Bye Bye

[chellieboo]

Well it turns out that I'm not TTC anymore - unfortunately not because I've managed to get bfp but because it would appear that I am the only one in my marriage who is really trying. #

Despite what hubby says about really wanting to have a baby his actions recently speak volumes and I get the idea that he is not at all bothered.

We haven't had sex in over 3 weeks and despite the fact that it is most probably my fertile time at the moment he has literally just said he would rather play a game on his computer than BD.

So I'm gonna stop putting myself through all of this and resign myself to waiting till he takes the initiative to actively start trying again.

I'm soo gutted i could cry, but there's no point in me even thinking about it if its not what he wants as well.

So I guess i won't be coming on here anymore (after Sunday so I can say goodbye to all my friends).

I wish you all luck with BFPs

 

[Gem & Leland]

chellie noooooooooooooooooooooo ill miss you chick so much ! i dunno what to say , im speechless , i really am , oh god

 

[mum2be?]

OH hunny please dnt go, i need you around i will miss our chats

 

[Fingers crossed]

Aw . I hope you don't stay away too long, have you talked to him about it? Take care

 

[chellieboo]

I don't wanna go but I have to or I'll go crazy.

we had a major chat last night after our argument and I thought things were sorted, but what he says and what he does are two totally different things. I don't know what else I can do.

There is no point me continuing TTC if he doesn't want to make the effort as well, I can only ask him if he wants to BD and be turned down so many times before I find myself too upset to even speak.

I really will miss you all so much, but I just can't go on kidding myself, so I have to make a total break from this whole TTC thing.

For those of you that have my MSN I'm sure I'll be on there from time to time.

 

[Happybunny]

I am so sorry honey, it must be so frustrating and sad. Would getting some mediation, like counselling help sort this out?

Lots of hugs, I hope everything gets sorted
M
xx

 

[Gem & Leland]

its the sex for a reason thing , its a killer , im just lucky hubby doesnt have a high sex drive !

i hope that haven a break and getting things 'normal' again . he may just be having cold feet hun !? scarey thing thinkin about being parents !

hope it all calms down , i got ya number so u dont get away from me !

 

[moomoo192]

Chellieboo

i don't know you, i dont know a lot of people on here yet as i only made my 1st post on here last night but when i read what you'd put it was just like reading about myself when we started trying.

Men like the excitement NOT regimented sex as they see it, don't let him think/feel you need to BD cause the timing is right cause he'll feel 'used' and it'll make him back off more.

Have a casual talk with him and let him know you think its all getting too much and you think its best to 'back off' from the intensity of it all and take things in their stride and let nature take its course, of course you'll know when the timing is right and you can seduce him in a way he can't refuse even if he is in the middle of a game, its surprising what sort of things distract them KWIM and of course he'll be up for it cause he'll think there is no pressure on anymore.

As someone already said, kids are a big commitment and alot of men get scared whether they are doing the right thing or not, a lot don't get as involved as us women and so they just have the DTD part but like to feel they are in control and can say 'no' when it suits them, they don't see the rejection that us women feel all thru the ttc process, yes it hurts, it hurts like hell to be rejected, especially when its a crucial time but i found that made ttc take longer than ever just by the stress in itself wondering 'are we going to manage to even DTD let alone catch the eggie lol.

Relax both of you have fun and enjoy it, don't let it becomea chore cause thats what it will turn into, like i said as long as he feels relaxed, this will make you relax and you can get on with getting that timing spot on again.

My hubby only wanted 2 but i've always wanted 4, i NEVER in a million years thought i'd get 4 but we started trying again this feb, my dh is happy as long as i don't let it bopre him, y'know wear sexy revealing tops etc, do things on spur of the moment type of thing, well anyway he recently bought x-box and my god as soon as it was set up he did nothing but sit on his arse playing it, we hardly spoke let alone DTD but i managed to get a couple of times in and think/hope i am finally on my way to my BFP, i had a faint line the other day. When i told him i think i'm pregnant his reply was 'what?? already?? well i guess thats the sexy you over and done with then!! so its what they want, it will work you'll see. the more you stress the less likely it is to happen.

sorry it was a long post but i just don't want to see you throw it all in when you can turn things around for you, give it a try if nothing else

best of luck hun

Nikki

 

[mags]

Oh Chellieboo, I'm so sorry. I've only just joined this forum but I've really enjoyed reading your posts and being invited to your special omelette parties! I totally understand your despair at your OH's actions...I have been there myself. I have no doubt he loves you but the past few months of TTC have understandibly been very intense for the both of you and although you may not realise it (because as you said before, Hubby appears to be laid back about the whole thing)--he probably feels like a failure (like we usually do) every time it doesn't work out like you'd hoped. When people like us have difficulty TTC I honestly think it is THE hardest thing you can go through in a relationship with someone. It is SUCH an intense rollercoaster ride every month and it brings out emotions in us we never knew we had before. I just know you two will get through this and your deepest wish will come true for you. As much as you want to bash his man skull through that computer screen right now--hold onto him honey and remember this will pass. Maybe taking a little time off would do you both good, and when the 'pressure' is off, things just might happen...

 

[Becs]

PM for you Chellie, you brave sweet thingxx

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

oh hun

Men can be insensitve pigs sometimes, but I dont think its intentional, they just dont think the same way as us and dont realise how deeply we feel things and how we can read so much into little things.

You need to sit him down again and get a straight answer from him about his intentions. It may be the game playing is a form of escapism from the stress of TTC for him, and he doesnt know how else to deal with it.

I really hope you dont leave us and you can sort this out with him

 

[Mildly]

I'm sorry to hear that hun

I'm sure you and your OH will sort this out and you'll be back TTC before you know it

 

[nikkif]

Really sorry to hear you are going through this Hope you manage to get things sorted...

xx

 

[rachie29]

chellie.. really sorry you're leaving us....

I had the same issues with my OH at first.... he doesnt have a
particularly high sex drive so timing is key and when he turned me down i felt soo upset and rejected and that he didnt care.... so i stopped telling it was time. Instead i said to him that the pressure was causing a problem with us he obviously felt all i was interested in was sex so i am off the pill and thats all you need to know, if we catch we catch.... (not quite those exact words but you get my drift)

SInce then we've been fine, i instigate sex a lot around my fertile times, if he instigates it when its not i dont turn him away... its working for us...

there are time when i think we miss the window but thats also down to his job.... however i think he feels less pressure to perform and to be honest its easier for me too... i dont feel like i've let him down when af arrives..

Thats my story, i dont know if it helps or if it would be the right course of action for you.

either way i wish you allthe best and i hope you get your bfp.. you deserve it

 

[chellieboo]

Thanks for all your messages - you've made me feel very special which helps
a lot as all this has been getting me quite depressed recently.

I am definately taking a break from TTC until hubby and I get back on more solid ground.

Hope to be back one day.

Good luck all you TTCers xxxxx

 

[fothers]

Just saw this- sorry you re going through this- I hope you and hubby get things sorted out quickly and you are back with us soon.

I will miss you on here

 

[puppylove]

 

[skairdykat]

chellie.. really sorry you're leaving us....

I had the same issues with my OH at first.... he doesnt have a
particularly high sex drive so timing is key and when he turned me down i felt soo upset and rejected and that he didnt care.... so i stopped telling it was time. Instead i said to him that the pressure was causing a problem with us he obviously felt all i was interested in was sex so i am off the pill and thats all you need to know, if we catch we catch.... (not quite those exact words but you get my drift)

SInce then we've been fine, i instigate sex a lot around my fertile times, if he instigates it when its not i dont turn him away... its working for us...

there are time when i think we miss the window but thats also down to his job.... however i think he feels less pressure to perform and to be honest its easier for me too... i dont feel like i've let him down when af arrives..

Thats my story, i dont know if it helps or if it would be the right course of action for you.

either way i wish you allthe best and i hope you get your bfp.. you deserve it

I agree with what rachie29 has said. Just carry on making love as normal and then when you know it's the right time don't mention it to him and he'll not feel like your just making love for a reason so to speak.

Hope you get it sorted hun

 

[KJ]

Hi Chellieboo,

I'm so sorry to read this. I've been checking back on you and was really hoping you'd get your bfp soon.

I hope you and DH get things sorted really soon and that he'll want a baby as much as you do. I'm sure it'll sort itself out in the end. Men are sometimes a bit behind us when it comes to growing up!!

Love and hugs,

K.xxxxxx