Anxiety

[mookie]

Hi ladies

I don't post on her much as I'm never sure what to write....

Currently as I'm writing this I'm having a panic attack I've suffered from anxiety since ds was born nearly 3 years ago. I'm pregnant with my 2nd child (25+3) and for the last couple of weeks I have felt my anxiety returning.

I've thing my triggers are -

• My wedding (in less than 2 weeks)
• OH's family
• The birth of my 2nd child
• My family
• Having no one to talk to

Long story short I have had lots of problems with OH's family, which was triggered by the birth of our son (they never respected any wishes & made my life hell), I don't get on with his side at all. OH doesn't understand and just keeps pushing things with them. Even when his family are completely out of order they are forgiven after two mins.

My wedding is really stressful (not the getting married part but the families) We are having a very small wedding, I'm worried the one of the families will ruin it as they can't behave, I've already been told my family are too busy to help me get ready on the day.

I have no support from my family, everything and everyone else is always more important than me. I haven't seen my dad since march and mum never bothers either (they only live 5 mins away!!) I can't travel to them as OH always has the car, but why should I repeatedly make the effort when no one seems to care about me?

I'm terrified of giving birth (really nervous about labour, last one was emergency c section), what's bothering me even more is what am I going to do with ds while I'm in labour? OH wants to be with me, mum was supposed to look after ds but I don't trust her. In 3 years she hasn't looked after him once as she didn't want to, she forgets everythings and I'm worried she won't look after him properly. I already know she won't have his best interests at heart when I'm in labour, she will be making sure that he fits in with her plans

I have no one to talk to and I have no friends so I feel completely alone.

I'm sorry for the long post just had to get some of it out x

 

[Sarah13]

You poor thing, you can always let off steam on here, it's what its for! Really feel for you, families can be a nightmare at times, mine live in bedfordshire near you and I'm all the way up here in scotland but I have good friends to make up for it, do you have friends you can trust with you little boy when your in labour? Altho you don't get on with OHs family would they look after him properly? Or do you have a trusted sibling?

Try to put your wedding fears to the back of your mind and focus on the two of you and what a special day it will be, stuff the rest of them, make sure you have a good day, they are not your concern. You could always let a few people know who will be there about the poss trouble so someone else can deal with any issues and not you.

Make sure your OH is clear about what is and isn't acceptable with his family and how much it stresses you out, men do need to be reminded at times!

Have you thought about hypnotherapy for the birth? If nothing else it might help to relax you before hand, there's lots of reasonably priced CDs you could try.

Don't forget to come on here to let off steam, nobody minds and getting things out can help if nothing else x

 

[Dee83]

Hi Hun,

Sorry to hear that your not feeling too good at the minute. I do understand as i have suffered from very bad anxiety since i was 16. I've had councelling, CBT and medication. Nothing really worked for me. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2008 and my world just collapsed, this has definitely made the anxiety a hell of alot worse. I also got married in August last year and can totally feel your pain with the family situation, i had people kicking up a fuss and causing trouble well before the big day - people can be so selfish can't they!
I guess what i'm trying to say is that i can totally simpathise with how anxiety and panic attacks can take a hold of your life. Do you take any medication at all? If not maybe you could go to your GP and get something to help you cope with this particularly stressful time?

Dee xxxxxx

 

[Dee83]

Duh! Just realised that you prob won't be able to get any meds being pregnant! God, i have such a baby brain at the mo (well that's my excuse anyway)! If you ever need to vent this is definitely the place to do it. Sometimes just getting it off your chest can be a weight off your shoulders. xxxxx

 

[mookie]

Thank you ladies!

I haven't got one friend and my sisters are both very immature, the way they behave anyone would think they are 5 years old!!

I can't trust OH's parents to look after ds as there are safety issues as well as inappropriate actons from OH's mother.

I love the idea of hypnobirthing but not sure where to start, looked at classes and they are very expensive! I have seen a couple of cd's just not sure which to choose. I really I have a straight forward labour and be out on the same day!


Dee how do you cope with your anxiety? I had CBT but I was taught how to deal with an attack when it's happening but not why or what caused it. I really want to deal with the causes of my attacks.
I find it really hard to talk about my anxiety, mum thinks it's all in my head and I can just switch it off and stop being silly I wish she understood. I spent the first year undiagnosed, OH kept telling me I was crazy and unreasonable and he just thought I was being a b*tch.

I think I'm a little depressed too, that started after the birth of ds but mum told me if you ever admit to having PND social services will take your baby away.

Thank you Sarah & Dee for being so kind. I'm always worried about posting as I think I sound stupid and pathetic x

 

[Sarah13]

You don't sound stupid and pathetic at all, pregnancy is a hard time when you have no problems let alone when you do. Must be hard for you having nobody to turn to. Sometimes I wish we all lived closer to each other so we can meet up for a cuppa and chat and make new friends! Maybe worth having a good chat with your midwife about your problems, they are not just there for the physical pregnancy issues. Oh and don't worry about admitting to depression and pnd it's so common nobody's going to suddenly take your kids away, my friend had it really badly for about a year and she's a nurse, there's plenty that can be done to help get you through it.

Have you got any antenatal classes booked? Sometimes the all women ones can be good to make friends with women in the same position as you, plus they live local! My sister meets up with the girls from hers every week or so and does something and her baby is 10 months now so think she made some good friends.

For some natal hypnotherapy try looking at this site, I plan to order from here
http://www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk