Do grandparents ever realise it's not their baby?

[CDx]

Weve just had MIL down for a visit this weekend, she lives up north and this was her second time visiting my son who is 3 weeks old, at first she asked if she could stay (she used to everytime she was down before our spare room was turned into a nursery) and sleep on the sofa or a blow up mattress in the living room - luckily OH told her there was no chance we are still finding our feet and having someone in the living room is the last thing we need.

She means well (I think) and her heart is in the right place but my god does she get on my nerves!

Anytime she wasn't holding the baby she was like a shadow of who was or if we put him down to sleep somehow his moses basket or baby beanbag ended up right beside her - OH said she needed to give him some space but she just ignored that because she likes to look at him. I went to change his nappy up in his room and she soon followed standing over me, I felt like she was checking to make sure I was doing it right. My son has had a bit of nappy rash and she said "I've never known a baby as young as him to have it" which totally got my back up as I felt she was insinuating that it was my fault!

Then she was standing over me as I was cleaning and sterilising his bottles. He was due a feed so I was making a bottle in our perfect prep machine and she just had to see how this worked. She started questioning me about the water in the machine and how she thinks it should be cleared out and changed every day - just her opinion of course! I explained the machine filters the water so there is no need for that again I felt a bit undermined and like she felt she knew better.

The thing that irritated me most though was every time she changed his nappy he would come down with a whole new outfit on that she had chosen, now he's a little boy I know he loves to pee as soon as his nappy is off but an accident every time is she just really unlucky or does she not like what I put on him? Then once I changed him and he needed a whole outfit change she told me I should really try to cover his wee man with a bit of tissue or something to try to catch it as if I didn't already know that.

Will she ever just step back and realise its her sons son not her baby and let us be parents instead of barging in, trying to take over the care of my son and thinking she knows best when her youngest is almost 27? Sorry just needed a rant - felt good to get all that out.

 

[babyslog]

Haha aww hun!!
I'd like to say it gets easier. But it doesnt with the grandparents!!
My mums not to bad, she'll say thibgs but as its my mum i can tell her to butt out lol, or shell say sorry, i cant help it its just mothering instinct! Lol

But my inlaws arghhhhh... Annoying has HELL! They also like to compare noah whos 2 in july to OHs neice whos 4!? 2yrs gap ffs yet the question his ability to say X amount of words etc.


Try and rise above it hun, i just ignore most of what they 'suggest' lol xx

 

[kitten2014]

HI CDx OMG the staying over thing is exactly like my own Mum! She does live in France so you can see why she thinks this but when was 24wks on Xmas day had an argument with her saying when she visits she'll have to find somewhere to stay and that now the nursery is taking up the spare room she wont be able to stay over ever again - seemed pretty clear to me but no an email, a phonecall and a discussion face to face was required...then after visiting last week (saying with friends phew!) and being absolutely brilliant at not stepping on our toes and following our lead she then talks about next trip in October and is shocked when say again she cant stay over! she doesnt get it at all and so again (face to face this time) had to say Mum those days are gone, staying over just isnt an option any longer even if there is floor space in lounge cos like you said you need the space for living hence why its called a living room...anyway lets see how many times I have to repeat myself and what format they are delivered in lol...

Mums eh - to be fair to her though she didnt do any of the other things you mentioned, in fact she watched a nappy change as she was curious about disposables as she used cloth nappies and she also fed her once and held her...the main thing I had to refrain from saying was about the state of her fingernails...she has a gardening business and has long nails - go figure! therefore constantly ingrained with dirt and kept wincing when she was touching Phoebe's face but like I say I resisted...thank goodness was only 4 days!

 

[Toni.C]

I think it might just be a MIL thing. I won't even start on mine.

 

[Mrs M]

My dad was like that when dd was first born! Not cos he wanted to do anything with her, he just needed to look at her all the time! They novelty did wear off though and he was not like that all when I had ds! Ha ha!

 

[Niknaknoo]

Mine aren't too bad, my mum is great actually but my MIL can get a bit much. He was quite colicky at first but we have it under control now so every time he cries she says oh have you got a sore tummy? But he doesn't anymore! It's only a small thing but it drives me mad!! Thankfully they live close enough that it's only a few hours at a time but far enough away it's only one or twice a week.

 

[littlemonkey]

Everyone has someone they know like this! The best thing to do is ignore them and don't let them undmine you or get under your skin. Smile, nod and breath!!

 

[H16]

LOL this made me chuckle, I think they are all like that to a point hun. My MIL did my head in when LO was born as she would turn up all hours every day of the week and try and takeover bottle feeding etc when we were trying to bond which drove me nuts. Then she was trying to take her out on her own when she was 8 days old so I had to put my foot down. Also now we have a new house she seems to think that sleeping on our sofa or on the floor in LO room is an acceptable suggestion for when she visits. I put my foot down and said to OH no way is that happening, LO needs her space and peace to sleep and I am 6 months pregnant and do not want someone sleeping on my sofa/floor and having to tip to around - what is wrong with a cheap hotel for the night? She only lives 50 min away not like she couldn't just go home anyway!

My parents are a whole different kettle of fish. We lived with them from LO being 3 months right up until she was 16 months old (she is now 18 months) so they got rather more attached than the norm but they have been great with her and very helpful to us in a time of need so I can't knock them. Just sometimes the boundaries would become a bit blurred over who is parent e.g. Dad would have a go at me if I spent day alone with LO and moan he hadn't seen her all day - well sorry for wanting quality alone time with my own child! Also he kept calling my mum "mum" and him "dad" when talking to LO by accident and it really upset me and I had to tell him REPEATEDLY not to. Other than that no massive complaints though x

 

[Rooster30]

Aren't MILs great?! Saying that, mine is being okay at the moment! They've scrapped overnighters now and just do day trips which makes my life much easier! They were, to their credit very good when they came to visit our daughter. They played with our son and didn't ignore him and even took him out for a walk whilst I slept and OH looked after baby.

No complaints with mine... so far!

 

[Cakey]

Oh gosh mine is so jealous and possessive. She has to sit right next to him and god forbid anyone but her holds him! My FIL works away in the week whereas she can see him anytime, so on Sunday night they came round. I got Oscar to settle and gave him to FIL to hold and MIL just gave me a death stare. Seriously wtf lady, he's not yours!! As you can tell I can really empathise lol xx

 

[Durhamchance]

My MIL is great now, but it's all come flooding back! She used to drive me nuts saying that my boy had wind ALL THE TIME it was her excuse to walk around with him on her shoulder singing lullabies I used to silently curse him if he burped lol!

When my LB was about three weeks old MIL and FIL came over to visit just after we had got him to go to sleep after several hours of crying and we explained this to them. FIL was very obviously put out and was muttering to himself about coming to visit and baby being asleep (they only live 20 mins away). I then witnessed him walk past the Moses basket and 'trip' knocking the stand and waking our baby. Which resulted in "now he's awake we can have cuddles!" I was livid!

 

[H16]

My MIL is great now, but it's all come flooding back! She used to drive me nuts saying that my boy had wind ALL THE TIME it was her excuse to walk around with him on her shoulder singing lullabies I used to silently curse him if he burped lol!

When my LB was about three weeks old MIL and FIL came over to visit just after we had got him to go to sleep after several hours of crying and we explained this to them. FIL was very obviously put out and was muttering to himself about coming to visit and baby being asleep (they only live 20 mins away). I then witnessed him walk past the Moses basket and 'trip' knocking the stand and waking our baby. Which resulted in "now he's awake we can have cuddles!" I was livid!

I have had that one from MIL before (waking baby on purpose), makes your blood boil as you are the one that gets left to try and get an overtired baby back to sleep when they decide to go home again! Grrr! x

 

[littlemonkey]

I remember this post from when I had my eldest and it's stuck in my mind ever since
.
http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2012/7/6/monkey-baby.html

 

[H16]

LMAO love it x

 

[kittyrooroo]

OH's parents are far too busy with their own social lives to help look after our LO, ever.
But whenever we pop over for a visit (they never visit us) of course they know best about EVERYTHING.

I've learnt to just tune it out and give me opinion straight back!

But in short, no it doesnt get any better! xxx

 

[Taboo917]

This thread has made me feel SO much better! We live 5mins away from both sets of in laws (DH parents are divorced and remarried) while my parents live in London (were in Edinburgh).

No issues with my mum even when she came to stay for 2 weeks (admittedly in a hotel!) But my DHs mum. OMG! I was combi feeding for a while expressed and formula milk as I had loads of issues BFing (infected nipple - grim!) and she would always try and take the bottle from me to feed Caleb. I was really upset BFing wasn't working out and quite protective of me being the only one to feed him but she showed no concern about that at all and is now quite clearly annoyed I'm back exclusively BFing so comments if he cries not long after a feed-oh he clearly didn't get enough, must still be hungry which given all the issues is extremely insensitive!
She's also obsessed with him having wind-he had a bit of an issue with wind when he was younger but is absolutely fine now we've stopped giving him infacol and everything but every time he grumbles, "oh have you got a poorly tummy"! She also never believes me when I say he's hungry-he's taken to feeding little and often, he'll only feed for 5/10mins at a time but wants it every hour and a half/2 hours. Even when he's turning into her chest and eating her jumper she'll say "you can't possibly be hungry already!" Well yes, yes he can!
She's also desperate for us to go out so she can babysit and doesn't seem to understand that at the moment I'm absolutely fine being with Caleb all the time and I'll let her know when I want some free time! I actually try and avoid seeing her at all costs which is a bit unfair but I spend the whole time feeling infuriated and then come away wondering if I'm a crap mum!

 

[girly2007]

I can't bring myself to type the essay that would describe my mil. Let's all make a pact to be the best mil in the world when ours grow up!! Xxx

 

[H16]

Here, here girly! X

 

[Pumpkin9]

I second, third and fifth that lol

 

[MissyAK]

My MIL kept asking how many times my LO woke during the night, at 5 weeks old you would expect quite a bit and she said to me, you need to make him drink more milk he'll sleep through the night... I was left thinking wtf, how can I force my child to drink more! I was BFing at that time, so he was taking as much as he needed!