Feeling very sad :(

[beth3735]

I dont know where to start or if any of this will make any sense lol

When I had Joe I did everything I could do to avoid PND, I had it after both my girls, but I honestly feel like I havent after Joe. But something isnt right.

I think my weight is a major factor. But im one to complain but have no will power to do anything about it. Today I tried to eat a pear for brekkie, a 3 calorie Jelly and then plain pasta for tea, but I feel like I want to pig out on the kids crap too.

Also I have this horrible guilt that will be with me for years to come I think. When my 2nd DD was born, I didnt like her, Didnt really want her How bad is that. She was planned and everything, but my mind took over my heart. Teagan is a very pretty happy little 3 yr old girl now and I do honestly love her to bits. But sometimes I hug her and wish I bonded earlier. I have missed a huge chunk of her life already. I remember everything to the date with Alex (1st DD ) But with teagan I cant remember nothing, I hardly have any pictures of Teagan on her own either I now feel very guilty and very upset that i ever felt that about her, I did have counselling which I felt got me over my PND.

Im not really sure what i feel at the mo, just very sad Will the guilt ever go?

This is my pretty little Teagan who I feel so guilty over

 

[lauramumof2]

you dont sound depressed hun, a bit run down maybe.
The guilt definately goes. You love her now dont you? There are loads of mums out there that feel that after birth, some are over whelmed by love and some are just overwhelmed. I didnt have that with my first but I felt resentful towards my second. I dont now though, I love him the same as I love my first.

As for your breakfast, a pear is not a breakfast, thats a snack. You need a big bowl of weetabix to get your insides working for the day and get your 2 litres of water down you (across the day, haha, not first thing).

Join a slimming club if you feel it would help but set realistic goals.
Your stomach must have been thinking WTF, whats this with the pear.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

I can understand how you feel, i struggled with ds and am still racked with guilt about a lot of things like i didnt really get on with him and misse out on a lot with him. Though things are better now.
You really do sound run down and tired and you need to put your feet up.

I understand how you feel with your weight too, im 17 stone and currently losing its not coming off quick enough. I lknow your busy being a mum of 3, join a online slimming club and join us in fat fighters threa when your ready. Its good to have support off peopel who you have a common goal with.

 

[beth3735]

I really hope it isnt depression. I have felt like I have done really well after having Joseph. I just hate these days that everything builds up and I end up in tears mainly about Teagan.

I do love Teagan as much as all my babies. They all have their own little personalities and each are funny in their own way. My main upset is missing out on so much with her already and not being able to get any of it back. I know I have to just look forward now really.

With the weight issue. I have lack of support from DH, I lost 2lb last week and instead of my hubby saying well done its a loss, He honestly says oh its just a poo!! Like how supportive is he! He did apologise seeing how angry i was at that comment. So i do this silly starve myself for 2 or 3 days then by the end of it my body gets angry and then i binge eat lol.

I think I just need to vent a little as I have no one i can talk to without them thinking its serious like last time

 

[trixipaws]

i dont know what to say sweetie im so sorry u feel like this. i think it could be PND it might not be the same as it was last time (bonding, etc) but from what different women on here who have it hav said it has different symptoms in each cases. i would speak to ur HV or GP.

and u dont need to tell us "i do love teagan as much as my other babies". we know you do hun! thats the guilt that makes u feel u need to say that, u dont need to feel guilty that u were ill, being ill was not ur fault. sounds like u havent properly gotten over it and still need more help/councelling/etc from the last time.

i dont kno if i can give good advice really as iv never had PND, but i can imagine how u must feel

edit: forgot to add, she is beautiful, by the way!