Confused by hubby

[Saski1234]

Didn't really know where to post this thread as after some advice.
I had a m/c before xmas and have started ttc again. But last night my hubby decided to tell me that he wasn't now sure if he wants us to have another abay or not, and he couldn't tell me why. Do you think it could be because i had m/c and he is scared of it happening again.
I wouldn't mind talking to him about it but he tends to just bottle things up and not say anything also it was a bad year for him last year as he lost his dad to cancer.
Anyone got any thoughts on his change of mind or what I cando to convince him ottherwise.
Sarah x

 

[smurf]

Its very likely that's the reason hun maybe he just needs a little bit more time what about suggesting to him that you don't really try but don't try not to either but make sure you keep track of your dates etc. - I had a mc back in May last year and my DH was terrified of it happening again and was a bit reluctant to try again but I told him that the statistics are on our side and it worked.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Hi hun, sorry to hear your going through this confusion!

It does sound to me like he is scared, if he lost his father and then a baby in such a short space of time - maybe it hurt him a lot more than he let on (as is usual for most men!) and he doesnt want to risk that loss again. If he says he cant explain it its probably because he is having trouble admitting to himself why he feels like this.

Id sit him down and say that you are prepared to take a month off trying while he figures out how he feels about things, after which you can both re-asses the situation.

Once the pressure is off he will be more able to deal with these negative emotions and figure out why he feels like this, and may even open up to you about it. Its important to be patient though, give him the month without any mention of babies or cycles, let him come back to the wanting a baby in his own time.

I learned a really neat trick for getting a guy to open up, maybe you could try it.

Sit opposite him and take both his hands in yours, stroke them lightly then look him in the eyes and say something like "please tell me whats on your mind" but softly and not in a demanding way.

Theres something about the hand holding that makes them feel safe and secure enough to open up.

Whatever you do I wish you all the best, please keep us informed!

 

[Nicola]

I'm in agreement, I think he's frightened about another loss especially after loosing his dad then a baby in the one year, it's a lot to cope with. My DH lost his Mum in April 2005, as we approached April '06 things got a little tense in the house again, it past as summer came around but heading into March next week it's drawing close again and I'm sure he's getting touchy about things once more. It's a lot to go through I've never lost a parent but OMG can't imagine what it would feel like...devistating, then a baby too, I'd not cope with that what so ever. How about a month off, enjoy time together then the old not trying, not preventing in a month or two type thing. Just keep track of your dates and don't inform DH that it's ovulation time etc!! It might just stress him out again. Hugs!!

 

[Redshoes]

I'm sure only he knows whats changed his mind Saski1234, and with everything you've been through together already, I am sure if you give him some time, he will talk to you about his feelings, just let him know you're there and want to know what's going on for him.

Very best wishes with whatever you decide to do together, I hope you can agree and be happy