am i being selfish?

[jillybear1587]

Hi ladies.

It will be 3 weeks tomorrow since i had our daughter.. the first week we had her home was great, but as you may see in a previous thread when the next week started i started suffering baby blues. still have it, not as bad but all the same.. still have low days where i just cry on and off.
I have 2 points to this thread about am i being selfish.. the first- i know my oh works all week but iam getting nowhere near the support or help that i need.. we have a 2.5 yo son aswell so as you can imagine my days are hectic,even though my boy is a little star bless him and hes been poorly. So basically i do the looking after the kids,do the house chores, sterilse bottles do every feed and nappy change, aswell as the dreaded night feeds.. then doing all i have to for my boy aswell..im running on empty im so sleep deprived right now and im forgetting to eat so im basically just eating dinner.he promised he would do weekends so i could lay in, but this weekend he was out on his fucking remote control car(sorry to swear) which really pissed me off and when i said about it he was like what cant i have a life.. erm well i dont have one my life revolves around the kids.. i have no friends or fam here as i relocated here 4years back for him and all my fam and friends are in london.
My 2nd rant is dtd... he wants it so bad but i have told him im tired and im being sensible as we dont use condoms and im not on any contreception yet and he said do you think its sensible pushing me away.. well sorry mate but if you cant wait then go find somebody else that will give it you.. it actually really upset me when he said it and now hes asleep on the sofa because he has such a hardlife.. what about me i dont get naps i dont get breaks and it was both our choice to have babies. also id like to wait until my 6wk check before dtd.

Sorry for the long old thread, just never have anybody to talk to and its so easy to on here..

Do you think im selfish for either of the above? Xxx

 

[Sue Clare]

No you most certainly am not being selfish. I appreciate your OH works but then so does mine and we still share the
night feeds, my hubby does the 130am and I do the 430am. Makes it so much easier. My oh also let's me lay in on a Saturday and he lays in on a Sunday , he also cooks on the weekend and does the weekly food shop, he sterilises bottles and he takes max as soon as he's home so that I can have me time.
Just because your oh works, you do too.....in the home which IMO is a lot more demanding than holding a job down!
It's no wonder you are feeling so low as seems as though you are doing it all yourself with zero support.
Have you spoken to your oh about how you are feeling? What did he say? As for DTD , that must be the last thing on your mind!!! (((hugs))) xx

 

[jillybear1587]

Yeah i try talking to him and then he does a sad face at me and i feel bad like im asking too much. yesterday morning i got up at 6 and he sprung up n laid back down saying ill get up.. never did and i said your as helpful as a flea(not a great insult lol)... i brought it up to him last night and he said i remember you saying that and its upset me.. what about me? I dont get a second to myself. couldnt sleep last night as my boy isnt well and coughing so bad i didnt want him being sick and amelia has decided to guzzle her feeds so she starts coughing. as for dtd i thought he would underatand.. i havnt completely stopped bleeding yet and we never dtd when im on so not gonna change it now.when he left for work this morn i started crying my eyes out wanting him to stay. im so alone and i dont think he realises just how much i need him and his support. started crying again now ;( xx

 

[Little_angel]

Hi jillybear, sorry you're having a hard time

I sorry but your OH sounds like he needs to grow up. If this was his first baby, you could put it down to the culture shock and not realising how much you're doing while he's not around, but he must have a clue!

Like you, I did all the night feeding during the week, because I think it's only fair when my DH has to work. But my DH gets up early every morning, even at weekends, with the baby, so that I can catch up on sleep. If we've had a really good night, the baby comes into the bed with us instead. He also helps with night feeds at weekends and does loads of chores like bottle washing.

I don't think you're being selfish at all, this support you shouldn't even need to ask for! You guys are supposed to be a team. Not you running around looking after him as well as 2 children.

As for the sex, I don't blame you at all. 2 weeks is no time at all to recover and I didn't feel up to it for many more weeks. I also wanted my 6 week check for reassurance too.

Talk to him again and ignore the the sad face (little boy!). Sounds like he knows how to wrap you round his little finger. You're asking for perfectly reasonable stuff and he's making you feel like the baddy!

BTW you'll probably get more responses to this type of thing if you post in Baby and Toddler. More people read it.
xxx

 

[jillybear1587]

Thank you for your response hun. yeah i do need to be firmer and really iron this out because like you say we are meant to be a team yet i feel like im doing it alone. dont get me wrong he has done some nappy changes and fed her a few times but in my opinion its nowhere near as much as he could be doing. i have said before about hes lack of interest in helping n he says about him working.. yes but many other men work who share equally. I have made him sound like a right lazy git.. i know he tries but i cant feel bad for him because ' hes trying' i have no choice but to do it so why cant he feel the same xx

 

[Sue Clare]

It's team work at the end of the day, why should one be run ragged just because
the other is having it easy!? It's not fair on you at all.
Hope you manage to sort it out hun xx

 

[Heather85]

Not being selfish at all, I'm having the same issue the now but I just give up and get on with it cos I'm stressing myself out going on at him. I said to him yesterday he's goin to end up like his brother ans his daughter, because my sil does everything and the wee one will go to her first, she recognises she looks after her. Oh seem to think that if he is off work one of the days that his mum has her I will still be getting her ready ans taking her round to his mum's at quarter to 8 before work for him to lie in.

I'm with you on this one, you want to an need to put your foot down, but when your tired and feeling the way you are the last thing you want to do is cause an argument and make them angry with you, even though their in the wrong xxx

P.s I'm goin out with mil in an hour, I May mention some stuff to her hmmmm

 

[jillybear1587]

It's team work at the end of the day, why should one be run ragged just because
the other is having it easy!? It's not fair on you at all.
Hope you manage to sort it out hun xx

Thanks sue. hows little max getting on x

 

[jillybear1587]

Not being selfish at all, I'm having the same issue the now but I just give up and get on with it cos I'm stressing myself out going on at him. I said to him yesterday he's goin to end up like his brother ans his daughter, because my sil does everything and the wee one will go to her first, she recognises she looks after her. Oh seem to think that if he is off work one of the days that his mum has her I will still be getting her ready ans taking her round to his mum's at quarter to 8 before work for him to lie in.

I'm with you on this one, you want to an need to put your foot down, but when your tired and feeling the way you are the last thing you want to do is cause an argument and make them angry with you, even though their in the wrong xxx

P.s I'm goin out with mil in an hour, I May mention some stuff to her hmmmm

Its nice to have somebody here to talk to who is in same boat, as moat the other women who have commented are bot having the issue we are their oh are helping as they should. Exactly what you say i dont say what i really think as im emotional as it is without him then bollocking me in someway.. i dont know what to do anymore as i think what i say falls on deaf ears. he has tried to do odd bits i do give him that but i cry so much saying im so tired and he says go nap knowing at that point i cant. its tough grr. xx