Don't feel bad!

[Miracle babe]

I feel its important for us to put breastfeeding into context here as for many new mothers who have difficulty breastfeeding and maybe have to give up they beat themelves up over it and go through a whole barrage of guilt which personally I feel is unfair and unecessary.
There is NO QUESTION that breastfeeding is best for your baby and I'm not saying that isnt the case but I also feel that too much pressure is put on new mothers to breastfeed and if they find they dont enjoy it, cant get on with it or just find it too difficult they are seen as failures. At least thats what happened to me 7 years ago and I'd hate anyone else to go through what I did questioning their ability as a mother which is why I'm posting this.
When I had my daughter 7 years ago I decided to breastfeed as I had more or less been forced into it by midwives and other family members who I felt did not respect me or my feelings about it, not a good start I'll admit. This didnt mean I didnt love my daughter or want the best for her it just wasnt something I felt particularly strongly about. However I gave it my best shot.
Sadly I was very ill after having my daughter and everytime I fed her I would pass out, hardly the loving bonding time I was hoping for However the midwives made me feel like ALL that mattered was the fact that my daughter was getting breastmilk. Sorry but I'd have to say looking back that I disagreed with this attitude. There is FAR MORE to being a mother than just producing milk and I commend anyone who can do this but I COULD NOT COPE and ended up missing out on important times with my daughter as a result of my being so ill. Thankfully when I was eventually moved over to a health visitor 2 weeks after my daughters birth I had an oldish lady who told me enough was enough and to get her on a bottle. Best advice I was given, from that time on I was able to have a loving relationship with my daughter, I was able to cuddle her, play with her, blow raspberries on her tummy as I changed her nappies and do all the things that I felt mothers do.
The purpose of this post is just to try and put breastfeeding into context so that anyone worrying about whether or not they can do it and perhaps ends up as I did not being able to doesnt think they are a failure or beats themselves up over it. My advice would be to give it your best shot, have a go but if it doesnt work out dont beat yourself up over it. There is SO MUCH MORE to being a mother than breastfeeding!

 

[chezzabell]

well said hun

i felt so bad that i could not BF sophie but in the end i knew she needed food in her one way or another

 

[Amanda]

I agree - well said!

I also had a bad time breastfeeding Kayleigh, and so I'm not going to even attempt it this time. I'm very lucky to have a good mw and she has told me not to be pressured into even trying it if I don't want to.

We all know that breast milk is best, but surely a happy mummy counts for so much too.

 

[mummykay]

i was very against breastfeeding in the begining, i didnt think it was hygenic and all the rest of it but its taken about 8mths for OH to convince me that i should at least try it?

if i try it and somethings not right then little one can go on the bottle but at least ill know its not for me thru tryin it out!!

 

[bexxie]

I did do it and have to say I DO think it protects babies from future illnesses as it gives them a very good immunity.

BUT it isnt for everyone and I respect that,it can be very difficult to do somtimes,the latching on,the tender nipples and the constant feeling like a milk cow. I only did it because she latched on as soon as she was born and that was that! But to be honest I always felt a little bit odd doing it and dont know if I will do it with this one so will wait and see. I am putting in my birth plan for instant skin to skin contact (dont want them to tell me sex either!)so will see if BF comes naturally to this baby.


Breast feeding is so personal and I agree with everything Miracle babe has wrote and she has put a very valid point across,well done.

 

[skatty]

I feel the pressure! Over here in Denmark it is the norm to breastfeed and people are really open about it. I was at a party when I first got here and there were some Mums talking to each other about someone that was bottlefeeding like it was really wrong

I hope I can breastfeed just because it will be convenient etc but I have read that formula is almost as good now too. I'm going to give it my best shot but I have also bought a steriliser and bottles. In an ideal world I'd like to do both but we'll see

 

[Miracle babe]

I'm so relieved that my post was taken in the context it was meant. Felt very worried about posting as for some people they feel so passoinate about breastfeeding they almost fail to be able to see the big picture. My aunt was one of these people and hounded me my whole pregnancy even sending me pamphlets and books about it almost on a weekly basis
I'm planning on BF for the first 3 days so baby gets the colostrum and if it works out I will continue afterwards but if not then I'll be moving onto bottles without a pang of guilt
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[bexxie]

Good for you...thats how it should be it is such a personal choice breast-feeding. i would never enforce my own opinion onto people. Even when my sisters smoked when they were pregnant I still bit my tongue,as anything people do is personal choice (apart from physical abuse) (and that can be considered that) Oops i am getting off topic here.

Glad you raised the subject make a lot more people feel at ease.

B.x

 

[Melanie]

I feel the pressure! Over here in Denmark it is the norm to breastfeed and people are really open about it. I was at a party when I first got here and there were some Mums talking to each other about someone that was bottlefeeding like it was really wrong

I hope I can breastfeed just because it will be convenient etc but I have read that formula is almost as good now too. I'm going to give it my best shot but I have also bought a steriliser and bottles. In an ideal world I'd like to do both but we'll see

Its the same here Skatty - you cant even buy formula in normal supermarkets or chemists you have to get it through your doctor! No pressure there then!

 

[skatty]

Oh Melanie its awful isn't it? By the way I will definitely PM you my number so we can chat about being homesick together

 

[Melanie]

Oh Melanie its awful isn't it? By the way I will definitely PM you my number so we can chat about being homesick together

It sucks! I guess we dont realise how lucky and relaxed we are to things like this in the UK.

I think chatting about our homesickness is a very good idea

 

[Rosieroo]

Just wanted to post to you soon to be mummas that if you are having probs with bf then there are lots of counsellors out there that can help. I wish I'd contacted them when I was originally having probs instead of speaking to the MW/HV who's advice varied greatly! Don't always trust your MW for good advice, I found one out of about 6 could actually help me!

La Leche League - 0845 120 2918
ABM - 0870 401 7711
NCT - 0870 444 8708
Breast Feeding Network (BFN) - 0870 900 8787

More often than not you'll be put through to a local mum who has breastfed and is fully trained to help you out

Sorry to hijack the OP, just thought that I'd share this info with you now so you're well prepared

I'll hide back in first tri now

 

[fran_23]

i really enjoyed breastfeeding..but i had to stop because i was sick and i had to have strong antibiotics for 7 days and my milk dried up

so sometimes its out of your control i hope no one would think bad of me for not breastfeeding it wasnt my fault! but some ppl are so righteous..they should get a life really!

 

[Dee1985]

I feel the pressure! Over here in Denmark it is the norm to breastfeed and people are really open about it. I was at a party when I first got here and there were some Mums talking to each other about someone that was bottlefeeding like it was really wrong

really??? its the opposit were i live iv never seen a woman breast feed before first time i did i was at the baby show and i couldnt help but look as iv never seen it. suppose thats the main reason i never BF i knew nothing about it

 

[Daggers]

Yes I agree that this is a presonal thing and it should be left for each individual to decide for themselves. As a first time mom I can't comment on how breast feeding will affect me - hopefully I'll be fine, but I know this is not always the case. You should do what you think is best for you and baba, and if that means bottle feeding then so be it. I wasn't breast feed as I was in the hopsital to long after being born and I'm fine (or so I like to think!).

 

[Rosieroo]

The antibiotics I was on for mastitis (3 courses ) made my milk really dry up too, thought that it was totally going to go!