Afraid of labour again

[SpiritedAway]

Hello, I'm back.. I was on here in 2016. I hope the ladies I knew back then got their bfps and rainbow babies like me.

Back story, myself and dh tried for 18 months. I got pregnant but I lost. 3 weeks later I got my bfp and my gorgeous little boy arrived the 7th of July 2017. I've had two losses before my ds one at 13 weeks, so it did take the shine off until I got well into 30 weeks I could just let go and enjoy him more.

Apart from my vomiting lol.. Every day.. I think 36 weeks I had waters go and I got told when checked I'd just weed myself. Luckly 39 weeks I had a scan to check he was growing and they admitted me to be induced as my back waters had gone.

So yeh from here really is why I never came back to talk about it. I was promised water births ect and you can't if you're induced. I went on thinking they pop my waters and I'd be done. It's taken me since he was born to write about it now.

I was put on the tablets ect and contractions started and they eventually the next day they checked me and discovered my waters were still leaking (what are Dr notes for?). Fast forward they hooked me up and I stupidly went cold turkey on this drip.. I was ok until 11pm until they discovered the sack was still intact and popped it and hell broke loose and ds decided to slowly veer into my pelvis and so I couldn't quite handle it without gas anymore.

What I hadn't know was since the mw switch over she had turned the drip up to max, and then at 2am got someone to give me an epidural as I couldn't hack it (I was off the bed every 5 mins as they were putting bags of water into me), locking DS out when he had gone for a drink, I hate needles (enough said) so I had a massive sobbing panic attack between contractions as she and the anesthetist shouted at me to keep still.

So thats it pretty much, my lovely first MW came back the next morning and said she'd never seen a drip as high as mine and got a consultant in that said because they weren't quick enough with my waters leaking initially and the drip being so high it had probably exhausted my uterus.

Ds at this point was well into the side of my pelvis so I feel I gave in and they emergency csectioned me. Again queue me panic attacking on the table but I wanted to stay awake to meet him so I refused being put asleep.

I came home after another 4 days then.

Sorry if I'm rambling.. I would truly love to have another sibling for my little boy, I love him to bits he's a great baby hes brought me so much joy but I'm so scared of that happening again.

I had postnantal depression for months afterwards, I feel I let myself down and I couldn't do a simple thing. I wanted to have a natural water birth so much, I didn't know what I was going into and I beat myself up terribly.

Sorry again for rambling, it guess this is it. My DH has said he'd love to try and i would too but I'm so damn scared it will happen again and it took all the joy from DS birth from us. I don't want it to happen again.

 

[Abi88]

It soulds like your whole medical team let you down so please don't blame yourself. I think the UK has counselling services for people who had traumatic birth experiences. I'm not sure how you get referred but maybe one of the other ladies on here will know or you could try with your GP.

Your next birth doesn't have to be anything like your last one with a caring team to look after after you. But if you really can't face it would you look at other options like surrogacy or adoption? What every happens remember you're a great mum and you're so strong to have gone through that! Good luck!

 

[SpiritedAway]

It soulds like your whole medical team let you down so please don't blame yourself. I think the UK has counselling services for people who had traumatic birth experiences. I'm not sure how you get referred but maybe one of the other ladies on here will know or you could try with your GP.

Your next birth doesn't have to be anything like your last one with a caring team to look after after you. But if you really can't face it would you look at other options like surrogacy or adoption? What every happens remember you're a great mum and you're so strong to have gone through that! Good luck!

Thank you, reading what I wrote still makes me cry. I guess I was terribly naive. Maybe that's an idea actually, I avoid talking about it, thinking it abd watching birth programs now as it upsets me.

I watched one born every minute, I didn't get to go to birth classes as my original mw went off on sick and forgot to book me in. So I had no idea what to expect and then they never told me what inducing was like, so I hypno birthed the drip from 10am until 1am as I thought it was how normal Labour was.

I will never be so silly again, I'm more afraid of being consultant led again (I have a under active thyroid) and losing control over it all.

I just wish I'd been more assertive, asked for a scan when my waters went, kept watching what the mw said about the drip. It all went wrong after that switch over.

My husbands adopted, he's not so keen, I'd love to he's just got his own personal issues with it so he won't.

Thank you so much xx I'm incredibly greatful out of all of it I have a beautiful son.

 

[Unicorn]

Hi SpiritedAway, I remember you from the July 2016 Mummies thread - our little boy was born in the 23rd and we're expecting our little girl in June
I too had a horrific labour, I fully bought into the whole hypnobirthing, amazing experience rubbish so felt completely underprepared for the reality of the situation and was left seriously traumatised! I was offered a debriefing service from the hospital, which I never took up because how do you find the time to do that with a newborn but this time have a consultant midwife to support my intended birthing plan to hopefully allow me to be in control as much as possible, although there are restrictions due to complications!
To be honest I think I'm happier just feeling much more prepared about what to expect this time - it's horrific and I know it so at least I know what I'm going into!
Have you discussed how you feel with your health visitor? She was the one who suggested the debriefing service to me and I'm sure she'd be in a position to put you in contact with a consultant midwife. And just remember that you know what to expect this time and have more options available to you - you could elect to have another section so you could prepare yourself for that, without all the chaos of labour or you could request to give birth at home if you feel that would be better for you? Xx

 

[Unicorn]

Reading back my post I am obviously still bitter and i really don't mean to offend anyone who has had a positive birth experience, I am just very jealous! Xx

 

[babylove2016]

Hello, I'm back.. I was on here in 2016. I hope the ladies I knew back then got their bfps and rainbow babies like me.

Back story, myself and dh tried for 18 months. I got pregnant but I lost. 3 weeks later I got my bfp and my gorgeous little boy arrived the 7th of July 2017. I've had two losses before my ds one at 13 weeks, so it did take the shine off until I got well into 30 weeks I could just let go and enjoy him more.

Apart from my vomiting lol.. Every day.. I think 36 weeks I had waters go and I got told when checked I'd just weed myself. Luckly 39 weeks I had a scan to check he was growing and they admitted me to be induced as my back waters had gone.

So yeh from here really is why I never came back to talk about it. I was promised water births ect and you can't if you're induced. I went on thinking they pop my waters and I'd be done. It's taken me since he was born to write about it now.

I was put on the tablets ect and contractions started and they eventually the next day they checked me and discovered my waters were still leaking (what are Dr notes for?). Fast forward they hooked me up and I stupidly went cold turkey on this drip.. I was ok until 11pm until they discovered the sack was still intact and popped it and hell broke loose and ds decided to slowly veer into my pelvis and so I couldn't quite handle it without gas anymore.

What I hadn't know was since the mw switch over she had turned the drip up to max, and then at 2am got someone to give me an epidural as I couldn't hack it (I was off the bed every 5 mins as they were putting bags of water into me), locking DS out when he had gone for a drink, I hate needles (enough said) so I had a massive sobbing panic attack between contractions as she and the anesthetist shouted at me to keep still.

So thats it pretty much, my lovely first MW came back the next morning and said she'd never seen a drip as high as mine and got a consultant in that said because they weren't quick enough with my waters leaking initially and the drip being so high it had probably exhausted my uterus.

Ds at this point was well into the side of my pelvis so I feel I gave in and they emergency csectioned me. Again queue me panic attacking on the table but I wanted to stay awake to meet him so I refused being put asleep.

I came home after another 4 days then.

Sorry if I'm rambling.. I would truly love to have another sibling for my little boy, I love him to bits he's a great baby hes brought me so much joy but I'm so scared of that happening again.

I had postnantal depression for months afterwards, I feel I let myself down and I couldn't do a simple thing. I wanted to have a natural water birth so much, I didn't know what I was going into and I beat myself up terribly.

Sorry again for rambling, it guess this is it. My DH has said he'd love to try and i would too but I'm so damn scared it will happen again and it took all the joy from DS birth from us. I don't want it to happen again.

Hello lovely! I remember you from 2016!

So sorry to hear you had such a traumatic birth with your son. I can understand that would make you anxious, but if it is something you want too, I know you can get through anything even if your birth was complicated, because you know what - us women are superheroes!

Your midwife would keep a close eye on you with a second pregnancy due to your first borth but also because of the PND.

Lovely to see you again regardless of what you decide! Xxx

 

[SpiritedAway]

Hi SpiritedAway, I remember you from the July 2016 Mummies thread - our little boy was born in the 23rd and we're expecting our little girl in June
I too had a horrific labour, I fully bought into the whole hypnobirthing, amazing experience rubbish so felt completely underprepared for the reality of the situation and was left seriously traumatised! I was offered a debriefing service from the hospital, which I never took up because how do you find the time to do that with a newborn but this time have a consultant midwife to support my intended birthing plan to hopefully allow me to be in control as much as possible, although there are restrictions due to complications!
To be honest I think I'm happier just feeling much more prepared about what to expect this time - it's horrific and I know it so at least I know what I'm going into!
Have you discussed how you feel with your health visitor? She was the one who suggested the debriefing service to me and I'm sure she'd be in a position to put you in contact with a consultant midwife. And just remember that you know what to expect this time and have more options available to you - you could elect to have another section so you could prepare yourself for that, without all the chaos of labour or you could request to give birth at home if you feel that would be better for you? Xx

Omg unicorn!!! Congratulations lovely, I remember you yes! Aw how lovely is that, have you found out what you're having? Or want to?

No not really spoke to anyone tbh, if DS sees HV for his check (I think she's due soon?) maybe I'll mention it to her as I'm not sure what's available here (I'm south Wales).

I'm far more aware now, i was very determined to be as natural as possible. DS had to stay in after to be monitored and day 3 I broke down (they don't let partners stay or anything and I was struggling feeding) so I actual spoke to my first midwife I had and she felt so bad but it wasn't her fault.

Id like to go for what I wanted originally, hypno vaginal birth, I'm quite good with pain and tuning it out. I only struggled on drip as DS was back to back and going into my pelvis so he'd trapped nerves in my thighs and I was getting up to wee every bloody 5 minutes as I was Keto and having 6 bags of fluid through me.

Sadly I just think I had a crap very unlucky experience. I try to think it might not be the same this time. I'd love to do it naturally, it's all I wanted since I was little and the csection was a bit of a blow for me.

I don't mean offense with ladies who've had sections, I just am very determined to feel and do the whole thing with as little help as possible (I must be crazy lol).

 

[SpiritedAway]

Hello lovely! I remember you from 2016!

So sorry to hear you had such a traumatic birth with your son. I can understand that would make you anxious, but if it is something you want too, I know you can get through anything even if your birth was complicated, because you know what - us women are superheroes!

Your midwife would keep a close eye on you with a second pregnancy due to your first borth but also because of the PND.

Lovely to see you again regardless of what you decide! Xxx

Ah you too babylove xx

Talking about it helps, I know every birth won't be the same.

I guess I'm worried they'll start telling me no to things and I want to be as relaxed as possible with it.

I was lucky to be at my nieces birth and she was so amazing. It did although make me a little sad I never got the same experience and mine was so manic.

I think my first step maybe seeing my gp, seeing what they can suggest. I just need maybe to talk to someone who knows what I can and can't do this time and put my mind to rest.

 

[Unicorn]

I'm in South Wales as well, which is your local hospital? I was at the Heath last time and Gwent this time. In my experience GPs are not very helpful with anything maternity related but I can give you the number for the consultant midwife at the Gwent, she is really lovely and would be more than happy to talk with you and advise you.
We're having a little girl, we can't believe it, it took a bit of getting our heads round but now we're very pleased xx

 

[WinterWolf]

My birth experience was awful too. I also wanted a water birth and had to be induced. Beforehand I spent hours researching common things that could go wrong and what they’d do in those scenarios. I also got to go to the classes at the hospital. My experience was horrible, but at least I knew what was going on. It helped me cope mentally. So my advice would be to educate yourself as much as possible. You’re also not likely to have that kind of experience twice (I mean it sounds like you got some pretty dodgy care - not super common) so take comfort in that. If you want another baby don’t let birth put you off. It’s one crap event that brings joy to the rest of your life. x

 

[MoominGirl]

Also hoped for a natural water birth and had a pretty hideous experience in reality. I probably should be more traumatised than I actually am to be honest. What has got me through it has been the fact that I was dreadfully unlucky in many respects and the chance of something like that happening to me again really is slim. So many ladies I've met since having DS tell me about dreadful first labours but then find that subsequent labours really are a breeze. I would definitely recommend getting a debrief of your first labour. I found it very helpful as we were able to identify some things that should be put in place if I was to get pregnant again.

I think a huge part of the issue is that antenatal classes which are mainly aimed at first timers are very lacking in information regarding potential complications so when they happen, people are so unprepared for the reality both in terms of the birth itself and the recovery afterwards. The big focus on having a birth plan doesn't help either as it implies that you actually have a great deal of control over the situation. You really don't when it becomes medicalised, especially if the complications were unexpected (as they were in my case). Most women if asked would ideally want a straightforward, natural birth (funny that!) but that is often a million miles from reality.

Just to illustrate my point, out of 8 ladies in my antenatal group, 1 had a straightforward labour. Our antenatal course talked about natural birth and options for pain relief. That was about it. A brief mention about c-section and I don't remember assisted delivery being covered at all. Definitely no mention of postnatal recovery. I wasn't particularly impressed with the content of the course when we did it so I did a lot more of my own reading so I was more prepared than I could have been but still felt unprepared for what happened to me. Since becoming a mum, I've learnt that society likes to paint a perfect picture of labour, birth and the postnatal period but the reality is that it's extremely challenging both physically and emotionally. Talking to other new mums made me feel a lot better that it wasn't just me and that actually society is setting what is often an unrealistic goal which is the last thing new parents need. I'm sorry you were left feeling this way. Please try not to beat yourself up about it.

 

[Linnett3]

As traumatic as your labour was I don’t think you should let it hinder the chances of having more children if that’s what you always planned. As many of the other ladies have said I think if you become pregnant & stress your fears to your midwife/consultant then you should be looked after much better this time.

The thing I learnt after my first & many friends since having babies is that there’s no point having any kind of birth plan as hardly anyone gets their perfect birth. You have to be very open minded as no one knows how it will go. I always loved the idea of a waterbirth but didn’t get it with either of my 2 as I was strapped to monitors the whole time but I didn’t mind in the end because by then I just wanted them out & I didn’t really care how that happened lol. I know having a c section wasn’t ideal but you mustn’t put yourself down about that. They’ll only do a c section as a very last resort for both yours & babies safety so just think that even though it wasn’t part of your plan it had to be that way to get your baby here safely.

 

[SpiritedAway]

I'm in South Wales as well, which is your local hospital? I was at the Heath last time and Gwent this time. In my experience GPs are not very helpful with anything maternity related but I can give you the number for the consultant midwife at the Gwent, she is really lovely and would be more than happy to talk with you and advise you.
We're having a little girl, we can't believe it, it took a bit of getting our heads round but now we're very pleased xx

Ah I'm Royal Glam so bit far from Gwent, maybe I'll text my hv and see when she's due to come ask ask her. My Drs are crap.. Its taken me 3 weeks to get an appointment as my periods since having him have been OK but these last two months are late and painful again.

Ah a girl, so one of each? That's so lovely. He'll be a protective big brother to her . I think I would go boy again just so I can recycle all of his lovely baby clothes I saved lol. Congratulations lovely x

 

[SpiritedAway]

My birth experience was awful too. I also wanted a water birth and had to be induced. Beforehand I spent hours researching common things that could go wrong and what they’d do in those scenarios. I also got to go to the classes at the hospital. My experience was horrible, but at least I knew what was going on. It helped me cope mentally. So my advice would be to educate yourself as much as possible. You’re also not likely to have that kind of experience twice (I mean it sounds like you got some pretty dodgy care - not super common) so take comfort in that. If you want another baby don’t let birth put you off. It’s one crap event that brings joy to the rest of your life. x

I researched a little but it never fully prepares you for reality, I never researched inductions as it was a last minute thing and I was assuming it was a pop waters thing as my mum had said.

I won't I just think I have to do it and let people know what I've been through before. X

 

[SpiritedAway]

Also hoped for a natural water birth and had a pretty hideous experience in reality. I probably should be more traumatised than I actually am to be honest. What has got me through it has been the fact that I was dreadfully unlucky in many respects and the chance of something like that happening to me again really is slim. So many ladies I've met since having DS tell me about dreadful first labours but then find that subsequent labours really are a breeze. I would definitely recommend getting a debrief of your first labour. I found it very helpful as we were able to identify some things that should be put in place if I was to get pregnant again.

I think a huge part of the issue is that antenatal classes which are mainly aimed at first timers are very lacking in information regarding potential complications so when they happen, people are so unprepared for the reality both in terms of the birth itself and the recovery afterwards. The big focus on having a birth plan doesn't help either as it implies that you actually have a great deal of control over the situation. You really don't when it becomes medicalised, especially if the complications were unexpected (as they were in my case). Most women if asked would ideally want a straightforward, natural birth (funny that!) but that is often a million miles from reality.

Just to illustrate my point, out of 8 ladies in my antenatal group, 1 had a straightforward labour. Our antenatal course talked about natural birth and options for pain relief. That was about it. A brief mention about c-section and I don't remember assisted delivery being covered at all. Definitely no mention of postnatal recovery. I wasn't particularly impressed with the content of the course when we did it so I did a lot more of my own reading so I was more prepared than I could have been but still felt unprepared for what happened to me. Since becoming a mum, I've learnt that society likes to paint a perfect picture of labour, birth and the postnatal period but the reality is that it's extremely challenging both physically and emotionally. Talking to other new mums made me feel a lot better that it wasn't just me and that actually society is setting what is often an unrealistic goal which is the last thing new parents need. I'm sorry you were left feeling this way. Please try not to beat yourself up about it.

Yeah what's the point of a birth plan? I wrote mine it was all there and when I got there in the birthing suite they did another questionnaire asking me what I wanted again (cord cut, forceps ect ect).

I never goto go to the classes my mw went on sick before she was due to book me and never booked me as they did them in sessions so I missed out completely. The good midwife I had during labour actually ran them, so when I said that I didn't go she said she was going to have a word all round to make sure more ladies were aware of the classes and to try get more block sessions out. And she was going to try include info on inductions. She was lovely I think she felt it was her fault.

No lol one born is perfect example, I know it's tv but it's not real life. There's nothing that really prepares you, I know now. It gave me the amazing experience of helping my sister give birth to my neice and that was a big step for me.

I think its the phobia, I don't like theater, needles and hospitals lol.. I was in for 7 days. Its the fear of doing it again.

I have my little boy I'm grateful hes here, I think this just makes me more prepared now. It's such a important thing to me to do it all on my own, I think I maybe have to not put so much pressure or hopes on things this time.

 

[SpiritedAway]

As traumatic as your labour was I don’t think you should let it hinder the chances of having more children if that’s what you always planned. As many of the other ladies have said I think if you become pregnant & stress your fears to your midwife/consultant then you should be looked after much better this time.

The thing I learnt after my first & many friends since having babies is that there’s no point having any kind of birth plan as hardly anyone gets their perfect birth. You have to be very open minded as no one knows how it will go. I always loved the idea of a waterbirth but didn’t get it with either of my 2 as I was strapped to monitors the whole time but I didn’t mind in the end because by then I just wanted them out & I didn’t really care how that happened lol. I know having a c section wasn’t ideal but you mustn’t put yourself down about that. They’ll only do a c section as a very last resort for both yours & babies safety so just think that even though it wasn’t part of your plan it had to be that way to get your baby here safely.

Yeah it's something I learned the hard way, im very planned and I like to be in control and I felt I lost control when I was on that drip it scared me quite a bit and the section too.

Ive got big phobia of needles so it made it more traumatic, you don't get to breath and take time out. Usually I'd take a step back and collect myself and talk myself down but I never got to during the epidural it had to be done and I found it really stressful I couldn't calm myself being shouted at. So that worries me.

I'm just going to have to be really open and firm about it, I'm quite a strong person, it takes alot these days to get me to how I was that day so its quite frightening.

Ah yeah in the end I was actually allowed to try push some more but DS head was bruised going into my pelvis and I hadnt slept for 3 days being there so I said yes to it. I just felt like I'd failed at being able to do something many ladies do. I'm incredibly thankful hes here today, he's was worth it all.