Am I even ready to be a mum! :(

[kanga86]

I have been feeling really weird the last few days and unsure of what I want. I've wanted a baby for quite a while, I had my first implant out July 08 and I was hoping then that my oh would be ready for kids, he wasn't so had another implant put in. I had loads of problems with it so had it out sept 09, where my oh still didn't want kids yet. I though it would be best to have the copper coil as no hormones to give my body a chance to regulate as after having it removed I wanted to ttc straight away!

My oh finally agreed he was ready to try in jan 11, 2 1/2 years after I originally wanted to try. We conceived really quick and caught it in apr 11, but unfortunately in ended in mmc. So now I am still spotting a full 5 weeks after the mmc started, and I am really begining to doubt whether I want to ttc again or not!

I just feel the need/want to be pregnant is taking over from knowing that at the end I will have a baby! And I'm now not sure whether I'm ready for the responsibility! I still really want to be pregnant again, but scared that it's just a case of replacing the baby I lost.

Is this a normal feeling after a mmc? Xx

 

[cosmicgirl]

Yes hun, I know I certainly felt exactly the same. Give yourself time to come to terms with what happened, it's a big shock to the system and it does naturally make you reassess the situation x

 

[TORino]

I was overcome with wanting to try again after my mc, but mainly to see if I was 'fixed'. I had this terrible feeling of being broken and not working properly and the only way to know if I was ok was to get pregnant again in my eyes. This feeling wore off after a while and I felt as though I had just got my life back on track and was looking forward to being me again, the relaxed me where I didn't think about being pregnant all of the time. And hey ho... it happened.

Give yourself time to get over it and relax about things and I'm sure when you are ready to face it again it will happen. xxx

 

[dyscochick]

Kanga Hun it sounds like completely normal feelings and maybe you just need to give yourself some time. You've had a really rough ride and the last few weeks have been emotionally exhausting for you, and your OH with his mum etc. Why don't you give yourself time and maybe some time together to talk it through too. xxxx

 

[Bliss]

You're not alone Kanga, I had the very same conversation with a friend the other day. I want to be pregnant again but haven't thought as far ahead as actually having a baby. When i do, the idea scares me.
I don't know if its a hormonal thing as the yearning isn't so bad this week...or maybe its because, like you, I realised it was actually being pregnant I wanted...rather than the life changing commitments that come with having a child.

 

[Hope81]

Sorry kanga I have no advice fr you but I sent you a hug and I hope you will find the answers. Give it some time as dysco said.

 

[kanga86]

Thank u for ur support ladies

Bliss that is exactly how I'm feeling at the mo! Just don't know what to do with myself.

I keep thinking I have to wait for this bleeding to stop before I can even have my first cycle after the mmc and then I can start trying again! It just seems so far away as I can't see the end of the tunnel yet I'm still stuck at the beginning! I feel as though I am reliving the mmc everyday and I found out over 6 weeks ago about it! I don't think I can move on until the bleeding stops.

I still have the overwhelming desire to be pregnant again but that is only one hurdle! What do I do if I get pregnant again? Do I get excited or not? Will it happen again? Can I cope with this pain a second time? Is it worth the pain? What do I even want? I have millions of qu's going round it my head. I know it could all be fine next time but it is so hard to believe that when unfortunately u see on here that people have suffered this pain way more than once! Xx

 

[dyscochick]

I know that feeling Kanga, I want to be pg again but am so scared of going through it all again, and so is OH. Noone can tell us if we are 'lucky' ones who only go through this once, or whether there is more in store and only time will tell for you if you can deal with that uncertainty. I want to get straight back in there, despite my fears, and luckily OH and some wonderful friends have been there for me through this and will be again should it happen. I hope you have a support network there aside from OH, but do make sure you share this with him, if he knows how you feel you might find he feels the same and you can work it through together xx

 

[Hope81]

wish we had a fast forward button....the waiting to see if we can even have a baby will eventually make more damage than the mc...

as for if i want a baby, i didnt even start thinking of that or i may drive myself crazy. i am lile in autopilot. i had a baby i lost a baby, i want it back...

 

[Bliss]

Even when I was pregnant, I never saw myself with a baby at the end which I think is why the mc didn't come as a shock. I had moments when i questioned if it was what i really wanted. Did I want to give up the life i have, the freedom to do what i want when i want. The thought of how my life would change and for how long scared me. I've chatted with another girl at work who's been trying for 5 years and we spoke about how a lot of it can be peer pressure, expectations from friends and family and even how society expects women want kids...and almost frowns on those who decide not to for whatever reason.

It's definitely a personal decision. I guess you need to be certain either way and also be certain that if you choose not to, you wont look back when its too late with regrets.