Can I do it????

[Ruthie2801]

Hi there, I'm 27 soon to be 28 and for the past few years have started to think about wanting a baby. The past couple of years, the want has become more so, recently my best friend has had a baby, as you can imagine, this has made my feelings increase.

In May I brought my own flat, have a very secure job and loving parents. One problem I'm single! Always have been and can't see things changing now.

Am I selfish to want to bring a baby into my life? The major part that worries me is affording it, though quite a few people have said if you wait till you can, you'd never do it.

On return to work, childcare would be an issue, but I would need to speak to my mum with regards to care.

Obviously there also remains the lack of sperm, though I have a couple of gay friends who I thought of asking, if they wanted to be a part of the babies life all the better.

A few have said, ah wait a bit, you'll meet someone.... but you never can be sure.... when do you draw the line???

Am I so far from it I'm being unrealistic????

 

[Ruthie2801]

Can anyone offer any advice?

 

[Kezzamunster]

Hey Ruthie
Thought I would say "Hi" & welcome to the forum
I think you should do what will make you happy hun, only you know what will be right for you
I know it isn't the greatest advice tbh but didn't want to read & run
xxx

 

[Mummy2Adam]

Hi Ruthie, welcome to pf
I think if its what you want and its going to make you happy then go for it hun.
As for the money, childcare issues ect, you cope and people will be happy to help.
Goodluck in what you decide and keep us posted x x


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Ruthie2801]

Thanks for the replys.

i have spoken to my mum and she is more than happy to support me.

I suppose time will tell, I need to approach my friend I don't see him very much, so it;s about timing.

I'm going to start to prepare, maybe buy a pack of nappies e.t.c every week I go shopping and start to build everything up, so it's not such a big shock on the bank account.

If my friend doesn't want to help. Do they offer sperm donation on the NHS?

I can't find anything on the net supporting this, it all seems to be private, which i can't afford.

Thanks again.

 

[LouiseB]

Hiya Ruthie

You know... i'm not sure you are going about it the right way.

I kind of wonder if it would be better to search for someone and be open about what you want - you want someone who wants to be a father but doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

There has to be a straight like minded man out there that you can feel comfortable having sex with until you get pregnant and then you can raise the child like a divorced couple might.

Nothing wrong with using your gay friends, but i think they should be doing it because they also want a child rather than doing it just to give you a baby.

I just think it is good for a child to have both parents in it's life if at all possible.

There is a women that lives a few doors down from my parents and she sounds so like you. She just was never the relationship type and wanted a child and got a friend to help her out although he was to have nothing to do with it.

She had a little boy and i don't know if it would have been better if she had a daughter, but this little boy - well he's not so little anymore! - has always had issues.

It might be us as onlookers oversimplifying the situation - but he always seemed to us like he craved a father figure. He started calling my dad, "dad" and he would come knocking on the door just to talk to my dad.

He is about 14 now and he still akes a beeline for my dad if he seems him and he justs seems to want to spend some time with a man.

It breaks our heart to be honest.

 

[Ruthie2801]

A 'father' figure isn't an issue, I have plenty of men in my life and I'm not saying I don't want the doner to not play a part in the baby's life. I'm just willing to take this route, should the doner not wish to.

Finding somebody that I'm comfatable to have sex with untill I get pregnant, is certiainly not an issue, I can't have sex, so that would not even come in to it!

Thanks you for your opinion

 

[megsmeadow]

Hi Ruthie
I really don't see any problem with finding a donor who may or may not be part of your childs life. At least if your donor is gay you might not have the same difficulties with the relationship, and maybe two father figures!! If you feel now is the best time in your life to have children then go for it. It sounds as though you have a stable social support network and financially secure (well as secure as anyone can be these days), and really want a child. There are many babies conceived in lots of very different circumstances far worse off than being a single parent family. And who knows when you might meet Mr Right to have more babies with an expand your family.

 

[Applecider]

Ruthie think about it long and hard, if you were a child would you be happy growing up the way u are to bring up this child. If the answer is yes, yes yes then go for it!! You need to make sure ur GBF is 100% up for this. let us know what you decide xx