feeling dreadful and this is a rant

[Serendipity]

hi all, this is my first post and i am sorry to unload this way but i think i am going out of my mind. 17 weeks prgnant so a big part of me is deliriously happy. used to smoke (secretly before), but then was getting help from a lady at the midwife's. which was great until last week.
i fell off the wagon, and i am so disappointed in myself, but dont know what to do. thing is i am having problems in my marriage. well thats not new, but then again, i think my husband is turnng more and more to the darker side.

been tryn for baby since we got married 2 years ago. when we were dating during the wedding preparations, was when i first started to notice all the meaness. however, so much had been spent and prepared, my dear mother managed to convince me that i was the wedding preparation stress, then we got married and the first week was nice, nt blissful, just nice, he didnt shout or throw tantrums, then we went on our honeymoon and one of the days he wanted me to stand at the edge of a massive lake and i was frighthened as i cant swim, so he could take photos and because i didnt he stalked off and left me in the middle of nowhere with no money and no clue as to where i was, i called and called but he didnt pick up his phone, i walked an hour and half trying to locate the train station. and eventually found it. he didnt apologise, said i saw him walking of why didnt i go after him.
any way in august last year, he slapped me 2 twice, i moved out, he begged and i moved back in after a week, he beat the living day light out of me 10 days later, the neighbours heard and called the cops, was too ashamed to tell anyone, as my family was against me movin back in the week before.

he beat me again in april, when i was already confirmed pregnant.

thing is now he has a job in birmingham, so i'm alone all week, now when he is angry, he leaves me stranded without money and no commuication and then lays accusations. i am so frustrated and tired, he doesnt want me to talk to my folks. the most frustrating thing is me smoking again. i am just so tired............

 

[NickyB]

Poor you, firstly

I think the smoking is the least of your issues. I don't know what to say, but it doesn't sound like the best environment to bringing a baby into.

I can't say I'd ever forgive him for hitting you

 

[LisaJ1986]

I couldn't forgive him either.
My older sister just binned her partner of several years. She has 3 kids with him. The bit that bothers me is the kids picking up on how bad their relationship is. He slapped her about til she called the police. Then a few days later she walked in on her 4 year old punching and kicking her 1 year old to the ground. He was proper giving him a good slap!

But bless you.

 

[Jade&Evie]

PLEASE LEAVE.

I've been through this before- PM me please.

Don't leave it til it's too late for you or your baby. If I didn't get out when I did my ex would have killed me- I have no doubt about it.

 

[Serendipity]

i know. really, cos unforunately thats the sort of environment he grew up in, and i know that having kids, no matter what they pick up on it, either they grow up hitting pple abt, or worse still as serial killers.

i dont know that i forgive him, i know he is dangerous and vindictive, however, there are like so many tings to think abt. i am meant to be starting my pgce training in sept, thats if e agrees to pay my fees, and i would want to give my baby the best. i'm not working now, so obviously. i'm at his beck and call. if i walked out now, i wuld have absolutely nowhere to go, my family is all back in africa. my mum's offered to pay my fees, but they already paid for my masters, £15,000 for tuition and accomodation, i feel i should be giving them something back now, not taking from them. my life is such a mess

 

[NickyB]

Don't stay with someone for a roof/money or support, you will always find someone willing to do that, without hurting or endangering you in the process.

 

[Serendipity]

i know, but where would i go, what would i do? i know i need to do a lot of thinking. guess it helps to have someone to talk to

 

[LisaJ1986]

Try your local council, or women's refuge. They should be able to house you somewhere! You aren't safe and your baby is your priority so you will get help! You need to think of your health and safety. Sounds like other girls on here will give you better advice than me.

 

[Babylicious]

I'd have to leave - I was in the same situation as you a couple of years ago and I built up the courage to go and it was the best thing I did

 

[Jade&Evie]

i know, but where would i go, what would i do? i know i need to do a lot of thinking. guess it helps to have someone to talk to

where is your baby going to go if he kicks you death one day? what are you going to do if he turns his hand on your babyand hits just a little bit too hard?

I don't know what there is to think about. Dosmestic Violence is one thing this country needs to sort out.

Get out, report him and move on.

You don't need anything but a safe environment to bring up a baby. Education will always be there.

 

[Melly+2]

Get out now!!! Dont make excuses just do it, find a refuge for yourself and do it quick, ive been through violence, chicked kicked, had my hands trapped in doors, larger cans in the side of my face, dont put your baby at risk, get out now, you dont deserve this!!!

 

[Tadpole]

Please leave him hun. You don't need to stay with someone for a roof or support. He sounds like a nasty piece of work and you should be safe both for yourself and you baby. I have added the link for women's aid. they will be able to give you advice. Also, please contact your council as many have a domestic violence unit attached who will be able to help with getting you rehomed.

good luck and let us know how you get on.
xxx


http://www.womensaid.org.uk/