Baby won't latch anymore - heartbroken

[sorpresa_bea]

I'm devastated. My DS (18 weeks old) has been exclusively breastfed until now, but becoming fussier and fussier at the breast since about 12 weeks. To the point that all day feeds are extremely frustrating for us both now, he barely spends a few minutes at the breast, and clearly fights it. I've been avoiding giving him bottles as I don't enjoy pumping and it's so much extra work. Anyhow, tonight, out of desperation and in tears, decided to give him a full bottle feed (I have a good stash of frozen BM). And he had a good 120 ml.... It's just been such uphill struggle over the past few weeks with the breastfeeding that I have finally decided that I cannot do this anymore :'-(

He latches well during night feeds (unfortunately up to 5 times these days, since he feeds so little in the day that he's up at all hours to catch up during the night). So I've decided to give him expressed milk during the day feeds, and hope to keep latching him at nights.

He's been cranky a lot lately, so I'm hoping that with proper feeds he will be a little happier and sleep better at nights.

I am truly heartbroken though because I really was hoping to breast feed him until he was at least one year old.... I don't exactly know why he refuses to nurse properly anymore, and I sorely miss the days when we could bond through nursing. I'm really hoping that this decision will make him a happy baby, and a stress-free happier mum....

Would love to hear from mums who may have been through similar....

 

[mylullaby]

I don't have any experience as I'm currently expecting my first, but didn't want to read and run. My friend had to stop when her ds was 7 weeks old as she reached the end of her tether with latching problems. At first she really struggled with feeling guilty, but later she told me that seeing her dd happier made her happy too. And she got a bit more sleep, which was helpful too. Life was just that little bit easier for the both of them. Hope you're ok lovely. You're doing the best you can. The most important thing is that your baby is fed. xxx

 

[Rose83]

This sounds like exactly what happened to me and it turned out I had thrush - I had no symptoms at first but baby stopped feeding from me apart from at night. GP said that at night she was too dopey to worry about the odd taste she was picking up on during the day. I ended up going over to express feeding and she is still only fed expressed milk. It's possible you have the same problem and don't realise it x

 

[OMGbabyno3]

Ah, sorry to hear this.

You've done really well to get this far, and it may revert back. As other posters have said, most important is baby is fed.

I can understand your heartache though xx

 

[Staceylou27]

You really shouldn't feel guilty. I went through something similar.
My lo is now 7 months old, I was only able to feed her exclusively for 3 days my nipples were sore, cracked and bleeding and my lo would cry a lot she clearly wasn't getting enough milk from me.
I felt the same as you I should be breastfeeding until she's 1, I really wanted to be able to do it. I tried nipple shields, breastfeeding classes, creams and I had lots of people look at my latching! At 3 days old it was my midwife who was great and told me that there was nothing wrong with formula and both me and lo would be happier if we have some formula.
I tried to express by hand and by pump but nothing came out. I'm convinced my milk didn't come in properly. I still tried to feed my lo when I didn't feel sore it was maybe once or twice a day but I still had to top those feeds up with a bottle. I was devastated because I couldn't feed my baby.

You've done great to feed your lo for as long as you have. I don't feel guilty at all now it soon passed when I saw my lo enjoying a bottle and not crying after for more. If you can express then express for a few feeds and top up with formula for the other feeds.

I hope you find a way that works for you

 

[Allthingsgirly]

I haven't been able to breastfeed at all & I still have these feelings of guilt & thinking that BF is the only way j can have that special bond with my little boy as I'm the only one who can do it. I feel like I've not got anything that just me can do for him apart from this!

 

[Staceylou27]

You carried him for 9 months what better bond do you need, no one else could have done that....enjoy being a mum and the special moments you will experience. You don't have to breastfeed to experience them.

 

[Cakey]

My little boy breastfed okay until my milk came in on day 3 and he struggled so much to the point where he was fighting me and crying. I really didn't want to give up feeding him breastmilk so I express fed him until he was about 6 weeks old. My HV told me to keep trying to breastfeed him and one day he suddenly latched fine. I've breastfed him since then and he's 11 weeks old now. Sometimes there's nothing wrong with a bottle if that's what they like, but I understand that it's hard to give up breastfeeding. I really dug my heels in and managed to get it to work but you need to do what's best for you. I felt awful when I gave him a bottle but at the same time it was a huge weight that had been lifted and we were both happier. Just do what's best for both of you, as long as he's getting food, formula or breastmilk, then he's fine good luck xxx

 

[sorpresa_bea]

Thanks for all the kind words ladies, much needed as I'm a bit of an emotional wreck at the moment, snapping at my husband for everything, and angry at my baby for being the way he is. I'm struggling to feel good with my baby. Everything seems such hard work. This morning we tried to feed him with the bottle and he only took a little, arrrghh!

Rose - I did have nipple thrush before and went through 2 weeks of treatment until it cleared. During that time, baby was latching and drinking fine. That was around week 10.

Since it looks like I'll be pumping and bottle feeding him going forward, can I ask you Rose, how often and how much do you pump, how much do you feed your LO per feed and per day? Do you still latch at all or only bottle? And how long do you intend to express for?

Thanks for any pointers you can share.

 

[littlemonkey]

Similar to what Rose said, have you checked with the HV or doctors that there's no physical problems preventing him from latching on? Is he teething at all? I've not bf either of my children, but I know when I was having problems with my eldest not taking bottles because of reflux, he would feed better at night. It was probably a combination of exhaustion and hunger, he would just give in and take a feed. I'd recommend seeking their advice first before switching to bottles because the last thing you want to do is switch, find out he's fussy with bottles too and then find out its something else entirely.

Allthingsgirly, like I said I didn't BF either of my children, but trust me it doesn't stop you having a special bond with your baby that only you can have. You carried your baby all that time, cared for him and loved him unconditionally before you even set eyes on him. You will always love him more than anything in this world and he will always love you. It will be you he turns to when he seeks comfort. I worried terribly about bonding with my eldest because I was physically struggling after having a c-section and PND, I couldn't do as much for him as I wanted. But we did and even now he's two and my OH does as much for him as I do, it's me he turns to for cuddles and comfort.

 

[sorpresa_bea]

Thanks, littlemonkey.... I did go to the PD yesterday. He only said that he's teething and that's how to explain his erratic behaviour. Today I've been mainly trying to feed him with bottles, and he has only taken a total of 130 ml after 4-5 feeds. It's late afternoon here already. He's barely drinking... I feel awful and terribly worried for him.

Pediatrician didn't seem overly concerned and just blamed it all on teething... But he's only 18 weeks yet!

Right now, I'm so stressed, worried sick, and even rejected by him, so I'm truly struggling to feel comfortable with him. I know I love him deeply, but I feel I have too much anger and worry inside and not enjoying being a mum at all.

 

[OMGbabyno3]

*deleted*

 

[OMGbabyno3]

I'm so sorry to read your last post.

I think it's so hard when we plan something and it doesn't work out the way we want. Birth plans....breast feeding etc.

You have done well, and baby is just going with what he wants. Don't be angry...I can understand why you are tho x

Maybe keep offering and he may go back to it?

Teething can start early.18 weeks doesn't seem so early to start.

Take care xx

 

[Allthingsgirly]

Think it's the situation i am finding myself in with regards a family member that is getting really difficult & i don't have the courage to say no or call her out on the things that are making me feel she is taking over my role as a mother!

 

[Rose83]

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low. My little girl is teething too and my partner came home to me in tears because I felt so useless yesterday - she was clearly in pain and nothing I did was making her feel better so I felt like a rubbish mum but it passes. Just remember you've done great so far and you'll feel great again once you are happy with how they are feeding.

To answer your questions: I have a medela freestyle double pump so each expression session takes 15-20 minutes in total. It's a very expensive pump and there are cheaper double pumps out there but because I knew I was going to pump for a long time I thought I could justify the cost. At first I was pumping 6-7 times a day but gradually I realised I could pump less and still get the same amount out. At one point I spent two months only pumping 3 or 4 times a day and I was still getting 800ml-900ml out. I got my period back two months ago and when I have pmt and AF my supply drops really badly so at the moment im back up to 6 times a day to try to increase my supply. My little girl is now weaning and having solids twice a day so she has slightly reduced what she drinks. She was on 6 x 140ml a day but now has 4 x140 and 1 x80. The smaller feed is when she has just had her 3.30pm solids so varies between 60 and 80ml. She has solids at 9.30am too used to have a bottle then but gradually dropped it herself. She is also a chubby little thing - between the 75th and 91st centile line so definitely getting enough. So now it's around 550-600ml a day.

I think at first I just kept trying to get myself to the next big milestone and saying perhaps I would stop then, so at 3months I was thinking maybe just another month and then at 4 months I was thinking Hmm let's try to get to 6 months and see how I feel. So now I'm at 6 months I feel like I will be trying to make it to the full year. I will be going back to work at 10 months but my health visitor said she will be drinking much less by then anyway so I probably won't have trouble pumping enough to get her through the day at nursery.

Good luck in deciding what's best for you xx

 

[Rose83]

P.S no, she doesn't latch at all anymore. She continued to do it for her one night feed until 10 weeks when she dropped that feed and I've never tried to get her to do any of the others as it used to stress her out so much. And she started teething at 2 months and still has no teeth!

 

[Snaveanator]

Have you tried nipple shields? Baby might like to feel something big in his mouth? That way you can still feed from the breast!

 

[sorpresa_bea]

Parenthood is a strange thing.... Having decided that latching wasn't working for us anymore, I tried a whole day of pumping and feeding bottle, but LO was equally bad at drinking during the day... I ended up talking with my local La Leche League Consultant and she told me to readjust my expectations, and try to relax. To offer and never refuse, and allow baby to latch as many times as he wants, and not to get frustrated if he doesn't.

So, I have tried the relaxed approach and think that if baby wants, baby will latch.... Yesterday and today have been much better days, and yes, he latches for short times, very often (rather than what would be the ideal every 3-4 hours), but hey, if baby is strong and happy, why should I get stressed.

Here's to hoping that I can breast feed him for a few more months....

Thanks everyone for the support

 

[beckyboo1]

So glad you've had sine good advice from LLL... Babies are pretty instinctive at this stuff.. And they know boobies are good!

Hope you have a good weekend of feeding x

 

[Taboo917]

Glad you're feeling better about it all. Was just going to say Caleb's been teething since he was 12wks so 18 isn't too early for that at all x