Bad news for me AGAIN

[moss]

I was going to post this as an update about my waterbirth, but I can't find the original post. I'm a little all over the place right now because I just got this news in the last few minutes.

I was sure my flat was okay for the pool because I had called when I moved in to check it was safe for my fishtank. That's a lot smaller, obviously, but still pretty big and heavy. Anyway, the guy told me they had thousands of pounds of steel on the floor when it was being built, so a tank would be nothing.

Despite this, I wrote to the engineers again, just to be sure. Basically, I have been strongly advised against it. I have asked them to forward the message to the timber framing people for a second opinion (as they advised), but the structural engineer obviously knows what he is talking about. I had my heart set on this so much. It made me feel safe about giving birth. I realised I might have to be transferred if complications arose, but that was just a worse-case scenario, and wasn't likely. Now I am questioning my homebirth entirely. The water was to be my pain relief, as I don't tolerate morphine or entonox. I can't use my bathtub for several reasons- I can't get into it and it doesn't even come close to covering my body enough to make a difference.

I feel like I should just give up on this and go to the hospital and have an epidural. I know that sounds extreme but I seriously only felt confident about giving birth when I thought I would be able to have a waterbirth.

I feel cursed.

 

[moss]

Not here.

 

[moss]

That's why I wanted a full pool delivery. It does make a difference then. I have spoken to a lot of people who have had waterbirths and this was definitely the right decision for me. Sorry, I don't think I will be talked out of this. I am absolutely dreading having this baby now. (Not having them after, just actually giving birth.)

 

[HideiLu]

As much as I wanted the water for me too to help me move about with the SPD and arthritis....the home birth was about a lot more than just that.

We're not getting a pool, as a. have seen a lot of women finding it only useful to a point and b. I don't want the worry of filling it up etc.

Just being at home is enough for me and to be comfortable.

Try to focus on the positive parts still

 

[nutcase109]

Hi Im so sorry about your setback, but dont despair! You can usually always take your own blow up pool to the hospital! I know because Ive been wanting a pool birth too, and contacted the midwives and the hospital (incase I change mind at last minute / get transferred) and they are more than happy for patients to bring their own blow up pool in case the hospital one is busy. You have to bring your own hose etc to fill it up though I would expect! But check with them! Im sure it will be fine and may solve your problem! xx

 

[aramintalovegrove]

If you are set on water is there someone elses home you can use? Nut case has a good idea I think I will steal that as I want a water birth but in the hospital.

TBH I had never even considered the fact that the weight might be too much for the buildings structure.

 

[moss]

I had looked into bringing a pool to the hospital, but there are only a couple of hospital midwives trained for waterbirths here, so they don't allow anyone to bring one. It's a baby factory at my hospital, basically! I saw photos because it's too busy to give tours, and I have asked a lot of questions and it sounds like a Brave New World nightmare to me, basically. It looks like one... I work here, I should know!

Anyway, I just spoke to one of the midwives. We had a long talk (for a call at work) and she was reassuring, in a way. I'm really confused. There is a more community style unit not too far away (maybe 20 miles?) with pools and things. She described it as "too candley and bedspready" for her taste. Anyway, she said it might be something we want to think about. We don't drive, though, and I get horrible reactions when I get into a taxi these days, but I'll think about it.

I just wanted to be home and not have to worry about travelling. Sorry I'm all over the place and snippy... I just got this news and have to sit in work and stew over it.

About someone else's home... I've not lived here for long and don't know anyone who lives in a house or ground floor flat... No one well enough to ask that kind of favour of, anyway!

 

[bunnymom1980]

Sorry things haven't worked out for your home birth. The birthing centre sounds a good idea though as a second choice. Are you going to go have a look round?

 

[moss]

I'm going to try to have a look around the centre, but I'm having a party on Saturday, getting a midwife visit on Sunday, work until Wednesday, then I will be 38.5 weeks! I can't believe all of this had to happen at the last minute like this. Grrr... It's always the way with me!

 

[Chrissy1]

that's rubbish news hun. I bet you're gutted.

As someone else suggested do you have a friend or relatives home you could use for the birth???

If not the birthing centre sounds like it's a good compromise.

 

[Steelgoddess]

I think you need to think about a plan b, give yourself some time to stew a bit cause understably this has gotten you down but think about other options you can cope with...

Sometimes a plan doesn;t go the way we want it to thats where plan B comes into it... I really want to have a water birth at the hospital but a I can't rely on it incase someone is using it, and b, i need to be realistic because if the pain is too much i might need to opt for an epidural...

Have you maybe looked into pools which aren't as heavy? I know some water pools are very heavy due to the way they are constructed, but what about the ones which are the blow up type? Maybe that would be lighter then the hire ones??

Also don't rely on one form of pain relief, because if that relief fails to comfort you, you once again need something to fall back on, also if you have these back ups then you will feel alot more confident because you wouldn't need to panick...

If you starft looking at solutions you won't feel as bad
x
Lots of these for you

 

[moss]

Don't take it personally. I'm just saying that this is the way I had decided to have a baby. This was my plan and the way that my midwife, husband and I had decided was the best way for us. I'm not looking for medals. I have very bad reactions to most opiates, to the point where it is dangerous, and I would get more of a medal getting through having the drugs than not.

 

[daftscotslass]

I think when you're geared up and planned out to have your baby one way and things don't go your way it can be very upsetting. I had it all planned out in my head how things were going to for me and one by one everything went differently and it really knocked me for six. I know now that next time (ha) I'll plan things how I want them to go but I'll overall just have to be more flexible and that way I'm not setting myself up for a disappointment.

You've obviously been thorough in your planning of it all (more thorough than me, I'd have ended up in the flat underneath no doubt ) but things changing last minute are very stressful. Have you had a look at the birth centre? Or, as someone else suggested, have you looked into taking your own pool to the hospital? Would being at home without the birth pool be the end of the world? After all, for all you know you might step into the pool while in labour and hate it - it does happen!

Sharne's advice is spot on - it's time to think about plan B and not dwell on what you can't have (take it from me, it doesn't help) hard as it may be. At the very least it'll take your mind off what's happened

 

[moss]

I'm trying to come up with another plan, but nothing sounds right to me, and I guess I am fed up with every single plan I make in life getting changed by some stupid little detail! I'm actually now really worried about this engineer report, as well, because it is saying the maximum load is 140kg per square meter... a tall, well-built man can easily weigh 100kg or more, so I guess if he sits on a chair weighing 30kg he'll also fall into the flat below?

I'm hoping there is a mistake somewhere.

I replied about the pool in the hospital- it isn't an option here. I'm going to look at the CMU, but on my break I went somewhere that let me look at the video tour and apart from the facility for water, I think it looks impersonal... Like a hospital trying to look personal, if you know what I mean. It's in Arbroath- not sure if you heard of it.

 

[moss]

This is what I was thinking (about the bath)... Maybe they built the bathroom differently, but they are quoting a maximum load of 140kg per square meter, meaning my husband and I put our lives at risk if we stand next to each other?!?! I doubt it, but we weight around 160kg put together, and are often taking up less than a square meter standing (awww cute ). I feel like there must be a mistake and I'm waiting for a reply, but part of me just wants to risk it, knowing the weights they have given HAVE to be wrong.

 

[millylillyrose]

can you not just get the pool anyway? or will something bad happen? if there's steel under those floors and the first guy said it wouldnt be a problem, then could you not go in secret

 

[Snuggle]

Hope it all works out for you. I planned a water birth at a MW led birthing centre and ended up in hospital giving birth on dry land. Unfortunately things dont always work out how we plan them but when it came down to it, I didnt care because all I wanted was the baby out

 

[Steelgoddess]

One thing I didn't ask is are you planning on placing the pool in a room other then the ground level?? Or do you live in a flat above the ground floor...

Did you look into the inflatable pools??

Personally I don't think you should look into anything today, you are not in the right mindset and will just end up upsetting yourself more.

Come back to it another day, i know you don't have much time left but its better that then stressing yourself out even further...

Also all pain relief are not drug related, you could use a tens machine and homepathy treatments, aswell as the birthing pool.

 

[moss]

The pool I sent the specifications to the engineer for is an inflatable pool, and even the non-inflatable don't weight much. Water is incredibly heavy. I can't remember what it is exactly, but I remember reading it when setting up my first fishtank and being like Haha

I really think the numbers they gave are wrong, but all I can do is wait. Part of me wants to assume they are wrong because (sorry if I'm repeating myself because I'm all over the place today) but my husband and I weigh more than what they are saying so we must be in danger to live there!

I realise there has always been the chance that everything changes at the last minute, if there was an emergency or something, but I think that is different because if there is a sudden complication, then the last thing on my mind will be about wanting to be at home with my cats... I'll be worried about the baby's safety. It's frustrating to get this news at 37+4 or what ever I am exactly.

 

[nutcase109]

Hey Moss. Im really feelin for ya pal, its not nice to be stressed at this late stage, and I know you must be feeling disappointed. I think SteelGoddess has some really good advice there, and although its hard, please do try and shift your focus to finding solutions and positives rather than taking the disappointment with you to the birth. Also one of the girls mentioned looking into lighter weight pools, which may also help. I now on the birth pool in a box website they give you dimensions and weights which will equip you with the info you need for checking with your engineers. I got the 'mini' size pool, which takes about 2.5 bathtubs of water. I had a trial blow-up of it and its not tiny at all, still really good space I think, so Im glad I didnt opt for regular size one which would be bigger and heavier. Although Im having a home-birth, Ive also got a bag packed for hospital, as I read 60% home births get transferred to hospital anyway during the labour. Also my friend was deadset on a waterbirth and wouldnt consider anything else, but when she was in labour she got in it for 2 mins and hated it and hopped out again!!! Even though she'd loved the water relief all through pregnancy etc. All Im saying is try to stay flexible and prepare for things to change, so that if they do you wont get too distressed, when you will be needing your energy for bringing your beautiful baby into the world to meet you. Im thinking of you, let us know what happens with finding out your options etc? xx