Coping with stress in late pregnancy

[lisa1985]

I am 32 weeks pregnant and having a really tough time at the moment. My father in law suddenly passed away 2 weeks ago and my OH is devastated and depressed. First week after it happened I took the week off work to look after him and his mum, but I have now had to return to a 40 hour week in a really stressful dental practice, were the staff are unreliable, so I am having to cover extra work, as well as attending all my ante natal appointments, clean the house, try and look after myself/baby/OH etc. I am feeling so overwhelmed with everything, also we have so much still to sort for baby, including decorating the nursery and having a new boiler fitted. My OH is trying his best, but he is in a bubble of grief and I am feeling very alone. I also feels so guilty as I am stuck between grieving for my FIL and feeling excited about having a baby. I am obviously totally gutted also that our baby will not meet it's grandad. Saw midwife today who mentioned getting signed off if feeling really low, but we are so short staffed right now and people are constantly calling in sick, I only have 3 weeks left until annual leave/maternity.

 

[MrsTLC]

Stop trying to be superwoman and take some time out to just concentrate on you. Don't worry about things like the nursery, you probably won't be using it at all for 6 months after baby has arrived anyway as baby will bunk in with you. Just do the stuff that needs doing now and worry about the stuff that needs doing later, later. Your works lack of staff is not your problem... If you had developed a physical problem that made work difficult, you wouldn't be worried about taking time off sick, a problem with your mood/ stress, so look after yourself... Not only that, but stress can manifest itself into physical problems like high bp etc which is obviously not good for you or baby.
Feel excited about baby. The world doesn't stop for grief and its perfectly acceptable to feel 2 highly contrasting emotions at the same time... It is an exciting time despite all that is happening.

 

[mylullaby]

Honestly I would get signed off sick even if it's just for a week. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Can't imagine how hard it must be for you trying to stay strong for oh while also grieving yourself, carrying a baby and trying to juggle the demands of what sounds like an incredibly stressful work life. You can't possibly do it all hun. Something has to give. What would you rather that was?! Your mental wellbeing? Your baby's wellbeing? Or your job? Because honestly however hard you work and however much you love your job, it really isn't worth it. You need to take some time out from the chaos of that job for the sake of yourself, your poor oh and your baby (which will provide some much-needed joy at a time of such sadness for your family). I'm so sad to read your post because I can't even imagine losing my father in law right now. Must be so hard for you all right now. Be kind to yourself lovely xxx

 

[kellylou]

Oh I'm sorry for your loss. Do u have any friends or family that could help with things? Any friends that could help decorate? You have to look after yourself as well don't stress too much about getting things done, have you spoken to work about your situation and can they draft some additional help? Is getting signed off an option?

 

[kumber]

I agree wity the other girls, it needs to be your baby > your physical and mental wellbeig > your husband > work. Sod work, if they can't find the staff then that is their problem, not yours. If you can get signed off sick, do - you need to look after yourself as your husband is unable to support you properly at such a difficult time for him. As someone else said, stop trying to be superwoman because you're the only person it's going to negatively affect and that's not fair on you or bubs.

 

[JillMcCoy]

I agree with everyone and had a similar thing with stress. My husband has been ill this year, how we fell pregnant after four years of trying is beyond us! My boss was so supportive until my colleague returned from maternity making my working life hell. I spoke to the doc about it and he was rather worried that with me trying to do it all ie look after husband, work, alcoholic inlaws as well as me and bump that I was at risk of developing prenatal depression. I have been off 2 weeks now, nursery isn't done washing I'd still piled up but I feel 100% better for cutting the only thing that I could. Go speak to your doctor and really let yourself be as honest as possible with them and take time off. It's very important at this stage to keep yourself well xx

 

[Lucylastic]

You need to think about you & baby. Works only work, family is always more important. Think about it, are work as worried about you as you are about them? You have to do what is best. I'm having an awful day today. Nothing on par with what you have had to deal with but just feel physically and mentally drained. Been crying most of the morning over things that need to be done but I just don't have the capacity to do so I feel useless. Then I cry because I'm stressing the baby & I feel awful about that. I'm taking it out on other people too & that makes me feel bad as well. Just gonna write today off now I reckon x

 

[theshipscat]

I agree with what everyone has said. Take the time out if you need it lovely. Also you might want go consider some counselling. I have a very poorly mentally ill mum and I am on the waiting list for sone when baby comes. It is hard enough being the strong one for others, even without being pregnant. Focus on looking after yourself and your little one. Your other half will be ok with time and I'm sure your support is helping loads. Xxx

 

[lisa1985]

Thank you so much ladies, is really nice to have support here. Work really isn't that important to me at the moment, I will see how i feel tomorrow and decide whether to call in sick, then call dr to see what they suggest with regards to getting signed off. I am in agony with my back pain today, so that isn't helping things. My OH is signed off until 12/11 so may be good to spend some time looking after him and myself/baby. Thank you again xxx