explaining death

[trixipaws]

question for mums with older kids really...

i kno its a long way off (LO not even born yet! but with 5 weeks to go, getting excited and thinking about stuff like this)- but i kno one day my child will ask me "am i going to die?" or maybe one of our cats will die and i'll hav some explaining to do. i remember when i found out everyone (including me!) dies i was frightened and cried for ages!

i'm not religious (nor is my boyfriend) but think its a bit bleak to tell a small child (our opinion of) the harsh truth- when we die thats it!
i guess i could say heaven exists but leave religious conotations out, is that what most people do? my parents told me there was heaven and god and stuff until i was maybe 10 or 11, since then they'v admitted that they were never religious and dont believe in any of it either. i guess they must hav said it to make us feel more secure? is that generally the kindest thing to do?

 

[Tangerinedream]

my mum was talking to me about this the other day because my grandad passed away and i was talking to her about how they told the smaller granchildren. She told me what she said to me when i was 4 years old when a family friend passed away.

she told me that when people get poorly they go to hospital and the doctors try hard to make them better. most of the time they get better and come home but sometimes they are so poorly even the doctors cant make them well and they dont come home. she said i jst accepted it.

My nan said the family told the younger children that grandad was so ill that he went to sleep and now he is in heaven with God. To be honest i wouldnt say that to my kids, the kids are really angry with god now and want their grandad back. Also they have told this to 2 of the eldest 'younger grandchilden' who are 10 and 9. I think its an insult to their intellegence to be honest because its not like the families are normally religeous.

I suppose everybody has their own prefferences and viewpionts though

 

[alschafr]

We just say to ella they are a star watching down on her (she is 2 1/2)Then at night she says goodnight to her special stars

 

[claire81]

My kids are 5 and 4 and the 5 year old is obsessed with death. My best friend, my kids "aunt" was only 25 when she was murdered last year by a 16 year old. One of the hardest things i had to do was sit them down and tell them that she had gone to heaven. Of course they had heard rumours about a "nasty man" doing things to her, but at the minute all they know is that she banged her head really bad and was too poorly to live.
Ive also had to explain the deaths of my sisters 2 premature babies, i told them they were born too soon. My 5 year old is very intelligent, infact when we put the crib up she asked but what if OUR baby dies Its heart breaking. All i have said is that our baby is now at a stage where it can be born fine now so not to worry. She asks a lot of questions about death and doesn't seem sad about it and doesn't seem affraid.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

We just say to ella they are a star watching down on her (she is 2 1/2)Then at night she says goodnight to her special stars

Thats a lovely way to potray it, it removes the religious factor if you are not religious but still makes it seem very special

 

[MissGobby]

i think my brother understands but when his nan died a few years ago (he would have only been about 5-6 i think ) and my mum told him she had gone up into the sky and the brightest star was her - he still remembers to this day and said ' nans looking mum look!!' the other day when he saw a bright star - i think its a lovely way of explaining to them.

 

[Sherry]

When My Grandma died Josh was 3. He had heard me on the phone to my Dad talking about Baba ( gran in Polish ) being poorly in hospital and me crying.

When she passed away it was so hard knowing what to tell him. In the end I put it that Baba is now an Angel with her big white wings, sitting on her fluffy cloud and is watching over us to keep us safe. Even now nearly 4 years on, he still talks about her and that she is keeping a close eye on us. It was the best way I could have done it without scaring him. He knows about death now and that it can be the young or the old that go.
I have also since explained there are either nasty people that cause it or people are just to poorly to get well. He has taken it all in his stride and comes to me with questions when they need answering.
Sherry xx

 

[Miracle babe]

We've always told our daughter that people go to live on Angel Terrace. We are Christian's though so there is a strong sense of belief in heaven its just a case of making it understandable.