Baby won't sleep, advice needed please

[heles7]

Hi, this is helen's bloke, i've been ordered to make a post asking for some advice.
Our young un is 10 weeks old and refuses to go to sleep at a decent hour unless he's worn in the sling for a while beforehand (i've been wearing him round the house while tidying and stuff to give helen an early night, it works but is a habit he needs breaking out of i think).
She's now trying to get him into a more regular routine but it's not going well.
He screams and screams when she puts him down, letting him cry and reassuring him every few minutes, tonight he was still at it after about 30 minutes and ended up being sick on his bedding which means he has to be picked up to change the bedding which i imagine would defeat the object of the whole thing.

So what should we do?

Should we have him in the bed with us, he seems to settle a little bit better then?
Should we invest in ear plugs and keep trying the crying himself to sleep theory?
Should we cuddle him til he sleeps then put him down?
Should we do the sling thing some more
Any other ideas? (please)

The problems haven't been helped by the fact that Helen has been in and out of hospital since his birth (sorted now) so he's never really had a chance at a consistent routine for more than a few days at a time

Thanks in advance for your pearls of wisdom.

 

[SarahH]

Firstly hugs to both Helen and you

When we first took Arianna home we started a routine of putting her to bed at about midnight - sounds late I know, but when she finally settled to that for a week, we moced it back 30min to 11.30pm and so on.... each time once she was fine for a week moving it back 30min.

Eventually she was in bed at 7.30pm and sleeping right through til about 8am with a dreamfeed through the night. She started doing this at about 3mths old or so, if I remember correctly.

It really does just take time and patience.

The other thing is, is he colicy? Maybe get some gripe water or simular and lift the cot/basket up a little at his head as that usually helps

 

[heles7]

james has been crying now since around 10.50 ish and OH now decides to say he's not prepared to see through the controlled crying cos he needs to get to sleep so he can work. i feel like we've just sat through two hours of heartbreaking crying for absolutely nothing and we've got nowhere.

is there no other solution to the controlled crying method to get the baby to sleep????

so far the only way ive managed to get him to sleep is either whilst walking in the pushchaire or sitting upright and holding him and neither is allowing for me to get any sleep

 

[jennywren]

Does he stay asleep if he falls asleep on you and then is put down?

We did used to rock oran to sleep he is/was and always has been a terrible sleeper, we rocked him but did the CC at 5 months which worked for a month till some major teeth issues, we have just done the cc again and its worked a treat. I wouldnt have dont the CC before 5/6 months personally as I read somewhere they don't understand it much earlier? Dont know how try that is.

Oran used to either go to sleep on my chest (while I was sat up) or if we rocked him (once he got to about 3 months) we would leave him in the position for about 30 mins till he was in a deep sleep then put him down.

We mad a rod for our own back really but it was the only way to get him & Us some sleep! It was also hard for us as OH was working and we only had 1 bed so flat so he couldnt even go and sleep elsewhere!

 

[newmum]

We've always had problems getting LO to sleep. Now I can get her to sleep but not stay asleep but anyway...

One thing that helped me was to watch how many hours she could stay awake for and then time putting her down to sleep with that. Eg. WHen she was newborn up to a couple of months, she only stayed awake for about 2-3hours before napping or sleeping. So in the evening, I would check the time she woke up and add on 3 hours. Then when it got to around that time, I fed her and she would fall asleep.

She use to sleep really late, around midnight and then eventually 11pm and then down to 10pm. At around 4 months old she changed this by herself to 8 or 9pm.

How long does your LO stay awake for on average?

 

[laetitia85]

Kenzo is 6 months and we still have the same problem with him. It's on and off though. We get very good nights, and very bad ones. Last night was what i call an OK night. We put him to bed around 10pm and he woke up at 1.30 - dreamfeed, then he woke up at 7 this morning.
But some nights, he would wake u about 4 times, especially when we put him to bed early, say 8 or 9pm.

I think the later he goes to bed the better. Make sure there is NO noise in the background, that it is dark and sing the same song to him every night so he understand that it is bedtime. It has to be the same quiet atmospehere every night. You can try a bath right before bedtime although that didn't work for us.
Good luck and hope Helen is better

 

[Marijana FC]

I think your little one might be too young for a strict routine. I've read somewhere that controlled crying shouldn't be applied to babies before they are 3 months old because thay don't know how to confort themselves.

My little one wanted to be held most of the time when she was a tiny baby. Sling was a godsend thing - definitelly the best baby thing we bought. We also co-slept until Danica was 4 months old and that was the time when I slept better than I am sleeping now.

Anyway, I would just say that you do whatever feels right to you and whatever works for you and your baby. there aren't good and bad options in my view, just the ones that do or don't work. Good luck!

 

[sazzylou]

aww, i know how you feel!

We had this with Izzie for the first few weeks. She would only fall asleep on us and only in the position where she was over our shoulders. As soon as she felt herself lying backwards as we lowered her into the basket, she would cry

I read somewhere that basically us holding her was her was of getting to sleep, and it was the only way she knew...without it she just felt rubbish cos she was tired (but obviously babies dont know that theyre tired IYKWIM, they just feel cack ) Very gradually in the daytime i started to make sure that when i saw the signs of her getting tired i would lie her in the basket downstairs. She would still hear me and still be near me, but she had to go in her cot. I only did it during the day first of all cos i couldnt handle the crying at night

Anyway, veeeeeeeerrryy slowely it started to work! We then put her to sleep in her basket at night , but we kept it downstairs and then used to carry it up when we went to bed, then finally when that was ok with her, we put her straight up to bed on her own in the basket.....and now we get some peace! She'll sleep at 8pm after bath and bottle, give her a dreamfeed at 11pm and she'll usuall y wake up around 3am iah for another feed then sleep until 6am...not too bad for 10 weeks i think!

The main thing i kept reading when i was looking for solutions on the internet was that babies dont know how to get themselves to sleep, you have to kind of train them.

I think the other thing thats helped is that having an older child to look after, we're all already in a routine of bath's and bedtimes and school runs, and luckily she's just kind of adapted to what we do.

Chin up hun, i promise you it will get better eventually xxx

 

[charlie84]

Hi there
Do you have a set bedtime routine, like bathtime, low lights, feed then bed.
I find this works like a dream for my little one.
We have playtime with mummy and daddy when OH gets home from work. We then give her a bath and get her dressed ready for bed.
I take her through to our bedroom where the lights are off or low and give her the final feed which usually takes 1/2 hour to 45 mins.
Usually she falls asleep during this but i will make sure she is winded then put her down in the cot. She usually settles within ten mins.

I do this routine every night. When i started this routine she was going to bed for about 10pm now i have gradually got it down to 8ish.

 

[Sherlock]

I'd think it was too early for controlled crying also.

Our LO is 6 weeks old now and he is settled in his cot and goes off to sleep by himself and has done for a couple of weeks now. From before bed feed and also in the night. He has a great mobile also that plays music for 20 minutes so keeps him content if he is more alert and not quite ready to go back to sleep.

It took a few weeks to get him used to his moses basket and to settle in there at night without stirring and crying, especially after a night feed. He'd want to stay on my boob and be cuddled all night. I just could not do this as I was in pain and also worn out.

We made the transition in stages. I feed him on a pillow at night so he is not actually in my arms. Makes it easier to move him over once he is done. I can slide him off my lap once he is done feeding and asleep. Also OH could more easily take him if need be. This is where it got tricky and took us about 4 nights to make a breakthrough - During the before bed feed and the night feeds all I did was feed LO. Once done OH would take him and wind him and cuddle him a while and then settle him into his basket. If he came back to me he would become more unsettled as he could smell milk!

Once in there skin on skin is kept for as long as needed. Usually a hand resting or stroking LO's head. This seems to comfort him and send him back to sleep.

In the early days of this we would blast the mattress where he would be lying with the hairdryer or put a hot water bottle in to warm it up before hand. Also a muslin square under his head over the sheet that smelt of me.

We kept repeating this each night and got there. OK its not for everyone but it worked for us. Galen made the move to his cot a week ago and loves it. Never became unsettled as we would place him in it during the day while he was awake to get used to it. He also wakes up calm and happy and is quite content to simply lie there and look at his mobile. I never rush to him as soon as he wakes but wait a little while and go once he has had a bit of time on his own. He always has a big smile when he sees me

 

[purple13]

as others have said, i'm afraid i think that james is way too little for controlled crying.

when connor was really little he would only sleep when physically lying on top of me or OH. now he co-sleeps with us, and he's slowly developing his own routine. we haven't forced a routine on him (it suits us that way) and he's found his own pattern of waking and sleeping - he's generally a very contented baby.

we're about to invest in a bedside cot so that connor will still feel like he's close to us and i get my half of the bed back!

good luck

 

[heles7]

thanks everyone, I shall rest assured that i dont need to try cc just yet and carry on with cuddles etc. he seems to be doing more co sleeping lately as it's the only way i get sleep. would prefer he went in his own bed but now im havin bf probs too and we're off to docs today cos he's lost alot of weight so feel like i should just let him do what he wants

 

[KJL]

As above, def too young for CC. Layla wasn't in any routine until around 3 1/2 months. She was really hard to settle too so I used to put her in the sling or rock her to sleep and she would go to sleep any time between about 10pm-12pm and then wake up every 2 hrs to feed Now she has a bath as 6.30, a bottle and then to bed at 7pm and she's normally asleep in about 5/10mins and is dream fed at 11pm at then goes through to about 7am (she stirs a few times in the night but I leave her to re-settle herself).

Have you tried a dummy? I found Layla settled so much quicker with one. Now she has one just at bed time and as soon as I put it in she gets into "sleepy mode"!