Baby shower madness!

[Pinkz]

Might be wrong place to post but have you see the article in daily mail about some woman's baby shower? I haven't read the thread on mums net but basically she's being slammed because no one is going to her baby shower and she's upset! Poor thing.
I'm not a fan of baby showers myself and as I have 0 friends with children I certainly wouldn't be expecting one but I wouldnt turn down an invitation to one and I've been to many and asked for a lot of money in some cases from the arrangers of these parties for people I don't even know that well!

I hate it when people go to town on other people in a forum though just because they don't agree with them. She was upset and probably just wanted someone to say yea it's not the end of the world but it's disappointing...

I had a similar situation where I actually left a wedding forum because I was looking for support when 2 of my 4 bridesmaids couldn't make the hen do (even though they easily could have and I actually offered to pay return transport) and I felt really let down by all 4 of them in one way or another and I was absolutely slaughtered for daring to think a friend who hadn't had to pay a penny towards my wedding should show up to the hen do and the wedding and perhaps not complain?

Very sad it's now made the daily mail. Poor girl.

 

[M1chelle]

The internet is full of arses. Hopefully she was able to brush it off and get on with her live. Unfortunately many people would take it personally.

 

[PeanutButter]

Personally I'm not a fan of baby showers. I've been to one & will decline any invites I receive in the future. I don't see the point? Hold a party to get people to buy you stuff.. hmm

 

[TashaWink]

Oh I love a baby shower. Not for the presents because personally I hate opening gifts in front of loads of people. But the games are so much fun!!!

 

[lisey]

I hate the games lol. I don't mind a few but the last shower I went to was constant games (about 7) and would be nice to just catch up with people. I don't like opening presents in front of people either, so embarrassing. I don't want a baby shower, other people want me to though!! Xx

 

[Shepherdess]

I love baby showers. It's lovely to catch up with some cake and play a few cheesy games. I really wasn't keen on having one myself though as I'm not a fan of all attention on me but I loved it.

Id also never turn down an invitation. These things can mean a lot to people. Hen party's, weddings, baby showers and hristenings are always a yes from me

 

[KateK]

I'm in 2 minds on them as I love giving gifts but not recieving them. When I had my own with my first I felt very uncomfortable and worried that people thought it was an excuse for a load of presents (which of course it wasn't, I just wanted one last hoorah before my life changed forever!) I didn't even consider having one this time round - I personally think they're a first-time-mum thing. I agree they can be really lovely and appreciate it means a lot to some pepple to celebrate life's little things Would be nice to go to one and not have the focus be on the gifts though - just another victory for consumerism..

 

[lisey]

I'm in 2 minds on them as I love giving gifts but not recieving them. When I had my own with my first I felt very uncomfortable and worried that people thought it was an excuse for a load of presents (which of course it wasn't, I just wanted one last hoorah before my life changed forever!) I didn't even consider having one this time round - I personally think they're a first-time-mum thing. I agree they can be really lovely and appreciate it means a lot to some pepple to celebrate life's little things Would be nice to go to one and not have the focus be on the gifts though - just another victory for consumerism..

I agree, I would like them more if it wasn't so much about gifts. I am the same as you in that I love giving gifts, I made my cousin a lovely hamper of baby clothes and essentials for her baby shower, loved doing it but I feel funny receiving gifts. I hate all eyes on me too so makes me uncomfortable.
I think people want me to have one because we had been ttc for so long (5 years ) with losses and various issues along the way but at the end of the day, it comes down to what I want. If someone arranges one without me knowing then fair enough but I don't think anyone will as they all know I am a bit of a control freak xx

 

[babybee]

I didn't want one as my eldest was a honeymoon baby so my wedding was only 9 months prior to the due date and my friends and family had been so generous with their time and presents I just felt way too embarrassed to have something else for me. Also no matter how many times you tell people you absoloutely 100% dont want presents, they will totally ignore you.
So in the end I agreed i would have afternoon tea at my friend's house with my 4 closest friends and they wouldn't buy me anything. They each made really cute cupcakes, sandwiches etc.
However my daughter decided to be born that day so I never got to join in!! Good thing they hadn't organised a bigger event!

 

[Thailand1]

Baby shower for me is all about getting together, playing games & celebrating being pregnant. I don't expect people to by presents I know my friends will tho that's what they are like it's definetly not about holding one to get presents! I got too much as it is

 

[Pinkz]

Baby bee that sounds lovely. I think I would just do something similar with my friends. It's difficult when you are the first (and I'm 31 btw not young) to be TTC I'm hoping one of my friends will be trying soon after her wedding so I can have someone there for me!

I definitely think each to their own but I also think forums are good for a vent when u are upset about something. Hate the way some of them are just a place to jump on people and tell them they are wrong! Fair enough if she had been one of these people who demand expensive presents from people but everyone I have been to has been more along the lines of everyone chips in a token amount and the organiser gets as many things for mum as possible

 

[Rose83]

I have had baby showers for both my previous pregnancies and neither was that enjoyable if I'm honest. First one was a total disaster: my brothers wife insisted she organise it even though we aren't exactly close, long story but two nights before the shower she picked a fight with both me and my mum and everyone agrees she was in the wrong (her grandad had died the week before so she was rather fragile but she said some awful things to us and had me bawling my eyes out at 8 and a half months pregnant) so when it got to the shower we were only able to be civil with each other and it was quite clear she didn't want to speak to me. When it came to gifts they had all clubbed together and given the money to my brothers wife who then bought a load of fairly useless stuff that the rest of them were clearly not that happy about having given me.
For my second my partners sister said she'd organise one after I booked an afternoon tea for us to go to. She organised some games and it was quite nice, everyone bought their own presents so they had a choice in how much to spend etc (I was rather embarassed that at the previous one my brothers wife had demanded a set amount from them all). The only thing I found was that I wasn't really able to talk to everyone that came as much as I would have liked to and there was only 10 of us there so I didn't really feel like it was very fair to my friends that had come.
I think it's quite an 'American' type idea and agree that it does seem a bit like a party to get presents. I don't think I will be doing one this time especially so soon after the last babies! X

 

[Donna88]

Personally I love baby showers, I was given a surprise one when I had my son. So much of a surprise he was actually a guest as he arrived early so attended himself. That was nice as all my friends got to meet him for the first time there. I've only ever been to one other, unfortunately they weren't really a thing when my sister had hers which I think is a shame as she would have enjoyed them. The other I went to was my friends and it was a surprise organised by her husband. We all went for afternoon tea. He paid for it all, so wasn't asking for money although I wouldn't have minded paying for my share.


I personally don't see it as looking for more presents etc but for a chance for the soon to be new mum to see her friends, relax and have a nice time.


As for people on the forums It's sad that they kicked off at her like that. As others have said the internet is full of horrible people. Like you I had it when I went on a wedding forum and said I was a bit upset as my fiance was talking about having his stag do on my Birthday weekend. I didn't kick off, I just said I didn't like the idea, I also didn't have a go about him as he didn't say it in a funny way... I don't think he'd realised that weekend was my birthday (we both work in schools and he had said he would like to do it the first weekend in half term) I had gone on said I wasn't happy about the idea and I got a tonne of abuse from people saying how selfish I was and that he only got one stag do and I got a Birthday every year. In the end it turned out when he realised that my birthday was on that weekend he was horrified and changed the weekend (nothing was booked at that point) He said he would never consider having it over my Birthday weekend but I was made to feel like rubbish on the forum for quietly saying I was upset and should I say something.

I hope the poor lady is okay and those people haven't made her feel worse than she already did

 

[Pinkz]

I actually left the wedding forum Donna. Not sure how this one works but I emailed a mod and asked for all my posts and profile to be deleted. I didn't want any of them to have anything to reply to about me. There were some really nice people but it was clearly the minority and everyone else was just really mean! I'm a big girl I know I can't expect the world of people but when you ask people to be bridesmaid you do expect them to show up for the hen do! Just made me feel like absolute rubbish but even now I don't think I was being unreasonable. One of my friends said she's not having bridesmaids and I do think that's partly to do with what she saw go on with mine. It's too difficult when you have a few people to keep happy isn't it!

Anyway I won't be expecting a baby shower... tbh I won't be expecting half of my friends to even care haha

 

[Donna88]

I actually left the wedding forum Donna. Not sure how this one works but I emailed a mod and asked for all my posts and profile to be deleted. I didn't want any of them to have anything to reply to about me. There were some really nice people but it was clearly the minority and everyone else was just really mean! I'm a big girl I know I can't expect the world of people but when you ask people to be bridesmaid you do expect them to show up for the hen do! Just made me feel like absolute rubbish but even now I don't think I was being unreasonable. One of my friends said she's not having bridesmaids and I do think that's partly to do with what she saw go on with mine. It's too difficult when you have a few people to keep happy isn't it!

Anyway I won't be expecting a baby shower... tbh I won't be expecting half of my friends to even care haha

Sounds like you did the right thing, I stopped going on mine but didn't think to have everything deleted. I don't think you were wrong either, but at the end of the day if people did disagree with either of us I'm sure we wouldn't have had an issue if they'd been nice about it as opposed to attacking. We all have different opinions and most adults can accept that, what's not nice is feeling like your being attacked and your character questioned over one comment.

As long as you're happy that's what matters.

I've noticed baby showers seem to be a dodgy topic, some people are so against them they will attack anyone who even mentions the thought of having one. I think it's just the name of them, like I said I see them as more of a get together. Yet if I were to say ''I'm having afternoon tea as a baby shower'' I'd open myself up to strangers on the internet banging on about how I'm attention seeking and greedy and want my friends to be giving me loads of money, yet if I said ''Oh me and all my friends are getting together to have afternoon tea before I have the baby'' people would be cool with that...

 

[TashaWink]

generally the people that are invited to a shower would buy your baby a present whether you had a party or just when you've given birth so although it does seem like a party for presents it's really just an excuse to get together and play games. Because they'll buy gifts regardless.
But I've waited a few times saying I will buy something when baby is born etc (mainly to my family) and they did it to me because they wanted to buy gender specific.

 

[Eryinera]

I never had a baby shower with my son I didn't know anybody who had kids and I didn't even know baby showers were a thing. I love giving gifts but I'm not too keen on getting them! Ive been asked so much when my baby shower is (long hard time ttc this one!) I've decided to have an afternoon tea. And I've said "I don't want pressies but if you really want to bring something I'd appreciate your favourite childhood book with a note to baby inside" and seeing as everyone has gone gooey at that idea I'm hoping that's all they will do.

I must admit and I've never admitted this to any bar hubby before. But this year not included every other year of my working life (15 years) I've chipped in for **everyone's** birthday and no one ever got me even a card for my birthday despite them knowing when it was. This year however they did realise when they realised they didn't even get me a card for my 30th. I didn't necessarily want anything just a "happy birthday" would have done lol but they did get me a beautiful necklace ring and card and it meant so much I burst out crying (or was that the pregnancy hormones lol) I know my birthday is at the wrong time of year and is officially the worst day of the year to have a birthday but to verbally say happy birthday costs nothing and until this year I had never even gotten that!!

 

[lisey]

I don't like the idea of people buying gifts at the baby shower and then at the birth too cos I know lots of them would. I don't want a typical baby shower (if I have one). I would also do afternoon tea but myself and OH have said we will pay for people to come, don't want them having to pay for that too.
The book idea is lovely ery xx