5yr old's behaviour is out of control

[AbbyJ]

I really need some advice, my 5yr old daughter's behaviour is so awful at the moment I just don't know what to do. She has always been strongwilled but it's been getting steadily worse over the last couple of months and neither myself or my husband know how to deal with it. She doesn't do as she's told, she won't eat her food, she wakes in the night and screams if she doesn't get her own way, and recently she's started hitting and pushing her 3 year old sister. If I try to explain that what she's doing is wrong she just talks over me, and if i send her to her bedroom she screams. She has just now shoved her little sister into the corner of our glass tv unit and hurt her so she's in her room, screaming 'no, no, no' at the top of her lungs, I've had to tie her door shut with a dressing gown cord to stop her from coming out as she won't stay put otherwise. I have a 4 1/2 wk old baby too and I just feel like I can't cope, what can I do? I feel like I need super nanny1

 

[kirstymichelle]

Is it recent since the birth? just had a thought it could be jealousy?? x

 

[Piglet10]

u need to honestly show her whos boss, be consistent , follow thru with threats, try and stop situations arising before they get out of control?

i would think for a couple of days about when the worst situations arise and how they start etc so ur prepared, and start on tuesday/wednesday with a clear head and just be ready to go, as soon as a situation arises just try and be on the ball, show her that no means no and there will be consequences,

u shudnt be tying the door because thats like saying u cant control the situation, but you are a grown woman you are the adult and she is a child and you just have to believe that then show her.

come on here as soon as a situation arises and you feel stuck aqnd theres always someone here, as for night times getting up,

i would tell her before bed, if you waken you need to go back to sleep, do not give her anything no drinks or food and if she cries let her, just keep putting her back to bed when she leaves

im sure its super hard when uv 2 lil uns, but persevere it will make life easier in the long run x xxx

 

[AbbyJ]

No it's been going on for a couple of months, but definitley worse since the birth. She adores baby though, but has started to be really horrible to our 3 yr old. It's so hard because she can be such a sweet and lovely little girl, but when she's bad she's really really bad...You said be consistent with threats, well that's why I had to make sure she stayed in her room, no point saying you're going to your room if she then just leaves it, and I'm not prepared to physically restrain her. She did stop screaming eventually anyway and I opened the door as son as she did, she seemed like she'd learned a lesson so maybe it was the right thing to do (never done iot before) I just felt horrible afterwards because she looked so upset. Of course jealousy of th new baby has crossed my mind, it's very coincidental that all this started about 6 wks before he was born. But we've done everything to ensure she didn't feel left out or ignored, and our 3 yr old has coped witht he new arrival o.k.

 

[Piglet10]

dont worry about her getting upset, thats completely normal and is a sign that wat u done worked! so yeah maybe stick with it hun, its prob hard work with 3 little ones! so im sure complete consistency is a nightmare xxx

 

[AbbyJ]

Thanks, really appreciate you answering me, I was feeling pretty desperate earlier! I actually have 5 so no stranger to parenting, my older 2 are 13 and 12, and have never been any trouble at all, I'm not used to dealing with wayward children!! I'm really hoping that once she's back at school things will calm down

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

Be persistent! Use the naughty step as punishment or time out. Don't give in.
Also reward her for when she's good, sometimes the bad things take over so you forget about the good.

 

[kirstymichelle]

all sounds like good advice to me , like supernanny when she's bad tell her with a warning and then follow through , but you have to be consistent everytime , use the naughty step that way you can control the situation other than just shuttin her in her room but you need to keep placing her back with no communication , jst pick her up and put her back time and time again until she does the 5 mins solidly each time she gets up you set the clock again! it shows her you mean what you say and you are prepared to follow through . I've seen someone on supernanny do it for 3 hours before but eventually it worked. All the best and i'm sure it will get better with time and adjustment on her part to having two little sisters and she prob takes it out on the 3 year old because she can , sort of aim her anger in her direction x

 

[AbbyJ]

Thanks, will try that then. She was in her room last night because I'd sent her to bed early, but will use naughty step in the day

 

[Jayceesmumma]

It does sound like a huge cry for attention.. Middle child syndrome?? Everything suggested above is great advice never give empty threats and always follow through with punishment. praise her for good things as the bad does outweigh the good and if she's only getting attention by being naughty then that's what she will do! Maybe a sticker chart for when she's good and when she earns so many stickers she gets some sort of reward? Kids love stickers I don't know why lol but they do their job!! If she's bad u can threaten to take one off and remind her of the reward..
Have you also tried sitting and talking to her? See if you can get her to open up? She's old enough to understand most of what you say.. I know it's hard but maybe find something you can do with just her? Dedicate an hour or even half an hour a day for reading a book or something she enjoys doing? Also got to think of your three year old.. Very impressionable at that age she will follow in her sisters footsteps soon coz she will want the attention her sisters tantrums are getting.. I'm going thru this at the moment focused so much on sorting Jaycee out now Ellie is doing it for her share of attention. It's bloody hard work but it will pay off in the end. Do the sticker chart with both of them and when one reaches their target and gets rewarded the other will want the same. It's so hard rewarding one and not the other but it's a learning curve. Tough love!
I hope it all settles down for u soon hun!!

 

[Xcitedmum]

Definitely sounds like she is reacting to the most recent birth.

However I must admit that I do not agree with actually tying her room door shut as this will only exaggerate any feelings of isolation/ jealousy that she is experiencing. I realise making her feel worse isn't your aim but if she's felling left out or jealous 'locking' her in her room will only make her worse. Her bedroom should be a place where she feels happy & safe.

I expect that you really have your hands full with the 3 of them but instead of sitting back now and thinking of ways to correct her bad behaviour maybe you should try the opposite reaction... try planning some time where hubby can watch the other 2 so that you and your eldest can spend some time together, just the 2 of you - a walk to the shops, baking some buns or even just reading a story?

If it is a case of jealousy maybe she is just crying out for some one on one attention so some time just you and her will sort it out?

Have no idea if I am right but can't hurt to give it a go, good luck! xxx

 

[Xcitedmum]

sorry just realised that she isn't actually your eldest but you know which child i am refering to when i say eldest!

 

[marley]

Hi abbey!

How is she getting on now?? Xxx