Dont know what to do anymore

[robtans1st]

hi all,

Dont really know what i am doing. Dont really want to speak to my close friends about it but thought i might be able to vent some of my frustrations out on here.

I'm just finding it so hard. I am 10 weeks pregnant and all me and my OH seem to do is argue. Every single day. I'm suffering bad with morning sickness and this added stress on top is pushing me to the edge. He says im nagging him everyday about money. Hes finding it hard to get work as he is self employed so i am having to pay most of the bills etc. I'm worrying that we wont be able to afford to have this baby. I can see his point but his reaction to this is to sleep on the sofa. I'm so scared im going to have to do this on my own.

Sorry lol
xx

 

[Sam's Mum]

I don't think men really get what pregnancy does to us - to them it all starts when we give birth...while we're pregnant, nothing has really changed for them, so all our thoughts about the future, money worries etc. aren't things that they see the need to think about just yet. Not that they shouldn't, but I think that they tend to live in the present more than plan for the future You're 'nagging' him (everything I ask my husband to do seems to be considered nagging too ) for a good reason, but is he putting lots of effort in to find more work?

Would he be prepared to sit down just for an hour one evening and talk through any concerns you both have? Go through all your finances and plan budgets and things both for now and when your baby is born - if anything just to make you both feel a bit more relaxed about it all?

Having said all that though, I do think it's hard for them too - I had so little tolerance for anything when I was pregnant that little things I would usually have ignored started driving me insane, so the 'nagging' probably happened far more than it usually would - you might want to remind him what all these pregnancy hormones flying around do to us, and ask him to try and be a little bit more understanding (always helps if they feel we're admitting we're partly at fault, even when we're not ). At this stage men also feel a bit left out, as they can't see anything, feel anything, and to us we've got all the symptoms, knowing there's a whole new life inside us - I do think it gets easier later on when they do start to feel a bit more involved, even just being kicked in the back my little feet while we're fast asleep! x

 

[xxbeckyxx]

I could've written the exact same thing when I was 10 weeks! I felt like OH didn't even acknowledge that I was coping with massive emotional and physical changes, or that there was gonna be a baby coming! He was partying with mates, still smoking etc (although not around me), and even in normal circumstances he's not one to talk about the future so I always just kept my worries to myself - I nearly went potty with it!

All I can say is that as soon as he saw a teeny tiny baby on my chest he was a changed man. He's so unbelievable now - he will do anything for both me and Lizzie, including giving up smoking and drinking completely which was a big step! He discusses money matters with me now and we work out what we can and can't afford. Before Lizzie was here he did very little work (he's a student and does auxiliary nursing when he's free), and now he's always up for getting a shift as it means he can treat us to a meal out or buy something pretty for his little girl!

Hang in there hun is all I can say, men don't get pregnancy!!!!

 

[titch]

we found the 10 week point really difficult too I think a lot of the girls on here have said similar things at that stage. You have no bump yet, he cant feel kicks, from his point of view nothings changed. For you, you feel completely different, morning sickness is torturous and difficult to explain to someone who hasnt experienced it. And you're carry a lot of the responsibility for thinking about the future. Its a bad combination for a lot of relationships. things really do get better, the 2nd trimester is when your energy levels shoot up, and your not sick anymore, plus you grow a bump and you and your OH will feel the baby kicking. Youll be on the same wavelength then.

could he do some door to doorm kleeneze or betterware cataogues? at least he'll be doing something to bring money in

 

[robtans1st]

Thank you sooo much!! I think I just needed to know I wasnt the only one who has been through this. I was really getting to my wits end last night. I have taken a step back, a deep breath and we have had a good chat tonight about it all. It wasnt all calm dont get me wrong but I think what you ladies have said is exactly what was wrong. And after it all OH said he had been counting down the days until our 12 week scan which is next week, it made my heart melt

Thanks again
xx