Down and confused

[butterfly1]

Hi, just joined today so don’t really know where to post. I will apologize now If this ends up being a long waffley post. I feel so alone and down ☹
I am 43. I have never been pregnant and don’t know if I can have children. I have been trying for around 3 years.. I use trying loosely as I supposed me peeing on sticks and temping every day doesn’t count as trying if other half can’t manage to do the deed. Which is one of my issues. We do it once or twice a month, around time of ovulation and that it. He has no desire or sex drive at all and has to take a tablet to manage it at all. Which even if wasn’t TTC its so upsetting. Anyway his sperm has been tested and its normal. I never bothered going to the dr as I just assumed it was the frequency that was the problem. However I have now been to the dr’s and I am absolutely kicking myself that I have left it so long ( I have a ridiculous fear of doctors) anyway I eventually went and they did day 3 and day 21 bloods. I was called back in and she said everything was normal apart from FSH level. The only thing I really remember hearing was pre menopausal and I just broke down crying my heart out in front of her. She did say usually LH and FSH level is high so results don’t tally. She did confirm that I am still ovulating, and my periods are regular so I am so confused. Anyway I had to have bloods again. I don’t know what the levels were first time but second time I asked and they were LH 5.6 (normal) but FSH was 10.7 ☹ I have to go and see her again on Thursday and I have an ultrasound booked and being referred to fertility clinic but have been told I am too old for IVF. I have felt so depressed since I saw her I just cant shake myself out of it.
There is a slight chance this could be my month though and I hope with all my heart it is before I have to go though all this fertility stuff. I ovulated really early. Day 8 confirmed with tests and temp. I had the most ewcm ever and the strongest line ever and amazing we managed to do the deed straight after (xmas eve) and also xmas day. I am now 7 DPO and stupidly took a test this morning …. I know far too early, I just cant help myself. I need to wait until Jan 8th really.
Anyway there you go, that’s me. I am so confused, down and kicking myself for only just going the doctors and time is literally running out, assuming its actually possible for me to get lucky.
Thanks for reading if you still are x

 

[Pidgeridoo]

I know how hard long term TTC can be and how down it can make you! It's been two and a half years for OH and I and it took me almost two years to go to the doctor, I kept tellig myself it would happen so no need to go! But we both have the ball rolling now Butterfly that's the main thing! If they have referred you to the fertility clinic there must still be treatment options available to you! Anyway it sounds like you have this month well covered so you never kow what the new year could bring!

 

[butterfly1]

Thanks for replying. The frustrating thing is I was adamant for years I didn't want kids (wrong relationship etc) and now I feel like I am being punished. Now its all I can thinking of, its literally consuming me, and I'm obsessing over everything. I am scared to death of the procedures, even the ultrasound, in case I cant hold the water long enough or they have to do an internal one.
Aww good luck to you too, hopefully 2018 will be a healthy happy year x

 

[Pidgeridoo]

I know I keep thinking that I would have a baby by now if I had of just went at the one year mark! But I can't change the past unfortunately and our baby will turn up when it's meant to be! I work with two ladies who both had babies aged 43 and 44 and one of those ladies told me her mum had her whe she was 48 so it is very very possible that it will happen for you! I had a very unexpected internal scan at my first appointment and please don't be nervous about getting one! It's absolutely painless and over in a few minutes! I think 2018 will be very positive year for all us long termers on here!

 

[xMillie]

So sorry to be reading this
You are not alone xx

Like Pidgeridoo said there must still be some options if they have referred you.

Internal scans and ultrasounds are really not bad at all! More pleasant than a smear!

Hope everything goes well and 2018 brings you a surprise xx

 

[butterfly1]

Thank you Millie, I needed to hear I'm not alone, I cant talk to anyone about it. Even if medically I turn out to be ok, there is still the issue that my fella barely comes near me. Also I cant get the workd menopausal out of my head. I am clinging onto the hope that I know I am still ovulating and we just need one perfectly timed miracle xx

 

[snowbee]

Hiya, sorry you are finding things hard, ttc is a tough journey.

Does your oh want children? I think you really do need to dtd more to increase your chances, if he isn't wanting to do it the traditional way would he be up for giving you a deposit and you inserting it over your fertile week? One of the things they will ask you at the clinic is how often you are dtd and when.

As the others have said the ultrasound is ok, the internal was better than the external for me as you can wee before it! Don't go mad drinking before the external as you can always take a drink and drink more if they need you too, I was bursting for a wee and it was painful holding it when they were pressing down.

 

[butterfly1]

Yes he does want kids, we had this problem before we ever discussed children. He suffers from anxiety and depression and has a non existent sex drive. He literally does have to take a tablet to DTD otherwise he cant finish or even be hard in the first place which means unplanned sex is out the window. Its all so upsetting for me.
What are they actually looking for on the ultrasound, is it cysts etc or can they tell how many eggs I have or any blockages?

 

[MoominGirl]

I am sorry to be reading this burtterfly

You are definitely not alone here, TTC can be very tough for a lot of people.

During the ultrasound they look for any abnormalities. They found an endometrial polyp on mine which I've since had removed. They will also be able to look for polycystic ovaries and things like that. As I understand it, they won't generally be able to see any blockages in the fallopian tubes which is why they often do hsg afterwards. I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong.

Also, I second what the others have said about the scan. It really isn't anything to worry about. I had to have 2 so they could confirm the polyp and it really wasn't a problem.

Good luck!

 

[Sunflower1]

We had a similar problem with DH struggling to perform. We switched to artificial insemination which is much easier and allows us to get the timing perfect. It was driving us potty that we could only dtd maybe once in the fertile window.
Is your OH on antidepressants as they totally kill sex drive?

 

[butterfly1]

Sunflower he used to be on anti depressants but came off them for that reason. Unfornuately libido didnt return. Sorry for sounding so naive but do you do artificial insemination*at home just literally "collecting" and "inserting" does it have to be immediate? Is there erm a kit?? I am trying so hard to start the new year more positive and view my upcoming tests as a possible solution rather than thinking the worst.

 

[snowbee]

Moomin is right about ultrasound, blockages can't be seen on there but hsg will, which will most likely be the next test.

Just collect in a cup and syringe in, some ladies use a moon cup to keep it up there. If you keep it at body temperature you have about an hour to use it (I'm basing that purely on the basis that that is how long we had to take sperm samples in to be checked, so I don't know how much longer afterwards it would be ok for).

Tests are always that way, you almost want them to find something so you know what to do afterwards.

 

[Sunflower1]

Sunflower he used to be on anti depressants but came off them for that reason. Unfornuately libido didnt return. Sorry for sounding so naive but do you do artificial insemination*at home just literally "collecting" and "inserting" does it have to be immediate? Is there erm a kit?? I am trying so hard to start the new year more positive and view my upcoming tests as a possible solution rather than thinking the worst.

It's just a sterile pot, a needleless 10ml syringe, and some ConceivePlus lubricant - which I only use on the syringe now. If you are interested I can send you links to the seller on ebay I use. It does have to be fairly immediate as you can't store it. It's really helped take the pressure off for us as there is no stress. It is literally collect sample and insert - plus you can use opks etc to make sure the timing is really good.

I think it's called IVI - intra vaginal insemination. Research seems to say it's as good as the real thing.

It wasn't an easy conversation to have with my DH as he wasn't keen initially. It's actually quite fun...I giggled through the first time as it feels like a huge science experiment.

 

[Sylva]

Me and my OH had a similar problem to this, also routed in anxiety and work stress. It does put extra pressure on when you're TTC as well. I didn't know how we were going to work through it because we weren't doing it much at all. It isnt a magic wand, but ive found that the Pregnacare "his and hers" pre-conception vitamins have increased his sex drive. We managed it 5 days in a row the other week... It used to be just 2 times per month. I dont know if it's the vitamins or what, but might be worth a try x

 

[butterfly1]

Wow really? I will try anything! Whats the magic ingredient i wonder? I will get some tomorrow x

 

[Sylva]

It had Peruvian Maca in it, which I think is meant to improve libido as well as zinc which it says is related to testosterone levels. Also, I think it just might be the impact of suddenly having lots of good vitamins (it's basically a multivitamin) in his system. We haven't talked about it so I don't know if he'd agree - but I noticed not long after he started taking them he was talking about sex more and initiating it more (which never used to happen, it always used to be me initiating). I don't want to give false hope and there's definitely no such thing as a magic wand, but I wanted to share that it has helped us. Either way, I think they're good vitamins to have.

 

[butterfly1]

Oh Sylva. Thank you so so much. You have given me hope!! Xx

 

[Sylva]

I hope it helps!!

I read a lot about ginseng for libido too and was going to get that if we continued having problems. I think it's red ginseng but I'm definitely no expert so might be worth googling. Oh I also tried aromatherapy massage! My OH responds well to scent so I thought it was worth a shot and it did get us going right at the beginning when we started trying! I had some sweet almond oil and researched which oils were good for male libido and mixed a few drops in with the almond oil and gave him a massage. My memory fails me but I have a feeling it was ylang ylang and frankincense but there's a lot of information about that our there. There's also quite a few essential oils you need to stay away from when trying for a baby so if you do go down that route then read up on the oils that you're using. Rosemary, for example, is a big no no. Anyway - another random suggestion but I was open to trying anything at the time and it seemed to relax him and give us the excuse to mix things up a bit in the bedroom. Ages ago we actually saw a therapist about our sex life and she recommended sensate focus which is a way of touching non sexually and building up to sex slowly and gently.

 

[MoominGirl]

Just to give another point of view. We used the Pregnacare vitamins and found them to be just like another multivitamin and definitely no change in libido. We're now taking the Tesco own brand ones as they're quite a lot cheaper with nearly the same ingredients just so we know we're getting all the right things. Some ladies have also reported that the Pregnacare ones messed with their cycles though I didn't find this.

 

[butterfly1]

MoominGirl what are the tesco ones called? X