Enough is enough!!!!

[futuremum]

today is my first day off motherhood. I am on holiday and thomas is in nursery as i am paying for it. So i thought i was going to clean the place from top to bottom. I started it fine but my OH, who is not working has spent his whole time so far on his pc upstairs. He has not asked if i wanted any help or even thought that would be a nice time to spend some quality time together, nope he does not care, cannot give 2 monkeys about me anyway, i am used to that. i know i should leave him but hey I am a stupid girl, he is a great dad to thomas so i do not want to leave him for this main reason.

Anyway, because we are financially broke ( all the debts are in my name as i am the only one working and i cannot get any help because of my wage)and that he keeps saying i am in the shit not him, i am going to apply for an evening job on top of my full time teaching job. my english not being very good, i have asked him that when he had a minute if he could check my letter and his answer is " i have not got a minute". i could so slap him. I AM trying everything to feed him, pay for his fags, everything to give us an ok life and i have no recognition not even a bit of help towards it!!!!

Well enough is enough, i was going to clean up, he can p*** off!!! I am going to stop here and enjoy myself now, have a rest. i feel so used by him and he cannot give a s*** about how i feel.

sorry for the moan just need to get it out. no need to reply either i know what you are going to say

 

[weestar21]

(((((((((((( big hugs )))))))))))

tell him to get up off his arse and get a job to help you out, why should you have to work 2 jobs or have i read that wrong and he does work too?

sorry if im mistaken just ignore me

 

[Vicky]

aww i'm so sorry hunny (((BIG HUGS)))), why can't he get off his arse and get a job too.

 

[emilia]

Futuremum... I follow your posts and understand where you're coming from. You're doing such an amazing job and you're absolutely brilliant with Thomas.

But you know what... dispite the fact that your OH is a great daddy, he also has a responsibility towards you. I know you said in a previous post that he was disabled. Is he completely unable to work? You also said before that he can't claim disability... why not? Surely he can't help that he's disabled?

You live once and you want to enjoy your little boy so much before hes leaves home one day. You're entitled to have a wonderful life. Thomas will never be worse off if you left your partner. In fact, I believe he'll be better off, because as they grow up, they sense the negative feelings around them and that's far more worrying for them.

Futuremum... I want to fly over there and come and give you a big hug. But you're doing the right thing.... sod the housework!!
You're OH is a lucky bloke, but until he can contribute financially or with housekeeping, he will continue to brow-beat you to feel small and unimportant! He needs a kick up the "you know what"!!! He's had a too good by the sound of things!

Sorry to go on - I know you didn't really want replies, but I feel for you and wish it was something that could be made better instantly!
You hold the key to a happy life!

Emilia xx

 

[futuremum]

Well he cannot work, which is not a problem for me but what is is him not helping like today. he did get downstairs for a while to stay with me but still it is always on his terms. He also looked at my letter

 

[Lauz_1601]

I would refuse to buy his fags! ask him to help you more around the house, you cannot be expected to have a fulltime day job and a evening job and clean the hosue and be a mummy! its too much hun.

 

[Jo]

Sorry Futuremum that post has just made me so damn cross it takes 2 ppl to make a baby and is only fair you both share responsibilties equally, I know you said he is disabled and of course i don't know how so, is it impossible for him to look after Thomas for you? or clean the house?
really honey why should you have to do everything on your day off!!!!

I would go to citizens advice to talk about your debts( i bet he happily spent the money even though in your name)

You need to set him straight , it's really not fair and you will soon be heading for a breakdown then what???

You have all my love with you and thinking of you

Sorry to go on and i hope i haven't in anyway upset you x

 

[futuremum]

thanks for your replies girls. i know i should not post things like that when i have no intention of leaving my oh but because i do not know many people and i do not know anybody i can trust, this site is my only way of expressing my feelings.

I do not think he means any harm but he is just extremely selfish and cannot understand anybody else feelings. Sometimes he will really help and be lovely but most of the time he is ignorant and i have to nag to get anything done.

I think deep down he does not want to show me any feelings towards anything and talking to him is like talking to a wall. which is a shame because there will be one day when i say enough is enough and deep down i do not want this to happen. but there is only so much a person can take...

 

[Keely]

I would refuse to buy his fags! ask him to help you more around the house, you cannot be expected to have a fulltime day job and a evening job and clean the hosue and be a mummy! its too much hun.

Too right stop buying his fags he will soon work then!!! he shouldnt be smoking anyway with a little boy in the house!!

hope you are feeling a bit better now xxx

 

[beanie]

(((hugs))) hun. Whilst I understand that he is a great dad to TRhomas, Thomas also needs his mum to be happy and relaxed which you won't be if your husband does not start taking on more responsibilities. You are already working 2 jobs, doing the housework and looking after them both, he needs to grow a pair and start taking care of his responsibilities. Providing for a child does not just mean financially, he should also ,make a happy family environment for Thomas. You know that we are here to listen, rant at any time.

 

[tracyM]

We were heading down the same road about 8 years ago. I was heading for a nervous breakdown. Being a dad is also about being a role model. Most kids have a rough idea what they want to do when they grow up, Daniel was aiming to find a wife that would do everything for him, then he could play on the play station all day.