Does it mean i will be a bad parent?

[Sugarhigh]

Hi Ladies

I just wanted to ask your opinion and stuff because i have gotten myself really worked up over a comment from a family member.

Basically i had/have decided that i was going to Breastfeed Dylan while we are in the hospital and then when we come home im planning on mix feeding him basically having his last few feeds at night and first few in the morning coming from me and then during the day giving him formula, does this make me a bad parent? the reason i ask is that the family member im talking about has said that theres MORE risk of him getting infections such as asthma etc when he is mix fed rather than exclusively formula fed/breastfed, obviously i dont want to do harm to my son but i fear that there will be days when my mum or OH want to take him out into town etc on their own and i wont be there so they would have to be in and back again before he needed fed if i was exclusively breastfeeding.

Also my MW has said that she has seen many fathers who feel left out of the bonding process because in their eyes the mother is doing everything and they are missing out on crucial bonding with their baby.

will i be risking his health if i mix feed him or should he be exclusively fed from birth?

ETA: i dont want this to turn into a breast vs bottle debate im just looking for opinions

 

[kellyandbump]

I breastfed Chloe for the first six weeks as I had read that the first couple of weeks are the best. I could tell that OH was feeling a little left out so I gave Chloe a few bottles. I felt like a bad mother but must admit moving over to bottles was the best thing we did. Sorry not been much help but thought I would give the view of a bottle feeding mum. Don't take too much notice of what other people say I am sure you will be a brillient mum.

 

[mum2A&L]

thats more or less what we ended up doing.

As long as you do what works best and leaves you both happiest, thats all the matters. Not the process that leads to this.


I don't know of anything that says mixed feeding is more risk than only feeding oneway or the other... every baby and mother is different. You just need to do what works and is best for you.

 

[x Naomi x]

To be honest hun, you can still exclusively breastfeed and let them take your baby out, you would be able to express and give them a bottle of your breast milk although you may find when he/she is really little you dont want to leave them!

What i would say from my own experience of mixing is that your breasts will not produce enough milk if you just did a couple of feeds a day, you need to be feeding baby as much as possible as it is so so hard to express , i did it for 3 weeks and used to have to express for an hour before feeding and then also through the night as well so that my supply didnt dwindle and even then it did start to because i was getting tired i cut out the night time express and that was it then, my milk supply really slowed down,

Also it is advisable to let baby get established at breast feeding for at least a month before introducing bottles etc although my baby was in SCBU for 11 days and had bottle mostly, she would still latch onto me but i wasnt keeping up with demand,

So my answer to you would be, if you want to breastfeed go for it, your OH and mother can bond with baby in other ways, i know how gutting it is to really want to breastfeed and have that taken away from me,

 

[Tasha20]

First of all

I agree with Naomi, you can express milk if you want to give yoruself a break for an hour or so, you sound like you woudl really like to breastfeed, formula could jeopodise that.

Hubby wont feel left out (well mine certainly didnt) he was able to do nappy changes and baths, and cuddled up to me when I fed her, which for me was a lovely moment

 

[Urchin]

Personally I feel if you introduce a bottle early you may end up fighting a battle with you body to get your breastmilk supply regulated. They say 6 weeks is what it takes for your body to know exactly how much your baby needs, then its OK to introduce a bottle afterwards. Also you run the risk of nipple confusion cos it's easier for a baby to drink from a bottle than the breast.

It's up to you, but if you are being swayed by the "bonding with daddy" thing you could always let him do bathtimes, changes, and bonding in other ways or as others have said you could express milk for daddy to give.

Aside from all that, bottles are generally a pain in the bum if you ask me, all that scrubbing and sterilising... I'm way too lazy for that

 

[Tasha20]

I agree with Urchin, so glad I didnt have to do all that sterilising malarcy! Bonus!

 

[Sugarhigh]

Thanks for your replies I do want to breastfeed but i really feel that i dont have the willpower to stick at it and my aunt and uncle (who are the ones preaching about bottles are great this that and the next thing) have kinda delivered TWO sterilisers (yes 2!) and 9 bottles to my house this morning and after about an hour of them lecturing me they left.

basically my aunt said "i never breastfed Kyle when he was born so why should you breastfeed Dylan" she is very much a kind of "if i can't do it no-one else can" type person but the thing is she said right from when she fell pregnant that her boobs were there to be enjoyed by her and my uncle she even expressed milk for the first 6 months and binned it because "it makes your boobs look massive and i get all lovely comments" i really do want to at least try and feed him myself but that side of my family always stand in my way (its my dads brother and his wife)ive seen more of them than i have of my dad since i fell pregnant!!!! and they always come when they know they will be able to lecture me (like today for example mum and Oh are at work and thats when they turn up) im sat here in tears not knowing what to bloody do anymore i am honestly at a loss! i know alot of people will say he is my child do what i want to do but with the pressure of them basically breathing down my neck about it I'm not sure mum and OH have been great about it and OH said to the midwife about bathtime and nappy changing etc and basically got shot down for it by her! I honestly never thought i would find a midwife who was against breastfeeding!

My main worry is obviously that i would want to express but ive read alot of horror stories about being unable to express or not being able to produce enough milk to feed the baby that i think i was setting myself up for failure.

 

[purple13]

i'm with urchin too. if you do want to bf at all, you will find that in order to keep your supply up, your baby will be almost surgically attached to you for the first few weeks. introducing bottles and formula during this period could mean that you end up not breast feeding at all.

its very difficult to answer your original question regarding health - mostly because its an almost impossible thing to study, with far too many other influential factors in a baby's life to get a valid control group.

what is for certain is that formula, whilst being a substitute, is simply not as good as breast milk. our own milk is such a complex creation that no scientist has ever, and probably will ever, be able to replicate it. our milk changes constantly, reacting to our babies needs - fat levels, antibodies etc - all change depending what our child requires. its something that will never cease to amaze me

you may well be able to express. but then again you may not. it varies from person to person. babies are just so much better at it than pumps but there's no point in worrying yourself about that until after the birth cos there's not a lot you can do to change it

it really comes down to how much you want to breastfeed. i can tell you from my own point of view that its the most wonderful thing i've ever done, despite having huge difficulty at the start. i can also tell you that my OH is exceptionally proud of the fact that i've breastfed his little boy. he bonds with cuddles, baths and playtime - he doesn't need a bottle to fulfil his role as daddy

its tragic that you don't have sufficient support from your family. if i had anyone making me feel the way that you are now, i'd be tempted to lamp them! TBH your aunt sounds a bit nuts i can only advise you to do lots of reading up on the pros and cons of artificial feeding and breastfeeding. look beyond this forum (although obviously feel free to ask us anything!!) and try to decide what you want for yourself and your LO. knowledge is power and all that!

good luck xx

 

[Sugarhigh]

Thanks hun im gonna find information as you have suggested as well as reading the Topic that Midna started on this section about breastfeeding.

I mentioned to mum what they had brought me and her response was a little too "adult" for a public forum so that cheered me up and stuff and because its only the pair of them that are dead against it she phoned them and told them where they can stick their opinions and not to come back to our house

and i have been told to put the stuff into a bin bag and leave it by the living room door and my nan is gonna take it and put it in her loft (so no fear of me being tempted as you never see anything again once its in that loft lol) so yeah i think i can say that unless i really feel that i can't feed him myself i wont be seeing those bottles again unless its just the mini ones that im using with the pump

 

[Naterjack]

dont worry what people might say or think

I want to BF, but i am not going to make myself feel guilty if it doesnt work out.
I will BF and express for a while, then formula if i feel the need, then i want our little one to sit at the table with us at mealtimes so i can wean him before a year old - thats my choice

Good luck whatever you decide

 

[Urchin]

she phoned them and told them where they can stick their opinions and not to come back to our house

I like your mum LOL

First time round i was really unsure about BFing, I only agreed to "give it a go" cos OH is very pro BFing and my MW agreed.

I REALLY enjoyed it, it was an amazing feeling that even though the baby wasn't inside me any more, my body was still taking care of him.
I have been very lucky though, and apart from the usual sore nipples for the first couple of weeks I have not had any problems, yes, you need willpower, and lots of it, but what you get back is worth all of the pain and stress.

 

[locust]

I have lots of info if you should require pm me x And can only echo what purple13 has said

 

[Tasha20]

Thanks hun im gonna find information as you have suggested as well as reading the Topic that Midna started on this section about breastfeeding.

I mentioned to mum what they had brought me and her response was a little too "adult" for a public forum so that cheered me up and stuff and because its only the pair of them that are dead against it she phoned them and told them where they can stick their opinions and not to come back to our house

and i have been told to put the stuff into a bin bag and leave it by the living room door and my nan is gonna take it and put it in her loft (so no fear of me being tempted as you never see anything again once its in that loft lol) so yeah i think i can say that unless i really feel that i can't feed him myself i wont be seeing those bottles again unless its just the mini ones that im using with the pump

I am so pleased you have your mom there

Ignore the silly bints! and that silly bint of a midwife in all!

I never thought I would breastfeed, and I did for 13 months, it is hard and you do feel sometimes you havent enough, but it is there hunny!

You will have loads of support, you can do it!!

 

[beanie]

Your mum is a legend!!!!!

Your midwife sounds a bit of an idiot though

here are some links
http://baby.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Breastfeeding_and_Dad
http://www.breastfeed-essentials.com/daddies.html
and

It is important for dad to give baby a bottle to feel involved and to bond with baby/allow others to feed the baby.

It is true that breastfeeding is an intimate bond between mother and baby, oxytocin, a hormone is released, which promotes bonding and is relaxing to both mother and baby. Some parents are concerned that if dad doesn’t become involved with feedng, it may on some level prevent bonding. Bottle feeding however, does not confer these same benefits. There are many other ways however, a dad can embrace his new role and effectively bond; without compromising breastfeeding and therefore the longterm health of the baby.

Dads can take an active role in bath time. A 14 year study by Dr Howard Steele, of the University of Central London, revealed vabies who miss out on regular baths by their father are three times more likely to experience behavioural problems. The study, thought to be the first of its kind, found 30% of boys and girls who were not bathed regularly by their father were prone to “significant friendship problems” when they grew up. This compares with 3% who were bathed three to four times a week who went on to suffer problems.

Dr Steele says:
QUOTE
one reason for the long-term effects of bathing is hormones called oxytocins, which are released into the body when touch and warm temperatures are combined.

Dads, or father figures, have a particularly powerful influence on their child’s social competence development and so they need to know how important things like bath time are for their baby.”

“The function of the father is to introduce the child to the social world beyond the mother, through assuming some of the early caregiving duties and increasingly via playful and joyful stimulation of the child’s interest.

“Bath time is an obvious place for this stimulation in dad’s busy life.”
END QUOTE

Dads can also enjoy lots of skin to skin contact with baby, provide a relaxing massage post bath or carry baby in a sling as bonding methods both father and baby will enjoy.

from http://www.iwantmymum.com/site/articles/myth-buster/146

and a bit of anectodal research both my breastfed little girls adore their daddy and they have bonded loads.I don't get a look in half the time My fave thing is to snuggle up to OH when feeding Cally.

 

[charlie84]

I think the girls have covered it all for you hun, but i wanted to add to the bonding with daddy thing.
My LO is breastfed and OH encouraged me with this and it has never affected his bond with Calleigh, infact she idolises her daddy. When he comes in from work she gets so excited and she is a proper daddies girl

Beanie that quote was a very interesting read, OH bathes Calleigh every night, i leave him too it as this is there time. And she enjoys cuddling up to her daddy and is ever so relaxed on him , where as if i want a cuddle she will only stay still if she is feeding

 

[Becky]

both my breastfed little girls adore their daddy and they have bonded loads.I don't get a look in half the time

Can't add much more than to say that my girl is the same! She and her daddy have the best relationship and I exclusively BF her till she was 4 months. Neither of them missed out on anything. It's such a myth that you need to feed a baby to bond with it. Can you imagine if you had to feed every person you ever wanted to have a relationship with!

 

[Sandi4Paul]

at this stage i'd keep your options open, there ae so many things you think you will do for/ with your baby when you are pregnant..... and then you give birth. For example i always thought i would have issues about breastfeeding in public. But if Logan is crying and he wants food i just flop 'em out no worries.

Expressing as others have said can be an option, we did this from about a week old with no problems. My OH who is more of a night owl that me would give as the first night feed so i was able to get a bit more continious sleep it really helped my sanity in the first few weeks.

My advice is ignore all health professions (especially your future health visitor) and listen to your baby, they are the expert on themselves, HV are only experts on babies.

Sandi

 

[moss]

Breastfeeding is fantastic. It isn't always easy, but I do love it anyway. I have only recently started expressing, and that is only for once a week or so. Despite this, I feel like it threw off my supply a little, so I can't imagine how it would have been any earlier, especially with formula. It is so not true at all that daddy can't bond as well without feeding. Jacob is really into being fed and if you try to talk to him he will just get annoyed, then he gets annoyed when the bottle is empty. My husband says his other times with Jacob: changing, playing, wearing him in the sling or napping are far more bonding than feeding.

It's easier said than done but I'm glad you had your mother there to speak up for you because it is nobody's business but your own about how you feed your baby! I'm sorry to say it, but to pump to make your chest look big? That seems pretty crazy to me! Imagine going through all of that trouble for your looks, but then to bin the milk that could have benefited the baby! I personally wouldn't worry about the opinion of anyone like that.

As everyone has said, you seem like you really want to give breastfeeding a fair chance, so good luck with it and please do your best to ignore all of these nosey people!

 

[Squiglet]

If my DH had a set of boobs... I'd never see my youngest ever again Its why I'm so reluctant to give up booby feeding because I'd never get any cuddles otherwise... to the point she does nothing but ask after her Papa all day...looks out the window all the time to see if he's coming home and goes nuts when she sees him. DH has fed her a bottle maybe once... or twice in her life... it in no way effected the bonding process...

remember breastfeeding is hard and people who succeed have every right to feel proud, but in any area of your life where you succeed there will be people who will be jealous and wish to see you fail. This has been a driving force in my life to prove people wrong,... it hasn't always been good... but in terms of breastfeeding it was the best form of stuborness I have ever taken.