Feeling Low

[SarahH]

Hi girls,

Sorry for coming on here to have a moan but I am feeling so low just now...

I can't stop crying and thinking of my Mum (she passed away 4 1/2yrs ago due to cancer). It's just with Arianna being here, I wish she could she her..... Arianna is my double, and I was my Mum's double so I just sit and see my Mum in her.

And then with Christmas coming up.... my mother in-law is permanatly on the phone saying what she is getting for Arianna - I just wish my Mum was here fussing the same!

And then to top things off I had an argument with my best friend last night on the phone - just me being stupid. She is away on holiday today with her Mum for a week and I just got all jealous and stupid.... now they have left and I can't get in contact to appologise. I know she'll understand as she has been with me through everything in my life - we've been best friends since we were 6yrs!!
I just feel so awful about it.... especially since her own Mum has been unwell recently and thats why they are going away now as they never got away earlier in the year.

And then.... (sorry it's a long post!) I have to get my mamogram on Tuesday - I have to get them every year due to my mum being diagnosed quiet young with cancer.

My sister in-law has Arianna this Sat night as we have an Xmas function to go to, but to be honest I just want to cuddle my little girl on the sofa all night!

S. xx

 

[Becks&Riley]

Aww sorry your feeling so low

 

[alschafr]

sorry everything is up in the air at the moment, its easy enough for me to say it but its good that arriana has the looks of her grandma as it will be a constant reminder. she will be with you at christmas!

 

[Em78]

aw hun it must be tough this time of year anyway let alone when you have your little girl and want to share her with your mum.

if it helps at all i am a firm beleiver that those we love never leave us and that your mum is watching you and Arianna. i bet she is as proud as can be of you now you are a mummy.

i know nothing we say can make this better, its something you need to go through i guess. do you ever talk to your mum? i know it sounds funny but it helps me if i'm sad thinking about someone i've lost i just talk out loud or in my head to them and tell them all about alex and what he's up to. it makes me feel like they are still apart of my life if i share things with them.

try to enjoy yourself on saturday - it might do you good to glam up and have a night out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[mum2A&L]

 

[kirlykird]

Awww poor thing

I know what you mean though, my mum passed away 14 years ago from cancer and I still miss her every day and I would love her to have met my lo's, she would have so loved them, I am like you the double of my mum and I'm proud to be!

Think sometimes the reason why my mil does my head in so much is because I'm jealous as I want my mum back.

You'll always miss her, we all have our down days and our triggers for them.

Mine tend to be smaller things now rather than the obvious.

Big Big hugs for you

 

[sarah113]

sorry your feeling low hun

 

[SarahH]

thanks all.

thats it exactly kirlykird. I'm jealous of everyone that still has their Mum.... and I HATE being like this as I'm not the jealous tyoe at all. I've always been so happy with what I've got.

I dream about her practically every night but it's never happy dreams.... it starts off all happy and then ends with me sitting next to her in bed like I was when she died.
I cared for my Mum full time from when I left school at 16 to when she died when I was 18 - she first got diagnosed on my 13th birthday. And my Mum told me loads of stuff in that time - stuff that nobody else knows. I miss her so much, me and my Dad dont get on at all... and he's slowly turning the rest of my family - 2bros and 1 sis (all older) against me.... and it's not in my head! They have said some really mean stuff, hence why me and my husband are planning on moving to the states next year to be with his family and for me to get away - it really is that bad.

S. xx

 

[Urchin]

Awww Sarah sorry you're feeling so down.

Have you thought about counselling? I don't mean it like you are wrong to feel this way but maybe a counsellor could talk to you about your mom and it might help you to move on a bit and start to feel happier.

 

[SarahH]

I did try councilling when my Mum first passed on and to be honest it didn't really help... I just sat there and felt akward telling this stranger all my thoughts.

I'll prob be fine once xmas is passed... I'm the same every year around xmas and new year.

I'm a bit happier today as my friend sent me a txt while on hols to say it's ok and we'll have a proper chat when she gets home.

I've decided I am going to go glam it up tonight as Em78 said, maybe I just need a night out to relax.

Thanks ladies again,
S. xx

 

[Em78]

did you have a good time Sarah? hope you danced the night away hun!



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[LucyBee]

Poor you. I can't imagine what it must be like to not have your Mum there.


Glad you heard from your friend and hoping you feel even better tomorrow.

Lucyx

 

[kirlykird]

hope you're feeling a little better

 

[SarahH]

Thanks girls.... I did enjoy Sat night.

I went to my Mum's grave on Sat afternoon and sat there for about an hour just crying and talking.

Thanks for all your wishes, I do feel much better now.

S. xx

 

[Keely]

Sorry \i missed this post sweety, I am glad u are feeling a bit better

xxxx