ways, as it's an extra way to bond with your baby and means that you can settle on one set of name choices. (I'm not really fussed about the clothes issue as I'm not really convinced by the whole 'you must dress a girl in pink' thing anyway, plus I have loads of clothes for both genders put by already. Nor the nursery painting thing as I plan for the baby to have a cot in our room until he/she is 1 year old.)

But, on the other hand, women have bonded with their babies for thousands of years without knowing gender. Heck, without any scans whatsoever. And there is something wonderful about having a surprise and hearing the 'It's a girl/boy' announcement.

So, if you've come to a decision about whether or not to find out, what are your reasons? Is there anything else I could/should be considering in making this decision? My husband doesn't care one way or the other.

 

[NIE]

Hi there,

I was very unsure myself on this subject.

I have a gender scan in 2 weeks time. (18 weeks)

We only get 1 scan at 12 weeks where I live, so I wanted to have the reassurance of a second scan like the rest of you mums 2 b. It is going to cost us £79 at babybond for this scan but it is worth it for peace of mind, as they check the general wellbeing of baby too.

I wanted to find out the sex as I am impatient and the sort of person that wants to be as organised as possible, but did hum and haw for a few weeks to make sure I was doing the right thing.

It is a personal thing between you and you OH. My hubby wasn't bothered either at first, now he is just as excited as me to find out.

Let us know what you decide. xxx

 

[fothers]

I haven't decided yet either. OH is more keen than me to find out but we haven't made up our mind either way.

 

[rachie29]

also havent decided OH wants to know but i dont think i do...

 

[AllieW]

I suppose the other thing which concerns me is that I've heard that they can only be about 70% accurate. What if they get it wrong? Potentially, I could be all geared up for Arthur and find myself with Imogen! (I have heard that some people have had that experience although usually a boy instead of a girl.)

 

[youngmumtobe20]

hmm me n OH are in slight disagreement about this, i want to know, but he doesnt. I would like to have the surprise but i really have to be organised, get all i can b4 so i can relax when he/she arrives and i'd like to do the blue or pink thing, its cute. but if he really doesnt wana know i'll have to respect his decision

 

[Nicola]

I wanted to know and had an early private scan with Baby Bond.
They showed me in great detail the little boy parts - very certain it was a boy. This was re-confirmed by the NHS at 21 weeks (my 20 week scan). I wanted to know as I've waited so long to get pregnant, desperate to know, wanted to plan the nursery and clothing more appropriatley. DH wasn't fussed about knowing but I was so desperate we went and found out. I know I'd love either so equally but am so delighted were having a son, I think once your baby starts moving and kicking you'll bond with him or her anyway - the little movements, then they get into a routine of sleeping/waking and you'll know which is which once the movements become strong enough - I think despite knowing names/colours etc I'd have bonded with my little baby just purely with the movements and flutters etc he does - look at it this way you'll have a surprise at the scan or a surprise at the birth, one just comes sooner than the other that's all.

As for scan accuracy, if they really are not sure they won't tell you. You can ask for a 2nd opinion though and someone else will come and see what they think. Sadly if baby is in a bad position and they can't tell you you'd need to go for a private scan to find out. Usually though they can show you the gender bits in details though, gender becomes apparent from 12 weeks onwards (visable via eye not necessarily scans unless it's 3 or 4D scans) so by the 20/21 week scan it's usually a pretty certain bet now a days.

 

[weenik]

I knew I wouldn't want to find out - for me it adds to the excitement and I'm really looking forward to the surprise when s/he is born. If things go to plan I'm going to look for myself to see what's between the legs rather than someone telling me it's a boy/girl. I love thinking about it and I get really excited about the extra surprise.
Whatever you decide will be right for you x

 

[sophie-jordan]

i found out with both the girls and i would like 2 find out this time, but i dont think im going 2 as i would like 4 it 2 be a suprise 2 me aswell as every1 else!
good luck hun
x sophie x

 

[Squiglet]

I wasn't allowed to know the gender of my daughter while I was pregnant. The hospital had very strict policies over this which they told me was because I might want to abort the baby if it was not the correct gender...(as if!!!!).

Having the choice taken away from you is very fustrating. You don't know what your having, you can't prepare for it. People constantly ask you if your having a boy or girl, when you say you don't know, you get a half hour lecture on how they would want to know what they were having...Yes me too, but I am not allowed!!!.

I think knowing the gender also goes a long way to bonding with the baby, instead of calling it "IT" all the time. My ex desperately wanted a boy and when my daughter popped out, he got all miserable and depressed in the labour room, going on about how disappointed he was. If he had known months in advance, it might have given him time to adapt to the fact it was a girl, morn the loss of having a son.

This time I am finding out. It's my right to know. I want to know. I want to prepare and get names sorted and answer people's questions and be able to say our son or our daughter instead of referring to the life inside me as "IT", because "IT" deserves more.

 

[mandspice]

I think we're going to find out, as, like you say above, it's nice to give the baby an identity and not call her/him "IT" for longer than you have to. But I can understand how exciting the element of surprise must be too

 

[cleocat]

i wasnt offerd the option with my first 3 (12 year gap) so this time I wanted to know but OH didnt, but as it turns out we will find out, because my 2 boys have a bleeding disorder it will be best to know either way so if it is a boy they can be more prepared/carefull at the birth

 

[ella]

I want a surprise, I dont mind either way, but im going to refer to my baby as he instead of it, but think not knowing will keep me going in the latter stages. I think everyone is different, I might change my mind yet.

 

[leckershell]

We didn't find out, and we even had a 4d scan and asked them not to tell us! I originally wanted to know, but OH didn't so I respected that.

I think the pros are being able to get the right colour clothes, right type of toys, and decorate the nursery in the appropriate way.

I have come round to the idea of a surprise though, apparently it makes the pushing and pain feel more worthwhile when you know there's a surprise waiting for you at the end.

We've chosen names for both a boy and a girl, though are still not set on the names until we actually see the baby and see what it suits best, not just what names we like best. We've got presents and clothes in neutral colours - whites and creams and I think for a really little one this is better than just having straight out blue or pink, makes for some variation! People get more imaginative with present ideas too as they can't buy clothes!

We've thought all along that it's a boy so we call him he, and have some boy type things. I think it's ok though for a girl to wear jeans (with a girl top on or a dress on the top), whereas it's not really right for a boy to wear pink frilly dresses! So we erred on the boy side just to be safe

 

[Vicki & Nathan]

i didnt find out until i was 32 weeks. i had been umming and ahhing about it for a while and wasnt sure what to do. OH didnt want to know but there was a part of me that wanted to.anyway in the end i decided to go for it but OH said to keep it to myself. my main reason was just being impatient and just wanted to know what it was.

 

[KJLorraine]

I am going to find out this time

I have 2 boys already so we are really hoping for a girl this time. Also I got rid of all my boy stuff so whatever is I have to start from scratch. It will be good to be prepared.

 

[kellysomer]

I hated the idea of finding out but gave in when i had my 20 week scan, i knew she was a boy, i was utterly convinced!! The sonographer said she was 100% sure if we wanted to know. we changed our minds and said to tell us and she was a she!!!!!


I think for me it was a complete and utter waste of time finding out as i didnt beleive them anyway, i even said to pass me my baby boy when she was born. I didnt buy a single pink thing and was adamant that she was a he.

I think part of this was due to the fact that i soooooo wanted a girl first and thought if i convinced myself she was a boy then i would be pleasantly suprised rather than vice versa. I know its a terrible thing to say but i really wanted a girl.

I really would like another girl next time too but if its a boy i know that will be lovely too. I hate my strong want for girls but dont undersatnd why? Weird !

For me the whole idea of finding out was pointless as we didnt prepare a thing, and next time i wouldnt find out.

I think there are both many pros and cons. Its nice to have the choice tho.

 

[Squiglet]

I have a terrible want for little girls, but it is because my sister died when I was 4 and I think in someway, I am desperate to replace that loss even though I know I can't and have thoroughly come to terms with the loss.

I too was convinced I was having a boy as was everyone else, from the cravings to the way I carried her, so I was secretly thrilled when she came out female. I would love to have another girl, but again I am pretty convinced that this time it is a boy, but as long as it is healthy and doesn't inherit my sister's genetic disease I will be happy. !!!

 

[Robyn_]

at first i was like you, i didnt want to know what sex the baby was i want a surpise, then as i got furrther in i wanted to start buying stuff and thinking of names, i wanted to be prepared shall i say.. and Dave.. wanted to know.
no offence i didnt really want a girl, but ofc i would have been happy with whatever i got, but i felt if i knew at 20 weeks and i was having a girl i could then get used to having a girl. and by the time i have her i would be happy. but if i had of waited for a surprise really wanting a boy and a little girl popped out i would have been disapointed.
and i didnt want that with my baby.. so thats really the main reason i found out.

settled my mind alot more.


but if you totally dont mind what your going to have.. then dont find out cos the surprise would be nice..
i just needed to know

 

[kellysomer]

Robyn, i completely get the whole preparing yourself thing , i was the same but in reverse!!! I completely understand where you were coming from and still fell bad about it.

Luckily for you , you got your boy and i got my girl!!!!

I think mine stemmed fom having a step son who stays with us, it was always the boys and me. I wanted alittle girl to spoil and share girly interests with.... im just hoping she will love horses then my husband has 2 against 1 for getting a pony!!!