Feeling down hearted already

[MrsTLC]

I don't really know where to begin, I just feel a bit deflated before even attempting TTC, sometimes I just feel like everything is against us. To explain a little further; both myself and the d/h have had or have a few medical conditions which have caused us to sit in the wtt bracket a little longer than we would like, but as I am still waiting to speak to my spinal surgeon about the implications of carrying a child, we have little choice. We both have chronic back conditions (that's how we met actually, in hospital) in which we are medicated for (something I intend to chat to the surgeon about as a) the medications are unsuitable during pregnancy and b) I want to know if there are any alternatives I could take should we manage to conceive, however trying to get an appointment with him is like trying to arrange lunch with the queen and its getting to me on a rather large scale.
There is also an issue with my d/h's medication as it prevents him from reaching climax. The bd itself isn't an issue at all, but unfortunately, ejaculation is. I'm hoping that we will have this sorted soon with careful planning around fertile days (TCOYF is my bible currently) and going cold turkey on his meds for 3 days leading up to my peak day (this has done the trick recently and allowed him to ejaculate), but obviously timing is crucial with making sure we are both med free in time with the fertile days.
To include an added complication, there is a large age gap between us and although I'm in the prime of my fertility, he isn't, he's mid 50s (two children from previous marriage).
I suffered a m/c a few years ago after ntnp for 5 years with a previous partner so now I'm also concerned that I may have something going on but all bloods, ultrasounds are normal and until we actually start TTC the gp is reluctant to run a battery of tests as it could have quite easily been my ex having an issue... We have been told that if unsuccessful after 4 months of trying on the FAM with no success, a referral will happen.
We are very much madly in love and desperate to start a family together but I can't help but feel so deflated already that we won't be successful, surely we should be feeling excited rather than dread at the prospects of failure before we even begin.

I'm sorry for such a miserable post, but I just feel like I need to get it out there. I understand that others are going through so much more, but the "woe is me" side of me feels like our situation is incomparable..... Probably also fuelled by mood swings from this bloomin Nexplanon

Please convince me that I'm just hormonal and that our dream of having a family together is not coming to an end.

 

[LikeJohnnYoko]

I can empathise massively. I have various illnesses including chronic permanent pain for which I have to take various medication that I cannot take within pregnancy. On top of this I have PCOS, with very irregular periods (this time last year I was going a year between AF!) although that is improving a bit.

We have been WTT since 2011, looking at 2015 before we move into TTC, it feels so, so impossible a lot of the time, especially with the complications from my PCOS - we have had many "oops" moments and yet never once fallen pregnant so that feels like a pretty bad sign to me.

I can't wait to be a Mum, my Husband is a bit older than me (not as large a gap as yours) no previous kids and is very much ready to become a dad. I just want this waiting phase to be over already.

 

[MrsTLC]

I know this sounds awful but I am really relieved someone else is going through similar, we've just felt so alone
In this and as silly as it sounds, i probably feel it more than d/h as he already knows what its like to have children. Ita just so frustrating.

 

[LikeJohnnYoko]

I know this sounds awful but I am really relieved someone else is going through similar, we've just felt so alone
In this and as silly as it sounds, i probably feel it more than d/h as he already knows what its like to have children. Ita just so frustrating.

The worst thing people have been saying to me (quite frequently) is "You're young, you have plenty of time."

They don't understand how fast the time goes and how slowly things with my health change. If your average woman has a 28 week cycle, they're looking at 12, maybe even 13 chances a year to fall pregnant. If you consider how that still doesn't frequently work out for people it looks overwhelmingly against the odds for people like me who don't have regular cycles.

Every time I hear "you have plenty of time" "you don't need to think about it now" it hurts so much, because I want this now, I don't have a lot of time and I just think "why should I be having to wait? Other people don't, people who haven't thought having children through as much as we have."

It's isolating and insulting, you get the side-eye from people and you wonder whether they're thinking "Is her hubby just not "up to the job?"" "they've been married for almost 2 years now and no kids, trouble in paradise?" etc.

Waiting to try is a very personal, private hurt, most people aren't interested in talking about it with me, but will talk about their journeys with TTC and pregnancy. My position is not acknowledged.

 

[Cazza]

LJY - I spent many many years putting off TTC because of medication and treatment of my Lupus..........I understand how you feel hun x

 

[MrsTLC]

Well, I've had an appointment for the spinal consultant come through for April 30th!!! That was quick, it's normally a 10 week wait!

 

[MrsTLC]

I know this sounds awful but I am really relieved someone else is going through similar, we've just felt so alone
In this and as silly as it sounds, i probably feel it more than d/h as he already knows what its like to have children. Ita just so frustrating.

The worst thing people have been saying to me (quite frequently) is "You're young, you have plenty of time."

They don't understand how fast the time goes and how slowly things with my health change. If your average woman has a 28 week cycle, they're looking at 12, maybe even 13 chances a year to fall pregnant. If you consider how that still doesn't frequently work out for people it looks overwhelmingly against the odds for people like me who don't have regular cycles.

Every time I hear "you have plenty of time" "you don't need to think about it now" it hurts so much, because I want this now, I don't have a lot of time and I just think "why should I be having to wait? Other people don't, people who haven't thought having children through as much as we have."

It's isolating and insulting, you get the side-eye from people and you wonder whether they're thinking "Is her hubby just not "up to the job?"" "they've been married for almost 2 years now and no kids, trouble in paradise?" etc.

Waiting to try is a very personal, private hurt, most people aren't interested in talking about it with me, but will talk about their journeys with TTC and pregnancy. My position is not acknowledged.

I know what you mean about the "youre still young" comment... I may be young (I'm 23) but my partner isn't... He's 55 and we want to have children whilst he's still young enough to enjoy them. Not only that, but with his medication issues and his age, it may take us a couple of years to conceive, so we want to try as soon as possible.... Unfortunately, we haven't got time to hang around waiting for people's verdicts.

I am feeling a little better about it all today but there is still the cloud hanging over our heads

 

[LikeJohnnYoko]

Well, I've had an appointment for the spinal consultant come through for April 30th!!! That was quick, it's normally a 10 week wait!

That's excellent - 9 more days until you go

I know this sounds awful but I am really relieved someone else is going through similar, we've just felt so alone
In this and as silly as it sounds, i probably feel it more than d/h as he already knows what its like to have children. Ita just so frustrating.

The worst thing people have been saying to me (quite frequently) is "You're young, you have plenty of time."

They don't understand how fast the time goes and how slowly things with my health change. If your average woman has a 28 week cycle, they're looking at 12, maybe even 13 chances a year to fall pregnant. If you consider how that still doesn't frequently work out for people it looks overwhelmingly against the odds for people like me who don't have regular cycles.

Every time I hear "you have plenty of time" "you don't need to think about it now" it hurts so much, because I want this now, I don't have a lot of time and I just think "why should I be having to wait? Other people don't, people who haven't thought having children through as much as we have."

It's isolating and insulting, you get the side-eye from people and you wonder whether they're thinking "Is her hubby just not "up to the job?"" "they've been married for almost 2 years now and no kids, trouble in paradise?" etc.

Waiting to try is a very personal, private hurt, most people aren't interested in talking about it with me, but will talk about their journeys with TTC and pregnancy. My position is not acknowledged.

I know what you mean about the "youre still young" comment... I may be young (I'm 23) but my partner isn't... He's 55 and we want to have children whilst he's still young enough to enjoy them. Not only that, but with his medication issues and his age, it may take us a couple of years to conceive, so we want to try as soon as possible.... Unfortunately, we haven't got time to hang around waiting for people's verdicts.

I am feeling a little better about it all today but there is still the cloud hanging over our heads

I'm 25 (got married at 23) but people don't understand what I explained above; that y'know you don't have that chance to fall pregnant every single day of the year etc.

Glad you're feeling better about it today, sweetie I am putting it out of my head and working on sorting stuff out and trying to focus on enjoying the time we have now instead of wishing it away x

 

[MrsTLC]

Well, off to see the spinal people today. Fx. POAS yesterday as I normally have an xray as routine (and haven't bled at all since the Nexplanon was put in, so wanted to double check.... Wave of disappointment even though it would be a miracle baby to get past the implant