confused

[pixie17]

im really upset, confused and just dont know what to think. just had an argument with OH. we live abroad at the moment and we have arranged to go back to the uk this weekend for 3 days. i suggested that we use this time to go baby gadget shopping as neither of us really know what we need to buy and there wont be a problem with the language etc. OH agreed but seemed to think that we could get this done in a couple of hours. i was gobsmacked. we are there for the whole day saturday and the whole day sunday. we have arranged to see family and friends separatley on the saturday night but the rest of the time i thought we would be spending doing baby shopping. not so. he is going out drinking with his friends on the saturday night and therefore sunday will be a no go as he will be hung over and not wanting to do anything. i could live with this if we spent most of saturday shopping however he is now on about being out the door shopping by 9am and finished early afternoon. i am really pi**ed off. i had a go saying that baby shopping should be his priority not drinking with his mates. this not only made me feel like some nagging wife but he also then accused me of saying that he didnt care. aaaargh!! am i being unreasonable??

i have had an issue with him going out lately. he seems to want to 'make the most of it' before the baby is born because he is mroe than aware that things are going to change and he wont be able to go out so much. i was ok with this to begin with but he seems to be going to excess and i am feeling as though he is wanting to get away from me. im upset cause i dont feel he is 'with me' on having this baby, like we are on different levels. i am not a bunny boiler, i encourage both of us to have free independance (while staying faithful) but i feel like i am being deserted. anyone else had this?

 

[isobel84]

i think i would be ok with him going out. can soomeone in your family go babystuff browsing with you?

perhaps have a chat about him going out alot and as long as he will be there when the baby arrives, i would be ok with it aswell.
Its hard tho, i felt like you when i was pregnant, also just after our son was born i was devistated if he went out. Now i dont mind, i think u need to give them some freedom (and make sure u get it yourself) for it to work.
xxxx

 

[lesleyann23]

I'm guessing its ur first baby this probably won't help but have you considered that maybe he is scared he won't really know what to expect and avoiding it to an extent. It seems easier for us women in a way because carrying a baby makes it hard to ignore and avoid. I'm not excusing his behavior but might be worth having a chat about.

 

[Iriki]

TBH he'll be about as much use baby shopping as a bicycle is to a fish
Realistically, what do you think he's going to contribute to a discussion comparing one breast pump / steriliser / baby carrier to another.
Will he really be bothered about the colour of the pram???? Who is going to be the one spending most of their time listening / watching / responding to the baby monitor?? Is he bothered about what colour / style of baby furniture you have in the nursery?
If I was you, I would bring him to view / buy the things which you really need / want his opinion on.... And then enjoy having the freedom to take your time browsing and selecting all the other bits and pieces while he's otherwise engaged
Believe me the last thing you want is him clock watching or sighing over your shoulder while you're trying to make decisions on things..... And there will be a lot of things that he honestly won't have an opinion on or preference for or even know what half of them are for!!
My suggestion would be to meet him half way, that way it'll be a much more enjoyable trip/ experience for both of you .

 

[pixie17]

i suppose i am a scared that its a sign of things to come. i do not want to be one of those women who does everything and their OH's dont do their fair share. its a real fear i have. maybe i am being over hormonal? i dont know.

 

[isobel84]

i think just let him know u expect him to help out and when baby is here, let him do it. dont tell him what to do unless he ask you and dont take ove. let him bond and he will soon want to spend more time home its tough tho.
try to get it in to a routine from the start that he do surtan things like perhaps get the baby ready for night, the bath or something. Show him you trust him to be on his own with the baby, dont let him get comfort not doing anything and he wont

and if he want to go out clubbing then 1-2 times a month is absolutly fine plus seing his mates now n again. xx

 

[Geminiblue]

I wouldnt like to go shopping all afternoon either to be honest and I dont think its unreasonable of him to want to spend some time with friends when he's home. Its a healthy balance and he's right you wont get much time to yourselves when the baby is here. Can you not spend the morning shopping with him or looking for things and then get a family member or girlfriend to hang out in the afternoon? You could have a nice lunch and a catch up x

 

[Geminiblue]

....and you have to just go with the flow when the baby arrives, remember men arent carrying the baby we are so bonding doesnt happen for them generally until after the baby is born. Men are very visual so they need to see to feel if that makes sense. Not all men are like this just some x

 

[tinselcat]

My OH always seems to think that shopping trips should take 1/8th of the time that I would allow for them! I think it's a common man thing. Maybe you could meet up with some girlfriends when you're here and go baby-thing-shopping with them during that time?

xx

 

[l_maclean]

My OH is useless at shopping - wants to be in and out as quickly as possible.

I'll also admit that I'm the more sociable one in our relationship and I've been put loads recently, in October I have plans for every weekend, cos I know it's not gonna happen at all soon.

Is there anyway you could compromise? Like take someone else shopping with you on the sat to do the browsing and then take him for final decisions on the Sunday. Maybe if you said to him before he goes out that you don't mind him going, but you're going to need his help on Sunday could he limit the drink just a bit to avoid a hangover. That way he still gets to see his mates.


Xxx