ds 1st night no dummy no swaddle

[LISAMJS]

DS has had a dummy and been swaddled since he was 8 wo. He is now 21 wo. He was bathed and put in a sleeping bag with no dummy. He is playing with the mobile on the side of the cot. Am going to post what happens on here.any support appreciated

 

[LISAMJS]

well so far he has been crying on and off (mostly on) I am checking on him every 10 mins - does anyone know with cc can I pick him up? I picked him up a min ago cuddled him and said go to sleep - he was then a bit sick on me.

 

[Sherlock]

I'd really resist picking him up and cuddling him if you can help it. Give him a chance to see if he'll settle on his own with the mobile playing. If he fusses then go in to him but keep the lights down, don't make eye contact or speak too much and just gently try stroking his head to soothe him. Be patient and see how it goes. Of course if you feel you want to pick him up and cuddle him then do so, but be aware that while it may help in the short term in the long term it might not. I'm not a fan of CC proper and devised my own way to help my son settle and he's brilliant at going to bed awake and settling himself. Been doing that since 6 weeks so know that not following CC worked for us (but I did resist cuddling LO). Also started very young so that may make a difference also.

If you pick him up and cuddle him he'll start to realise that crying = cuddles. He's close to that age where that sort of awareness starts to kick in. If you can have him settle himself from the off then it'd be great

 

[LISAMJS]

well am checking him every 15 mins. He is still crying but not screaming which is good. I have picked him up a few times as he keeps making his way up the top of the cot. I was going to pick him up and sit on the chair in his room for 10 mins hugging him but after reading sherlocks post am not too sure it is a good idea. I tried doing this cc last night and ended up in tears. I am so deternied to do this tonight as he needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. I have written down a list of times to check on him and am ticking them off on my sheet.

 

[LISAMJS]

just gone quiet - now I am getting paranoid. Will turn baby monitor up - oh it is ok he was just having a break however he does keep going quiet oh how I hope this is it and he is asleep!!!

 

[LISAMJS]

well just turned monitor up and can hear him snoring. hopefully he will stay asleep!

 

[LISAMJS]

oh dear awake and crying again!!!

 

[aramintalovegrove]

hope it all goes ok for you

 

[sarah2807]

I ditched the dummy this week and now we are dummy free!!!!
She has always been pretty good at sleeping without a dummy at night but I could never imagine it happening in the day (she is a bad daytime sleeper) However...she got a really bad cold and couldn't breath properly with her dummy in so it just sort of happened! I had a hard week and did have to leave her to cry for a bit (which I know some people on here will dissapprove of ) I resisited picking her up...just kept popping in and shhhhing her and patting her..maybe every 10 mins but the crying got less each time and now she just whinges for less than 5 mins.

I think if you persevere you'll get there. I figured that teaching her to get to sleep on her own is a good thing and was worth it.

 

[Sherlock]

I ditched the dummy this week and now we are dummy free!!!!
She has always been pretty good at sleeping without a dummy at night but I could never imagine it happening in the day (she is a bad daytime sleeper) However...she got a really bad cold and couldn't breath properly with her dummy in so it just sort of happened! I had a hard week and did have to leave her to cry for a bit (which I know some people on here will dissapprove of ) I resisited picking her up...just kept popping in and shhhhing her and patting her..maybe every 10 mins but the crying got less each time and now she just whinges for less than 5 mins.

I think if you persevere you'll get there. I figured that teaching her to get to sleep on her own is a good thing and was worth it.

Good news about the dummy

It was perseverance worked for us with Galen. He's great at going to bed and has been for ages. And we did it without CC or any major upset.

 

[Sherlock]

Why does he have to learn to fall asleep on his own? They do it themselves eventually anyway. xx

I just think sometimes baby settling to sleep can take so long and be a hard thing. I certainly needed the break at the end of the day (and during daytime naps) I only started getting Galen to settle himself because of my health problems. They meant I could not sit or lie for extended periods and cuddle him or lie next to him. I had to be able to put him in his basket and leave him. If I didn't I'd wet myself and have to change all my clothes and suffer the indignity and upset of incontinence more than I already was. Had I waited for him to start to settle himself I may still be waiting or have a baby who does not sleep well at night which means I have to be near by. Luckily for me Galen was happy to settle on his own pretty quickly and it was a life saver for me.

Like you not a fan of CC but I found a happy medium for us

 

[sarah2807]

I had a hard week and did have to leave her to cry for a bit (which I know some people on here will dissapprove of ) .

I wouldnt say I dissaprove as such ..ok CC and CIO methods are certainly not for me and recent study suggests possible negitive effects mentally however I just dont see the reason why people feel they should need to settle themselves so young when they get there themselves eventually anyway. Im a firm believer babies do things for themselves we just need to guide occasionally. I guess Im just a huge fan of babyled be it food sleep toilet everything xx

I didn't leave her crying for ages or anything and I'd hate for people to think I have mentally damaged my daughter...

i really do feel that now she has learned to settle herself she is a happier baby...before she learned to do it she was a nightmare to get to sleep anyway and has always cried (even with the dummy and been rocked!!) She has always found it hard to get to sleep so whatever I did meant crying....now things are 100x better for both of us.

 

[CoreysMummy]

No baby ever cried them selfs to death. DS learnt to self settle at around 12 weeks, I gave him those 3 months of undivided attention, cuddles to sleep and anything he wanted any time he got. I could not carry on like that, so we settled into a routine and bed time etc, and things have been rosie since.

But some things work for some and some things work for others. I have to be honest I admire Midna's parenting... its like something that I would love to be and do, but never could. Id love to sleep with DS and cuddle him all the time, but id go crazy!!

Keep going hun. I used CC with Corey and hes fine, learnt VERY quickly. But do try not to pick her up if you can help it. Your doing a cracking job

 

[purple13]

i completely understand why sherlock had to use techniques to settle galen and i think she had extenuating circumstances but i'm kinda with midna on this one and don't really understand why so many people get worked up about babies settling themselves.

the creator of controlled crying didn't intend its use on babies younger than 18 months (not that i personally think it should ever be used) and there are so many psychology reports on the emotional difficulties it can cause children in later life. i'm with dr sears on all of this i'm afraid.

i won't leave connor crying for even a minute. if he's crying, he's crying for a reason - even if its just because he wants to be held. he's a baby - he cries to communicate with me - i'm not going to ignore that communication just because society (for some reason unbeknown to me) holds such great store in babies settling themselves and sleeping through the night.

connor still feeds to sleep when i'm around, but happily goes to sleep with his dad or grandparents if i'm not. he did it in his own time, just as he decided on bedtime at 4 months old, just as he decides what and when he wants to eat, and just as he'll decide when he's developmentally ready for everything that's still to come.

 

[Sherlock]

i completely understand why sherlock had to use techniques to settle galen and i think she had extenuating circumstances but i'm kinda with midna on this one and don't really understand why so many people get worked up about babies settling themselves.

the creator of controlled crying didn't intend its use on babies younger than 18 months (not that i personally think it should ever be used) and there are so many psychology reports on the emotional difficulties it can cause children in later life. i'm with dr sears on all of this i'm afraid.

i won't leave connor crying for even a minute. if he's crying, he's crying for a reason - even if its just because he wants to be held. he's a baby - he cries to communicate with me - i'm not going to ignore that communication just because society (for some reason unbeknown to me) holds such great store in babies settling themselves and sleeping through the night.

connor still feeds to sleep when i'm around, but happily goes to sleep with his dad or grandparents if i'm not. he did it in his own time, just as he decided on bedtime at 4 months old, just as he decides what and when he wants to eat, and just as he'll decide when he's developmentally ready for everything that's still to come.

I have to admit I struggled with the whole settling thing. I didn't plan or want to do it. I had strong ideas on how I wanted to parent and what path I hoped we would follow I felt guilty about not being able to cuddle him for extended periods. Same as I was upset I could not use a sling or carrier with him those first few months. When I did hold him I would end up in tears from the pain I was in and also the incontinence would of course happen. I was heartbroken in those early weeks. Plus the 2 hour mammoth breast feeds and well, you know where I ended up I spent so many hours sat holding Galen through the night or having him next to me but the reailty for me was the moment I moved I'd wet myself. Going the route I went saved my sanity and also I think helped Galen to be more settled as I think I communicated my upset and pain to him during feeds and time holding him.

When I decided to try to encourage him to settle without me holding him I avoided the CC route of course and spent a long time sitting with him, stroking his head, talking quietly and other things. In the end, seeing him now he loves his cot, feels secure and apart from a couple of nights he has always been happy to go to sleep. Often he will fall asleep on my boob anyways before bed and I just lift him gently into his cot. If other people ask advice for how to try to help their baby settle on their own I post to explain what worked for me. I don't expect it to work for everyone (or even anyone tbh as each baby is different) but if someone really wants to try some of the things we did I like to think its not a harsh way of going about things and that baby isn't left to cry. I never left Galen to cry, I'd just give him a minute or two to settle or not. I can tell from his cry if its the 'tired and just letting you know before I fall asleep' cry. I also recognise all the other things he does now to indicate he is tired. That he sleeps well most of the time overnight is a bonus. He does wake most nights at around 4am and is wide awake around 6am. The one thing he did decide for himself was he actual bedtime. He would go at around 8pm most nights once past 14 weeks and when the clocks went back for some reason it never affected him and he was ready for bed around 7pm then. And he never takes long to fall asleep so I take that as a good indication that he is content and ready for bed.

I can understand both sides of the fence on this one. I think like you and midna I'd go with the baby leading the way approach but realise its not for everyone. I think modern living has altered how we see these simple things and how we handle them. If we have another baby I have already had to accept that chances are I'll suffer the same problem over again and I'll more than likely have to do a similar thing as I did with Galen. I'd like to think I could be more baby led in that respect but I doubt I'll get the chance. However this time I won't beat myself up about it as I did in Galens' first few months. But having worked hard to get Galen to settle I have to say I am, months later happy with what we did.

Oooerrr what a ramble Anyways, nice to write it all down as it helped clear a few things up in my mind

 

[LISAMJS]

Well looks like people have different opinions on this one but tbh things have worked out well for me and ds is a happy and chilled out baby now. I know my baby better than anyone else and what works for one person may not work for someone else. When you get to the point when you are not sleeping more than an hour at a time and can't concentrate and when it starts to affect your day to day life that is when you have a problem. DS can now settle himself and cries less now. SO all in all things are good.

 

[Mildly]

Interesting thread, thanks for posting I will be trying to wean my LO off swaddling and a dummy in due course. Both can stay for the moment but I'm aware he'll get too big at some stage. How did the second night go? Did patting and soothing help calm your LO's cries? Glad your LO is happier for you teaching him to self settle