e-mailing his ex!!!!

[krystal&jack]

Ok so I know I'm probably over reacting a little which is why I'm posting here rather than ripping his head off right now...

Before me and OH got together we were really good friends and dicussed loads. I knew that while he was at UNI he had a 3 year relationship with this girl, she was love of his life and he was always hung up over her

Since we got together this hasn't bothered me until now, he got an a/c on facebook and she was added as one of his friends which i didn't think i minded.. well now i do

She sent an e-mail congratulating him on Jack (pics are on there) and asking how he was, he replied saying her baby was cute too (1 month older than Jack) He then replied again last night (i know this cos I checked his a/c ) I was asking him if he had sent more than the one message to her and he said' no babe, only that one yesterday ' what a liar... now I know that the 2nd message was completely innocent and I guess I'm p'd off cos they were joking about saying they wouldn't have kids when they were together and reminising (sp?) but also i'm annoyed at why he feels need to lie to me, makes me not trust him

I know he loves me but cos i know she was love of his life i feel like i can't compete, even though i know there is nothing going on a just feel soooo insecure

what should i do (keep out of his e-mails i know, lol)

 

[Nic'n'Keeley]

Only cos she was the love of he's life doesn't mean anythin... they broke up for a reason and also he chose to have a baby with you somethin he didn't with the love of he's life

Both of them have moved on he's got you and a gorgeous baby and she has a baby too

I would try not to worry

 

[krystal&jack]

thanks nic.. i know i need to breathe deeply and forget about it.. i just feel so upset I could cry think its prob hormones all over place. I just don't see why he had to lie if everything innocent, makes me think that although his message was innocent maybe in his head he was thinking about her and how much he loved her and so cos to him it wasn't all that innocent he lied.. if that makes sense.

God i think i'm a paranoid freak

 

[Nic'n'Keeley]

If you think it wil bother you for a while i would speak to him about it as it wil only eat you up inside ... i'm sure it was completey innocent tho

Your not a paranoid freak

 

[krystal&jack]

i'll probably just speak to him tomorrow about it I don't like speaking about things when I'm upset cos I end up losing my temper and shouting and then crying and then apologising

If I leave it till tomorrow I'll probably be able to discuss it in an adult way and not like a 12 yr old

thanks again

 

[reallyoldmum]

Why do men do this? Not the fact he emailed her - just that when you asked him he said no!! My husband is a bugger for doing it - when I challenge him he says its because he doesnt want me to give him a hard time!!! So lies thinking I wont find him out and then when I do he's always really defensive and sorry - I have to say though I have got to the point where I sort of understand him, I know he loves me and would rather be with me than without so I try not to check things like emails or his phone or anything .........

I am sure that your OH loves you to bits - look at your beautiful son - he will be thinking you are the most amazing thing in the world at the moment - I'm sure he only said no for a quiet life, as you said it was an innocent email - just catching up - so please try not to worry he sounds like a "good one". x x x x x

 

[Nic'n'Keeley]

i'll probably just speak to him tomorrow about it I don't like speaking about things when I'm upset cos I end up losing my temper and shouting and then crying and then apologising

If I leave it till tomorrow I'll probably be able to discuss it in an adult way and not like a 12 yr old

thanks again [/quote]

Hope it all goes well

 

[trixipaws]

he probably only lied coz he didnt wanna upset u or make u para. it sounds very innocent, and i think u kno that really. try not 2 stress, i really do think he was just trying not 2 hurt ur feelings.

 

[Nic'n'Keeley]

Did you speak to him?
How did it go?

 

[krystal&jack]

hiya nic,

yes I spoke to him, I explained that I do trust him and I know the content of the message was innocent but him hiding the fact he'd set her 2nd one had made me paranoid, he apologised and said he just thought I'd go mad if he said he'd sent her another mail and that there was nothing in it.

We've agreed that it's ok to send her mail now and again ( he has done for years now and I don't feel as though I should make him change that ) but in future he has to be completely honest with me. I feel ok about that.

I didn't say all of that quite as calm as it looks there, lol, at one point got myself so worked up i thought I was gonna have a panic attack.

I'm not so good at getting my feelings out in open without becoming some emotional wreck

Thanks for asking, very sweet of you

 

[Nic'n'Keeley]

Awww Glad things are ok

 

[reallyoldmum]

Bless you - he sounds like a typical man - will say the thing he thinks will give him the quietest life ........ I am absolutely sure that there is nothing in him emailing her - just after he had done it and you asked he didnt want to get a hard time! When will they realise it isnt what they've done its the lying that makes us go balistic!!

It does make me smile that they are all the same - dont go beating yourself up about getting emotional - we all do it .....

 

[krystal&jack]

Bless you - he sounds like a typical man - will say the thing he thinks will give him the quietest life ........ I am absolutely sure that there is nothing in him emailing her - just after he had done it and you asked he didnt want to get a hard time! When will they realise it isnt what they've done its the lying that makes us go balistic!!

It does make me smile that they are all the same - dont go beating yourself up about getting emotional - we all do it .....

Your right.. he is a bloody typical man lol, I'm gonna have to teach Jack some lessons for when he grows up!