Disappointed with in-laws........

[Fiona]

I feel really disappointed with my in-laws attitude towards Grace.
DH and I tried for many years for a baby and were so thrilled when I fell pregnant with Grace, she is very special to us and I thought DH parents would feel the same.

Both my parents have died and so Grace only has one set of Grandparents to love her. We live about 1 1/2 car ride from them. They came down for a few days the first weekend that I had Grace home and since then haven't been down at all. Event though I keep inviting them down to a holiday. They have both just retired, are fit and healthy and more than able to travel. We have taken Grace up 3 times to see them.

When Grace was first born they bought her a small teddy and also gave us £50 for her bank account. Since then nothing... it isn't that I want them to spend loads of money on her, but you would have thought now and again they might want to spoil her with a toy or a dress. And even more importantly that they would want to be more a part of her life and see her regularly.

I really miss my mum and dad, especially since Grace has been born and I don't want her to miss out on her grandparents. They have 3 other grandchildren who are older and live nearer them who they see all the time,

I always try to keep them upto date with Grace and phone when I have her weighed or she has done something new and even called them this week to let them hear her chatting away to herself...... I send photos nearly ever week......... We have even had a photo frame with grace's hand and footpritns made and given to them....

sorry to rant on, I guess I just feel let down. DH says that it doesn't matter as we have lots of other friends who love her and spoil her.... but just think it would be lovely if her Grandparents would pay her a bit more attention.

rant rant rant rant

 

[NIE]

It must make you feel quite down. You are certainly doing your bit by keeping them up to date with what's happening in Graces's life. How does your OH feel about his parents behaviour? xx

 

[libs]

The grand children who live near them and they see all the time - do they visit them or do the grandchildren come to their house? My mum doesn't visit any of us - she had a nightmare when we were little with her parents virtually living at our house, but her door is always open to us. The grandchildren who live locally are in and out all the time, either with us when little or alone (like my DS who is 13) BTW - my parents live within 2 streets of all of us - except one sister. She felt that her child was left out - becuase she didn't visit as often (she lives 10 mins drive away) It certainly wasn't intentional by my Mumand now my sister has realised she just drops in. Mum looks after her daughter for a couple of days now too.

As for the gifts - they may just be the sort of people who don't believe in giving gifts for no reason and prefer to keep it for birthdays/christmas. Do they buy the other grandchildren gifts all the time - if not, they may just be being fair in their eyes.

 

[Squiglet]

I kinda grew up like that. There was only my dad's parents who were still alive when I was born. We originally lived in London and my grandparents lived in Southampton. And they were fit and healthy, had a car, so it wasn't like it was too difficult for them to come and see me, but they never did. Then we moved to the Isle of Wight so we were extememly close and they never ever came to see us there. At first there was more contact as my mother was TTCing for another baby but just kept having miscarriages and was in and out of hospital. I was sent to stay with them, but it was obvious my Grandmother resented me being there. As time went on and especially after my grandfather died, the contact became less and less. Yet with my cousin, she was there for him and his kids all the time. She doesn't even have a picture of my daughter in her house, but my cousins kids are everywhere.

I got married in December and my Grandmother couldn't even be bothered to send me a card or a present and she never came or called. Now another aunt on my mothers side came all the way to Spain for the wedding and she is wheelchair bound and incontient and needs full time care...but she came. and what was my grandmother's excuse...she actually said she couldn't be bothered. What hurts me isn't that she didn't come (I didn't want her there anyway) but my dad, whos lovely, was so very upset.

At the end of the day there is no love loss between me and my grandmother. My parents saw her this week, and she has taken a turn for the worst in May and it looks like she's on her last legs...personally (and I know it sounds bad, but she has treated me and my dad badly all my life for no reason) but I am kinda hoping she passes near the end of this year, I will be around 30+ weeks pregnant and have a perfect excuse not to travel to the funeral.

You're daughter may miss out on having grandparents Fiona, but there's nothing that you can do to make your in laws have more interest in your child, my parents really tried everything. Its their loss. And I don't miss what I never had. My DH has fantastic grandparents (not that I can speak to one set as they can only speak Finnish) but they make me feel loved and welcome. My grandmother couldn't care less about this baby being born, but my DH's family are thrilled. I am sure your daughter will find all the love she needs from your friends and other relatives and most importantly yourselves, I certainly did...

 

[SarahH]

I know how you feel hun... my mum is no longer with us and my dad - well he's a waste of space - he lives 20min drive from me and my inlaws (who live in the states - 9hrs flight) have prob seen Arianna more than he has.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Im so sorry that your in laws are not turning out to be the grand parents you expected them to. Why not phone them and have achat?

I homestly dont know what to suggest as I live with my MIL and she treats all her grandchildren the same and each new one she gets is ablessing.

 

[bobtheunfortunateone]

I don't get it either! My Mum lives 10 mins away and says she will pop over, then never does. She is good with him when they are together, but thats up to me to take him. (My mum never wanted me, so I put it down to that?) My M IL lives abroad, she loves him to bits but seems to forget to send him Birthday or Christmas presents (Says she will get him something, never happens!) She has sent bits over, but I am sure she spoils her other grandchild who she has never met! My Dad and Step mum, make up for it all! They love him to bits. My Step mum is suffering from depression and she still lights up when she sees him, never short of kisses from that side and my half brothers! where as my Brother in law, said he didn't want photos of him, and never acknowledged him, sent all the photos back and would not except anything from us for there baby!

Familys are weird! We just say he is our responsability and he will never be short of kisses, hugs and love from us!