Anyone have someone in the family....

[Red_Fairy]

gone!

 

[foxymum]

hi hun,
i think she is being slightly selfish, she should still support you even if it is from a distance.
it obviously is very hard for her that you are pregnant, but at the same time she is your sister, & going through IVF she has every chance of getting pregnant too.

fingers crossed that she gets a BFP very soon.
xx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Aww hun must be hard for u!
I think she should be more supportive of u..
It must be worse as your hormones are going wild!!
Maybe go and see her and have a talk with her? It will be easier to get it done without a big bump! If you leave it and it gets worse, you will have a big pregnant belly that will be right in her face..if she has coe to terms with it then it may not be so bad to see you like that?
I hope you can sort things out honey xxx

 

It's very hard, I think after tryng so long and now having to go through IVF, it must be tearing her up a little to know you fell pregnant so easily? I think I would feel slightly jealous if I was in her shoes, but would still wish you well as I wouldn't want to upset you.
It's hard to say as I don't know your sister, but as she is going through a hard time, maybe it's best to give her some time and space till she knows if the egg has implanted or not.

Sorry if that's not much help

 

[Andrianne]

Hi rachel and welcome to the forum. Congrats on your pregnancy too!

I apologize in advance cause this is gonna sound harsh, in my opinion yes you're being selfish.... You got by accident what your sister has been trying for for 10 years! Surely you understand how jealous she can be? I'm certain she's happy for you and she's going to be a great aunt no matter what... but right now this is a very difficult time for her, she NEEDS your family's support and she also needs your support too. Why are you waiting for her to come to you/ txt you? Why don't you txt her or call her? (maybe you already are, I don't know). Let her know you're there for her, let her know you understand and she can come to you when she's ready to cope with things. Sometimes when we feel we need the support and love from others but can't have it for whatever reason, it helps to offer it, you know? Your sister is the priority at this stage... Picture yourself in her shoes, how would you feel?

I'm a little biased on this, am very sorry. There's a post on the ttc section about a woman in her thirties going thru IVF. She actually had the embryos transferred yesterday I think. At some point her brother's gf got pregnant, i think they too weren't trying for a baby. Reading it may help you understand what the other person is going thru. IVF is hard... I used to think it was a fairly simple procedure with just the success rates being one of the downsides. I thought it just takes eggs - sperm - fertilization - implantation. But it's a lot more difficult than that and I learnt that here.

Again I'm sorry for writing it out like this and being preachy... I see your side too but I really think she needs you more than you need her checking up on you. She probably asks your mum about you too and feels guilty for not seeing you. BUt she def doesn't need to stress now hun... So try and help her

Wish you well and hope your sister's IVF is successful

xxxx

 

[fynemum]

Hi Rachel,
I am sure you know how hard it is and has been for your sister, you will know her hormones with the treatment will be very similar to your own at the moment, I can't say that you or her are being selfish! you both have fears for each others feelings, From what you have written we can see you love your sister dearly, and i am sure she does you... Can i tell you what happened to me yesterday...
As you know i have just lost my baby on monday, I had to visit the GP yesterday, i met my cousins wife, she is due her baby mid December. I felt her awkwardness as she expressed her sorrow for my loss. I also saw her cover her bump (almost trying to sheild me from it) I admit i looked at her and wished that i was still pregnant, i wished that i was able to share my joy about when i was due and morning sickness woes... but i couldn't. This does NOT mean I wished that it was me that was pregnant INSTEAD of her. I am very happy for her... i wish her well and a very happy healthy baby.

I hope explaining my feelings here, Raw as they are that you might understand how she may be feeling and how you may be reacting to her too...

If i could be so forward to suggest that you try and involve her with your pregnancy, you call her. be the strong one here. As you both do need each other npo matter how wonderful or sad the IVF treatment turns out.
Sort this out now.. don't let it go on... write her a letter if you can't say how you feel...

I hope i haven't offended you or upset you.. i wish you well and i hope you and your sister sort things out. Take care Happy PG
Lv Yvonne xx

 

[cloud9]

We tried for 4 years before i concieved and we were going through IUI and had had one treatement that failed prior to me getting pregnant ( though this one was naturally concieved) . A few months before I concieved my b.friends sister got pregnant and her realtionship was on the rocks at the time and she had an abortion..This was so hard for me and seemed so unfair how people could just concieve without even trying and after years we couldn't...To be honest i hated my firend talking about it.looking back i know she was going through her own hell but it is so hard to see anything else other than your own feelings when you are consumed with all the fertility stuff going on. When I was having the treatment i really underestimated how bad i would feel when it failed, i under esteimated the stress i would be under.I think its stress you don't understand till you have been through it.

That said I don't think you are been selfish in wanting people to enjoy and celebrate your pregnancy especially your sister who you are close to but it sounds like its more than she is capable of at the minute..maybe send her a txt wishing her well to open the lines of communication .

TC

 

[littlebump]

Hi Rachel

Congratulations on your pregnancy and sorry that your happy news is tinged with some sadness on your sister's part.

You and your sister clearly love each other enormously. I am certain that your sister will come around eventually but she needs time - this must be very hard news for her to take. Even if at the back of her mind she knew it would happen some time, the fact that the news is a total surprise to everyone perhaps hasn't helped her prepare herself emotionally for such an eventuality!

If the news is making her feel a little jealous (I'm sure even the best sister would feel a little jealous in these circumstances) then she probably at the same time hates herself for feeling that way. She also probably doesn't want you to pick up on any negativity - she knows that she should be happy for you, and deep down I'm sure she is, but at the same time she is probably asking for the millionth time why can't it be her.

I think give her some time. Convey the message by letter/text or through your mum that you are there for her, you know how hard this must be and you are ready to talk whenever she is ready to talk, and that you love her.

It's a real shame that it's taking the shine off your wonderful news, but don't let it spoil things for you - just be sensitive to her and be there whenever she's ready, and try not to feel anger towards her - in the meantime you and DH should enjoy your happy news together and try to take it easy!

Lots of love to you all

LBxx

 

[Dee1985]

my antie is 26 and had been trying for over a yr to get preg she had loads of cysts on her overies or some thing. when i found out i was preg she didnt want to no. then when harley was born i got nothing no card nothing. untill Harley was 12 weeks old she came round with a present and to tell me the news that she was now 4weeks pregnant. i was ery anoied at her and the present means nothing to me. she wil get the same treatment when she gives birth. spiting my baby because she couldnt have her own if my antie was happy for me but jelous i would understand. but she told my mum it anoided her how i had 2 so close when she couldnt een have 1.
i no she hated me for being preg.

it must be hard for your sister no dout and i understand she is sensitive and no one should upset her but then you are still regnant and need support too

 

[Strangeness]

My sister has been trying to have a baby for about 8 years now. When I found out I was pregnant I had no idea how to tell her but thought I had better because she'd be more hurt if everyone knew and she didn't. She took it quite well but found it very hard watching me go through the pregnancy. When my sister in law gave me some baby things she was in pieces because it made it real that I was having a baby. She then started IUI whilst I was heavily pregnant so while I sat there with this baby bump she was sat injecting herself. It was the worst time ever for her and I could tell. I think you have to understand how awful it is for your sister to go through this. My sister never once said she wasn't happy for me because she was but just looking at her I knew how upset she was that it wasn't her. She tried so hard to be involved but it was too much for her to handle most of the time so I think she just pretended that it wasn't happening. The bigger I got the more she made a joke about the whole thing because it was easier for her to cope with.

She moved to Gibraltar with her husband (in the navy) 8 days after my son was born and to be honest it sounds horrible but I think it was better for her. She's seen my son once since she moved and I send her pictures but I still don't know how she copes and I just let her go at her own pace.

Hun I know how hard it is but you will never have to go through what she has and you'll never understand being childless. Let your family support her more than you because she needs it. There'll be there for you equally when your baby is born and then she'll be the one feeling left out if she's not pregnant. Don't feel they don't care about you because they do but you've had no problem getting pregnant so wouldn't understand how she feels. Just let her come to terms at her own pace, she'll want to be involved but maybe not as much as some Auntie's would but she could be the world's best Auntie you just don't know. My sister adores my son but I think she finds it a lot easier not having to see me with him.

If you ever need to chat just PM me hun xxx Congrats on the baby

 

[Misslarue]

This is a tricky one. I'm in a similar situation, but not as bad as yours. My brother and his girlfriend (36) have been trying for nearly 3 years and although they have had tests there is apparently no reason why they can't conceive. I've been with my partner for nearly 6 years and although we haven't been trying as hard as we could i.e. no temps/OT/etc we hadn't used contraception for 2 and half years. Before I fell pregnant naturally I had convinced myself that there was something wrong with us.
Getting pregnant is consuming my brothers gf to the point where it is unhealthy. She has left her job and is now suffering badly with depression and their relationship has turned from a happy healthy one to volatile and distant
When I found out I was pregnant I knew that it would upset them so my OH and I made a point of driving an hour to tell them in person. A big mistake. We could not have picked a worse day to tell them. Unfortunately she had just come on her period She left the room in tears and me and my OH sat there feeling like pieces of sh*t while my brother comforted her. For awhile they both kept their distance but as my pregnancy has progressed I have seen them more and more . It has been really hard as my brother and I have always been extremely close, so not to speak or see him regularly was heartbreaking especially as I couldn't share my happiness with him. I can totally understand the 'it can't all be about them' scenario as I have felt this so many times..............but then I remind myself how lucky I am to be carrying my son and how devastating it must be for them. I love them both and want nothing but happiness for them but sometimes I feel that my brother resents me, which hurts so much. Their interest in my baby is still very little (they have not even ask me when its due) but my brother has said that it will all change once he is born. I really hope so as I know he will make an excellent uncle.

 

[Little Miss Joslyn]

Give her some time to get used to the idea as I know exactly how your sister is feeling. I have been trying for a baby for a year and a half now after my miscarriage and my sister is now 16 weeks pregnant after 4 month of trying. She already has a 8 year old and is 5 years younger than me so i cant help feeling jealous but I am pleased for her too. She didnt want to try until I fell pregnant but I told her it may be some time before i fall as things were not happening and that she had to get on with her life. I find it so hard seeing my friends fall pregnant and then nine months down the line they have it and im still not pregnant and it hurts so much but I have now decided to stop trying and what will be will be.

My sister told my mum that she feels awkward around me and trys to hold her tummy in, bless her. i didnt want her to feel like this so when i see her I talk about her little bump and ask how she is feeling as she had terrible morning sickness in early weeks but is now past that stage. i really wished that we could have been pregnant together and maybe we will but im waiting to hear from the hospital about having my tubes checked in case there is a blockage.

My friends baby was born when my baby would have been 1 and the fish I bought in memory of my lost bean also died that day which was spooky. Also, my sisters baby is due on the day I had my D & C, which freaked me out as I felt that things were being rubbed in my face but I think I was being too obsessed with babies and fate so thats why I havent been on here for a while.

I hope this has helped you to understand how your sister is feeling and the pain she is going through and I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy and hope that your sister falls soon.

Nic x