Drama, drama, drama!!

[lozzajohn1]

Hi All,

Recently joined the forum and i'm looking for a bit of advise/kick up the backside! Apologies for the rant.

My family (and in-laws) are driving me nuts. i'm just under half-way through my first pregnancy and everyone is claiming a piece of bubs and talking about where we are going to be next Christmas???!! Christmas hasn't even happened this year yet!!

I feel like they are all backing me further into a corner and I am just about ready to lash out, which I cant imagine is healthy for bubs. I want to tell them we want our first xmas as a family at home. I dont want to deny grandparents seeing there grandchild on christmas day so will suggest they are welcome if they want to come.

I have two weeks off over xmas and two of these days I will have at home - I will be all over the country trying to keep everyone happy in between. But I know that mum & MIL still wont be happy that we will only see them once over the holidays.

My mum is very volatile at the best of times and seem to fear her and constantly seek her approval. I am not confrontational in the slightest which doesn't help but i reckon I do need to grow a pair of bollocks to be even the slightest bit happy/stress free. MIL is lovely but chooses not to listen to things she doesn't want to hear - so I may as well talk to a wall.

Again, sorry for the rant. It would just be good to get an outsiders perspective!

 

[clairem1980]

Sounds like a familiar tale every year we end up rushing around to keep everyone else happy and DH and I end up with one day - maybe 2 - to ourselves over Christmas and new year.
My mum wants all of the family together at the sane time but now we all have partners and kids that's 13 people - no way we could all sit up for a meal at any of our houses! My DD also doesn't cope well when it's loud and busy.
I am also non-confrontational and want to keep everyone else happy.
Have put foot down and said we will Go to my parents Xmas eve to boxing day but that I don't want DD up at 4am when my nieces and nephews get up - she will get up in her own time.
If you say you are having Xmas at home next year but the grandparents are all welcome to come you are doing your best to keep everyone happy.
We all know grandparents love their grand kids but it is supposed to be a holiday and family time for us too x
Good luck x x x

 

[lozzajohn1]

Hi Claire,

Nice to hear from someone with similar issues! Relief!!!!

The whole xmas is just exhausting and like you said it should be a holiday, not nazi camp with extra helping of guilt lol.

I like to think when little bean comes along I will have more fight in me, but at the mo keeping the peace is just easier.

Wishing you a happy xmas and new year - i hope ours will be a little better next year!x

 

[buggy1]

I will be having problems with this two, they all make you feel guilty and you have to almost pick a side. My parents and DH's parents live about an hour and a half apart so it isn't easy to pop in on them both and they don't get along either so everyone in one place wouldn't really work. I am just trying to think of it like they've had their kids and did what they wanted to do, now it is my turn and I don't want to feel guilty, easier said than done though!

 

[tabbi]

I had the same problem hun, the best thing to do it say 'we're going to be a small family next year and we want it to be just us on christmas day, boxing day your more than welcome to come, but let me know in advance as of getting food etc ready and in stock'

I had to fight with my Ex, his family and mine too. But i'm stubborn and said if they continued none would see her over christmas period stat. Just do what you think is right hunni and dont let them pressure you as it is not any good for anyone x x x

 

[clairem1980]

Hope you managed to enjoy Christmas lozza we survived and actually had fun.
Boxing Day we had five kids and none adults for a buffet lunch at my parents. It was manic but nice to have all together. We had lunch though and then left so DD could nap on the way home.
Hope yours was good?

 

[lozzajohn1]

Hey Claire,
Mine was alright (although my brother is now not speaking to me! ha!) had a laugh and relaxed lots and ate far too much
Glad yours was okay! Until next year...
x

 

[clairem1980]

Oh yes, only 11 months til the hassle starts again

 

[AndieP]

I have the same problem every year. What makes my situation even harder is that my other half is Canadian so you can imagine the dilemma at Xmas time!

 

[LikeJohnnYoko]

You could always go with the "well, LO wont really know what's going on that first Christmas, so can we talk about this again when LO is a bit more aware of things?" route for now.

 

[lozzajohn1]

Well we broached the 'staying at home this christmas' with the MIL and she cried?! Seriously!!

If in doubt lets guilt our children?! Why???!

I think we have come to an agreement (cant believe we have had to decide something thats a whole year away!!). We will stay at home xmas eve and christmas morning with one set of parents, then go over for dinner to see the other set!

I'm scared one day I will tell them all to F-Off completely. I'll be cutting my nose despite my face but desperate times and all that...!

 

[Jajis]

Blimey, it's ridiculous that you've had to think of it this early, and I'm sorry you're being made to do something that you don't want to do. Do they live close to each other?

We had this problem with the Christmas just gone (as that was Alex's first Christmas). Although it was slightly different in that I wanted to be at my parents and really, really didn't want to be at my OH's parents house (I have many reasons for this, it's not just that I'd rather be with my parents). In the end we went to my parents on the 21st because it's my Mum's birthday on the 22nd, stayed there until after lunch on Christmas Day, then went to my OH's parents (a 45 minute drive) for the evening - meaning a second Christmas dinner

I refuse to spend the night at my OH's parents' house with Alex because OH's Dad and sister smoke, so we only stayed a little while before heading home. We then met up with them again for the whole of Boxing Day at my OH's aunt and uncle's house. We went back to my parents afterwards because we'd left all our Christmas presents there, but OH's parents assumed we were just picking stuff up and heading home, and I didn't set them straight (we actually stayed a couple more nights) because I couldn't face having an argument with them about it - or my OH's Mum crying like yours did

No idea what we're going to do next year, part of me wants to just say we'll stay at our house, but I don't know how that will go down and I will miss being at my parents' house (I've never not been there for at least part of Christmas Day).

AARRGGHH, why does it have to be so tricky?! Christmas is my absolute favourite time of the year, but I just felt stressed in the run up to it this time and I don't want that to happen every year or it'll ruin it

 

[lozzajohn1]

Yeah they live within 20 mins of each other. I would quite like them all to get along enough to be able to all be together but that's not the case (I think a lot of that is prejudice on both sides) grr.

God, it pretty much sounds like we are going through exactly the same thing. My family are smokers (I used to smoke) so I can totally empathise - its really hard to be diplomatic to a smoker lol.

Maybe you could say you have an open house and that that last year was quite stressful and no matter what you did someone got hurt so this year you'll stay at home and people can come visit you if they want to see their grandchild.

I figure someone is always going to get hurt, but that's their issue because they are expecting a lot from us. What about OUR expectations and feelings??

If I'd known having a baby was going to be about both mums I probably wouldn't have done it, or at least moved 400 miles away lol. The past 5 Christmases have been miserable for me, I'm hoping bubs will change it for me!

On the upside at least next Christmas I can have a drink to get me through it lol!