Does being a parent turn you into a snob?

[bwakeling]

Hi all,

I'm writing a piece for Parentdish on whether being a parent can turn you into a bit of a snob - for example:

Someone in the office complains that they had to get up early: 7am. They're visibly annoyed. "7am?!" you exclaim, incredulously. "I was up at 5. Try having kids, then 7am will seem like a lie-in!"

A friend who has stubbed her toe is still complaining of the pain half an hour later. "You think THAT hurts?" scalds my wife. "Try going through labour for 8 hours!"

A childless friend complains that the suitcase he's taking on holiday is bulky and difficult to carry. "Try being a parent," you sneer smugly. "Every time you leave the house you have to carry at lease five bags, as well as dealing with screaming kids."

...and so on.

I'm looking for your opinions on this so I can quote you in my piece - all feedback welcome! In the same vein, do you think on some level you feel that you underestimate the troubles of childless people if you have kids?

Ben xx

 

[Minchin]

Hey,
I'm not sure snob is the right word (although I prob am a bit of a snob but in a diff way!) I do catch myself doing the things you mention above and perhaps do, a little, think of the problems of my friends without kids as being (sometimes) easier to deal with. We chose to have kids though so we went into that choice knowing things would change!!! although nothing will ever prepare you for it!

One thing I do get is if my friends say they are skint (childless ones) cos often this is due to spending too much on going out getting pissed! We find it very hard trying to juggle life, jobs and childcare.

 

[Sarah13]

I think envy or jealousy is more the right words, as I'm jealous of my friends getting 8 hours sleep but wouldn't change it for the world esp when I get a great big smile at 4am after 2 hours of broken sleep!

 

[ft90]

This definitely happens!!! I'm only 21 so all my friends are still out partying etc... So I often hear (after a night out) "Oh I'm so tired..." And I find myself saying "I wish I could be tired from doing something that I enjoy, try having a baby with colic screaming at 4am!!!"

The worst thing is suitcases! One of my friends is going on holiday next week and she's moaning that she can't fit enough bikinis in her case. I couldn't stop myself from telling her about my 2 day family trip that needed a massive suitcase and a small case, as well as the changing bag!

AND I hate it when people moan at my boyfriend and I about being late! Don't think they realise that we have a baby to sort out beforehand. We have to change and feed him then leave immediately, if not, he'll need changing again, then he'll start to get hungry and the whole process starts again!

As far as underestimating the troubles of childless people, I don't know if there's much to underestimate! Before I had a baby I could pop to the shop at 2am for a bottle of Coke, or arrange in the morning what to do in the afternoon, or go out for lunch, wear something and not have to worry if it had dribble on it... And I had nothing to spend my money on but clothes, shoes and bags!!!

Xx

 

[ft90]

Hahaha don't get me wrong, I love my little boy more than anything in the world, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'd give up everything for him! But he doesn't half cause trouble!!!

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I dont think those things make you a snob, i think they make you realistic

 

[xxbeckyxx]

I don't complain in the way you suggest, or use my baby to sound like a martyr, but I have definitely become more of a snob in the traditional way.
I'm so aware of the type of upbringing I want Lizzie to have, the type of people I want us to mix with as a family, the type of things OH gets up to...it's a nightmare!
I used to be very 'live and let live', but if one of my friends wants to party all weekend and get stoned every evening then I kind of don't want to be around that any more because I don't want any of that associated with me (and my family). That sounds awful, but yes - I am a snob!

 

[mikid]

I don't complain in the way you suggest, or use my baby to sound like a martyr, but I have definitely become more of a snob in the traditional way.
I'm so aware of the type of upbringing I want Lizzie to have, the type of people I want us to mix with as a family, the type of things OH gets up to...it's a nightmare!
I used to be very 'live and let live', but if one of my friends wants to party all weekend and get stoned every evening then I kind of don't want to be around that any more because I don't want any of that associated with me (and my family). That sounds awful, but yes - I am a snob!

Completely agree, don't really find myself saying the things suggested, but definitely a snob in this way... What food I feed my baby, the people I want us to associate with, places we go. I just feel that she deserves the best that I can possibly give her and if wanting her to eat good wholesome foods, play with respectful families who don't f and blind infront of little ones, in parks that aren't littered with beer cans etc makes me a snob... Bring it on!

 

[ft90]

I don't complain in the way you suggest, or use my baby to sound like a martyr, but I have definitely become more of a snob in the traditional way.
I'm so aware of the type of upbringing I want Lizzie to have, the type of people I want us to mix with as a family, the type of things OH gets up to...it's a nightmare!
I used to be very 'live and let live', but if one of my friends wants to party all weekend and get stoned every evening then I kind of don't want to be around that any more because I don't want any of that associated with me (and my family). That sounds awful, but yes - I am a snob!

Hear, hear!

I've got so much more fussy about what OH does now, I've banned one of his friends from ever coming in contact with LO because I think he's despicable!

Caleb is only 7 weeks and I'm trying to decide what school catchment area to move to because I don't want him going to certain schools because of the standards...

Really don't think that's a bad thing at all, we want our kids to grow up well with people we like around them, that's only natural xx

 

[ippa]

I find I look at people with children in the streets and places so differently! I find myself saying to Matthew 'you better not turn out like that!'

Also I hate when people are smoking in the street now, they all seem to walk directly in front of my buggy and the smoke goes straight in! So obviously I move, while making some comment loud enough for the smoker to hear!
XxX

Sent from my HTC Wildfire S A510e using Tapatalk

 

[evie_smith]

I don't remark as above - however I think 90% of the people I even talk to now have kids ... There is a majority of people i don't talk to any more or wont allow round the house because my kids are here - other wise i tell others them they can come around when my kids are in bed - not only can I talk to them without constantly running after my kids but some friends have kids and it's nice to relax without them for a bit. Also in a "snob-ish" way if my friends are around after the kids are in bed I can devote my whole time to my kids not split up and having other peoples kids around my own sometimes I do thing "oh god don't copy her!" (Groan moan) so yes I do judge other people's parenting and their children's behaviour around my own and my home. I don't give my children many sweets or crisps as I think they are unnesisary - their nan brings them over however so they don't "miss out" but I can be quite "snob-ish" with what they eat - how much activity they do, who they spend their time with - I've just moved opposite a school that has the best grades pass level and a levels as a stay on if wanted in my area and my yongest is 1!

I wouldn't say I judge but if someone is around me and says for example "urgh I have a book to read and no time to do it in" and they haven't got kids and a part time job - then for example I think they need a wake up call but I don't look down on them I just think - wait untill you have kids!